TheBigQuestion Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 She isn't a troll. I agree, but I definitely feel like her descriptions of her environment are a bit skewed. I've never heard of a place where pretty much every guy is a drugged out loser but where every woman is this fantastic, successful, beautiful being with a dazzling personality. Usually the genders tend to be on the same page. I don't deny that OP is having genuine trouble meeting suitable men, however, and that's why I advocate for her to relocate.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 (edited) This has been my experience as well. I am puzzled by guys that post here. In my whole life, I knew 2 dateless wonders that could relate to guys on here. They were extremely socially inept. Either extremely shy or just came across as creepy/weird (didn't know what are socially acceptable things to say/not say, had weird mannerisms, overly-intense stares etc). It's hard to describe. My boss is short, beer bellied, over 40 man with reddish hair. Barely average looking (I am being generous). Yet, he is so extremly confident, smart and full of charisma that young hot babes are falling over themselves to flirt with him (he is married). Social charisma may not be enough only if a guy is extremely unattractive. I have also observed that dateless wonders on here have no friends - suggesting a difficulty in relating to people in general. Men with social charisma will have people of both sexes drawn to them. Edited May 6, 2012 by Eternal Sunshine 1
ColoredBlack Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 In my world, the real world it is always the women who have all the options and the guys approaching and the guys who throw themselves at them. So no, cannot relate to this thread at all.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 In my world, the real world it is always the women who have all the options and the guys approaching and the guys who throw themselves at them. So no, cannot relate to this thread at all. Why would your world be any more real than mine?
PlumPrincess Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 My last ex is very similar. Under-employed, frequent pot smoker, biggest hobbies are video games and watching TV, never works out except the occasional bike ride. He's not bad looking (he's got a bit of a gut), but what he really has going for him is charm. He is very gregarious and has tons of friends. Women adore him... he was constantly telling me stories about how he slept with her and she was boring, or slept with her and she was too submissive. In one con weekend, he pulled down at least 2 women. By his stories and my calculations, he's slept with almost every female in his social circle who isn't a girlfriend of one of his friends. I don't understand it either, but that's charisma for you. It's why when I see guys on this forum complaining how they can't get women because they're short, I just laugh and laugh. You just confirmed what I said all along - you date the wrong men and it's not surprising that they don't treat you well. You always make it sound as if you date nice, nerdy guys and it's not understandable why they suddenly turn around and lose interest in you. But any woman who has a little bit of common sense wouldn't have dated a guy like him. 1
chimneychamp Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Why would your world be any more real than mine? Parallel worlds maybe?
RedRobin Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 OP... Move to a different location. I've had similar experiences as you. The average looking guy who smokes pot on weekends and cheated on his wife has more 'options' where I live than most women over the age of 25 where I live. here is a jump start on the demographics search... Some hot spots where there are (currently) more men than women: Denver/Boulder, CO Seattle, WA Austin, TX Whatever you do... get away from the East coast and big portions of the South. Not sure why, but there are tons of women there. And for godsakes, don't move to the NE. That is where I live now. It is very bi-polar here. In that, one is either super well-off, uber educated... or is drug dealing basement dweller. Not alot in between. National Geographic Magazine's 'Singles Map'
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Oh no. I just looked at some stats and in my city; single women WAY outnumber the men. My city was also voted second worst city for single women to live in. First is New York. No wonder I can't find any good men left
musemaj11 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Oh no. I just looked at some stats and in my city; single women WAY outnumber the men. My city was also voted second worst city for single women to live in. First is New York. No wonder I can't find any good men left In your case, Im 100% sure the problem is you. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 In your case, Im 100% sure the problem is you. And I am 200% sure that the problem is you in your case.
fflolhaha Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I think it's cause at the heart of it is, women.. they don't want another dad. They want a cool bro. Only, one not related to them who they can have awesome sex with.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 The men I know have women lined up. These women have taken a number and are waiting around, hoping he'll choose them. He has so many options, he never has to settle down because he can get easy sex anytime. The last guy I dated is a drug addict, with a crappy job, who lives like a frat boy at 38. He's a tiny bit above average looking, maybe a 6 in VERY low light. Women love him. And I mean hot, successful women. He told me every time he goes out women are like piranhas. He's beating them off with a stick. One of our mutual friends confirmed how much women love him. I have a friend who's unemployed, a smoker (pot and cigarettes), very average looking (I'm being generous here), married (separated, though not legally), has two kids, and, again, women love him. He just started doing online dating and he hooks up with every woman on the first date or has to turn them down (because he isn't interested). These are attractive, professional women and they all want a relationship with him, but he's not interested. I don't get it. Both guys could be described as charming initially, but they're losers. Maybe the above just pertains to men over 30. I definitely can't relate to the men on LS who can't get dates because I never see this. I see women throwing themselves at the few available men, and these aren't quality guys. Every man I know is doing incredibly well. Dudes with holey t-shirts barely covering their beer bellies are getting cute girls (ok, that might have been hyperbole ). What the heck is going on in my town? I can't find a man who wants a commitment because either he's already in a relationship, he has his pick of women, or he's horrible (and that's ok because some woman will want him), or a combination of the three. I'm so frustrated. Where do you live?
phineas Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 First of all, don't believe everything a guy says. Often it's just to make themselves look better. Men who talk too much try to make up for other things. Second, maybe these men are alpha males. My ex was one of these. He is so-so looking, poor, has a kid and isn't really that charming, yet somehow women are drooling for him and I could never see why. Maybe it's just that for YOU these guys aren't anything special because you have better taste and higher standards. Good post. Good points. There are men out there despite how they look that you just KNOW isn't going to waste his time on a woman that's going to end up friendzoning him. He can be a nice guy, pleasant ect but if the woman isn't looking to get naked with him, he's got better things to do. Women go for that.
RedRobin Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 He can be a nice guy, pleasant ect but if the woman isn't looking to get naked with him, he's got better things to do. Women go for that. You mean...isn't looking to get naked with him by date 1-3... Insecure women go for that... or ones that aren't looking for anything serious.
Author iris219 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 On one hand, I’m glad that other women can relate to my situation because it makes me feel validated and not alone, but on the other hand, it makes me very, very sad and hopeless. ES is in another country and has witnessed the same thing. I’m pretty uncomplicated when it comes to what I want in a man. If a man listens to me, seems interested in my life, is witty, and has some sort of charisma, I’m all about him. I want someone who makes me feel special and wanted and who I have fun with. Notice I said nothing about appearances here. I put little emphasis on the physical (of course, it’s important that I be attracted to the guy, but he doesn’t have to all that attractive for me to find him attractive. I showed someone here a pic of the last guy I dated and she said he looked like a rodent!) Just being able to have an interesting conversation goes a long way with women. It's so disappointing when it becomes clear that this guy has no qualities that will make him relationship material. He's good at feigning it at first though. I don’t think where I live is as much the problem as the age group. There are simply very few available men over 30. That’s why these guys can get away with being less than desirable. I wish nice, normal guys would approach me (but I guess their wives wouldn’t like that ).
phineas Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 lol well of course these type of guys have women lined up. Women love these type of guys. The aloof dont give a Muck types. Women want to chase them and feel alive. I mean the OP stated herself that her ex is a drug addict loser but the OP herself wanted him. So if she wanted him of course other women wanted him too. Thats the way it seems to go. As long as losers and low lives can hide their true selves behind words and charm them women will keep on listening to them because they stir girls EMOTIONS. Guys who dont get dates cant do the same but some low lives are good at messing with women so the women chase them like the OP does and the rest, as they say, is history. I agree with this except, what's funny is EVERYONE ELSE see's these guys for the low life's they are & so do the women who go for them also. They just won't admit it to themselves because he excites them so. But, after they breakup then the guy is all of a sudden a "loser". But they will still sleep with him after. I've dated women who used drugs. They can't keep that from you for long. It's hard to walk into a pot smoker's house & not notice. Granted the one who did coke threw me for a loop but still, that took about a month to discover & I dumped her right after. I have no sympathy for women who BF up drug users & stay with them after they find out they use drugs. 1
RedRobin Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Oh no. I just looked at some stats and in my city; single women WAY outnumber the men. My city was also voted second worst city for single women to live in. First is New York. No wonder I can't find any good men left Yep. Supply and demand. The funny thing is when you do some googling of blogs originating in Seattle, et al... alot of guys are whining about how average chicks get guys drooling all over them. So, there must be something to demographics. I did some back checking on their source (Census data). It backs up. I'm into research, and I'm serious about finding a partner. So, I don't plan on settling for the toothless recovering boozer that happens to be so prevalent where I live... or settling for being the mistress/trophy of Mr. Big either. Have been thrown that offer a couple of times too. :sick:
Author iris219 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 I agree with this except, what's funny is EVERYONE ELSE see's these guys for the low life's they are & so do the women who go for them also. They just won't admit it to themselves because he excites them so. But, after they breakup then the guy is all of a sudden a "loser". But they will still sleep with him after. I've dated women who used drugs. They can't keep that from you for long. It's hard to walk into a pot smoker's house & not notice. Granted the one who did coke threw me for a loop but still, that took about a month to discover & I dumped her right after. I have no sympathy for women who BF up drug users & stay with them after they find out they use drugs. I disagree that everyone sees the person for who they are. I knew several people who knew the last guy I dated and they didn’t know about the drugs (pills). One person I know is close to his family and told me how awesome they are, and said the guy was great. The thing is, he’s really NICE. He’s just a mess at the same time, but hides it until he can’t hide it anymore. I'm not gullible and I'm not intrigued by drama, quite the opposite actually.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 This has been my experience as well. I am puzzled by guys that post here. In my whole life, I knew 2 dateless wonders that could relate to guys on here. They were extremely socially inept. Either extremely shy or just came across as creepy/weird (didn't know what are socially acceptable things to say/not say, had weird mannerisms, overly-intense stares etc). It's hard to describe. My boss is short, beer bellied, over 40 man with reddish hair. Barely average looking (I am being generous). Yet, he is so extremly confident, smart and full of charisma that young hot babes are falling over themselves to flirt with him (he is married). Social charisma may not be enough only if a guy is extremely unattractive. I have also observed that dateless wonders on here have no friends - suggesting a difficulty in relating to people in general. Men with social charisma will have people of both sexes drawn to them. I actually used to have loads of friends. I've never had any trouble making them, but still women were never interested. The reasons why I don't have friends offline now though are complicated.
phineas Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Oh no. I just looked at some stats and in my city; single women WAY outnumber the men. My city was also voted second worst city for single women to live in. First is New York. No wonder I can't find any good men left Maybe i'm thinking of someone else on this forum but didn't you move to your city relatively recently only to discover this?
phineas Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 You mean...isn't looking to get naked with him by date 1-3... Insecure women go for that... or ones that aren't looking for anything serious. Those kind of guys don't even consider it dating because their already looking for a replacement after first sex.
RedRobin Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I disagree that everyone sees the person for who they are. I knew several people who knew the last guy I dated and they didn’t know about the drugs (pills). One person I know is close to his family and told me how awesome they are, and said the guy was great. The thing is, he’s really NICE. He’s just a mess at the same time, but hides it until he can’t hide it anymore. I'm not gullible and I'm not intrigued by drama, quite the opposite actually. I'm sure you've done this already... but the biggest thing is consistency in words and actions... every time. When you observe something they say and something they do being out of whack... that is your 'tell' that they may be a good liar. Dig deep on this one. It can be tough when you are lonely. It is easy to doubt yourself and drop your bar for character. Will also say that you may have to change your social circle where you are... and do more work... very TANGENTIAL work.... to gain access to the circles where people who don't engage in this behavior exist. Tangential meaning... developing your network and friendships with people who never, ever do drugs. Have no history of addictions of any kind. Are stable and long-term married. It can be tough because they usually are hanging out with people just like them... and they will be (understandably) wary of you too. Be patient. Earn their trust. Continue to be a person of value, and you will find friendships among other people of value.
phineas Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I disagree that everyone sees the person for who they are. I knew several people who knew the last guy I dated and they didn’t know about the drugs (pills). One person I know is close to his family and told me how awesome they are, and said the guy was great. The thing is, he’s really NICE. He’s just a mess at the same time, but hides it until he can’t hide it anymore. I'm not gullible and I'm not intrigued by drama, quite the opposite actually. Exactly what was he popping that didn't make him act like he was popping?
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Your standards and expectations dictate your options. If you want sex and only sex, your standards may be all encompassing because you want it where you can get it. If you want something more meaningful, you may be more selective, making it harder to get what you want.
RedRobin Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Those kind of guys don't even consider it dating because their already looking for a replacement after first sex. Actually, I thought it was those guys who have to have sex before they would consider being in a relationship or 'exclusive'. I realize we are at odds here... if the woman won't have sex with the guy until they are 'exclusive'... and the guy won't be exclusive until she has sex with him... then it looks like it ain't happnin. As it is, lots of guys claim to be exclusive, but have lots of stuff in the fine print. I know what that looks like too. Which is why I stick to friend of friends and people in my social circle now. Those men aren't going to get away with being douches forever. Also, it is pretty good odds in my current social circle that I'm not going to get surprised by a secret drug habit or criminal record.
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