Men have so many options and I'm sick of it!*

[Bob_Funk]

Then how do you explain my ex? I sent you his picture... does he look like he's in the top 5%?

 

No. It isn't about a "good personality"... it's about charisma and confidence.

 

Exceptions don't disprove the rule.

[verhrzn]

When you say "you," are you saying "you" in the general sense? Because I made it clear that I've never been accused of street harassment.

 

... In other words, your experiences ALSO contradict the whole "women think men smiling at them is akin to rape" thing.

 

Let me get this straight, both you and Woggle actually HAVEN'T had any of these negative experiences, you've just "heard" about them. And yet you're spouting them like you run into them constantly. But you don't have any actual first-hand proof.

[TheBigQuestion]

Wow, tons of offensive stereotypes thrown into one paragraph, I'm not sure where to start being offended.

 

And beyond that, be as offended as you want. It must be doing wonders for your blood pressure. Truth be told, I've never met a physically attractive, politically moderate woman who held extreme/unreasonable views of what constitutes street harassment. That's usually the domain of campus activists in skinny jeans and horn-rimmed glasses.

[verhrzn]

And beyond that, be as offended as you want. It must be doing wonders for your blood pressure. Truth be told, I've never met a physically attractive, politically moderate woman who held extreme/unreasonable views of what constitutes street harassment. That's usually the domain of campus activists in skinny jeans and horn-rimmed glasses.

 

If that's not who you're hitting on, who the freak cares what they think??

[TheBigQuestion]

... In other words, your experiences ALSO contradict the whole "women think men smiling at them is akin to rape" thing.

 

Let me get this straight, both you and Woggle actually HAVEN'T had any of these negative experiences, you've just "heard" about them. And yet you're spouting them like you run into them constantly. But you don't have any actual first-hand proof.

 

It's happened to friends of mine and I have female acquaintances who hold views like that. It's what happens when you play a genre of music that attracts a countercultural crowd. They post about it all over Facebook too. Not only that, the notion that "all random approaches = street harassment" is a pretty popular viewpoint among "Jezebel feminists."

 

What more first hand proof do you want? Do I need to experience cancer myself before I can say that I know it exists? You really need to slow down and think before you post, because your outrage is completely impeding your ability to reason right now.

[Bob_Funk]

Well, I don't think an average looking guy always has women "throwing themselves at him". Some do, most don't. HOWEVER, if a guy wants a relationship, he often can easily get it with girls that are considered better than him, either in the looks department or something else.

 

Only if he has social status or money.

 

To all you women, stop using the guys in your little clique as examples and speaking as if their experiences apply to most men. It would be like a female pornstar saying most penises are over 8" long, because that's all she's used to dealing with.

[TheBigQuestion]

Aaaand to bring this thread more directly back on topic...

 

OP, do you live in the boonies? Or Albuquerque, NM? Or some other dump of a city in a flyover state that's been overtaken by meth? If so, there's your problem. Start saving your money and get out ASAP.

[udolipixie]

the notion that "all random approaches = street harassment" is a pretty popular viewpoint among "Jezebel feminists."

I have yet to see an article published on Jezebel that states, implies, or suggest all random approaches equate to street harassment. It has defined several times that sexual harassment is aggressive and intrusive cat calling, groping, flashing, and assault.

 

The War Against Street Harassment Goes Global

Accounts of harasssment on HollaBacks aren't simply random approaches but following, threats, groping, attempted rape, sexual battery, and violent rejection reactions.

 

What more first hand proof do you want? Do I need to experience cancer myself before I can say that I know it exists? You really need to slow down and think before you post, because your outrage is completely impeding your ability to reason right now.

To me there's quite a difference from something existing and applying the existence as a generaly commonplace thing that constantly occurs to such amount one would be suited to be wary.

[verhrzn]

What more first hand proof do you want? Do I need to experience cancer myself before I can say that I know it exists? You really need to slow down and think before you post, because your outrage is completely impeding your ability to reason right now.

 

You need first-hand experience if you claim it's so common. You and Woggle are both acting like "women equating smiling with rape" is such a standard female practice that average guys are supposedly terrified of approaching. If it's common, then logically it should have happened at least a few times to either of you.

 

Since it hasn't happened to either of you, that flies in the face of the argument that it's "common" and supports the notion that only a very select portion of the female population holds that belief.

 

Thus, the argument that jerky losers are getting women because they're "street harassing" girls while average guys are scarred from years of "smile-rape" accusations doesn't hold up, because most women don't hold that viewpoint, and both of you have approached without overwhelming negative reactions, and even with success.

 

So there must be another reason jerky losers are getting women. Like... confidence and charisma. Ta-da.

 

By the way, your personal insults are just fantastic. Keep em coming.

[mesmerized]

Only if he has social status or money.

 

To all you women, stop using the guys in your little clique as examples and speaking as if their experiences apply to most men. It would be like a female pornstar saying most penises are over 8" long, because that's all she's used to dealing with.

 

How do you know we have little cliques? A lot of men would and have agreed with us on this too. It's certainly easier for a man to get a relationship with a woman in his league or even upper than it is for a woman. Simply because a lot of men who have options are always after the next best thing or are not into monogomy/don't want to be tied down. Now that's not to say no man ever dated someone below his league or that no man has problem dating. What I say holds true in general but not for every and each person on the planet.

[TheBigQuestion]

I have yet to see an article published on Jezebel that states, implies, or suggest all random approaches equate to street harassment. It has defined several times that sexual harassment is aggressive and intrusive cat calling, groping, flashing, and assault.

 

The War Against Street Harassment Goes Global

Accounts of harasssment on HollaBacks aren't simply random approaches but following, threats, groping, attempted rape, sexual battery, and violent rejection reactions.

 

 

To me there's quite a difference from something existing and applying the existence as a generaly commonplace thing that constantly occurs to such amount one would be suited to be wary.

 

Jezebel does its part to perpetrate the attitude I'm talking about, but admittedly it's something more present on the feminist blogosphere. I should have labeled it better and concede that it was an inaccurate label.

 

I never said that a majority of women had such stringent definitions, but yes, it IS an attitude common enough to be wary about. Not to mention that an innocent attempt at interacting with a female stranger can cause her to label the guy a creep VERY easily.

 

With that said, I'm done contributing to the derailment of this thread.

[FrustratedStandards]

First of all, don't believe everything a guy says. Often it's just to make themselves look better. Men who talk too much try to make up for other things.

 

Second, maybe these men are alpha males. My ex was one of these. He is so-so looking, poor, has a kid and isn't really that charming, yet somehow women are drooling for him and I could never see why.

 

Maybe it's just that for YOU these guys aren't anything special because you have better taste and higher standards.

[TheBigQuestion]

You need first-hand experience if you claim it's so common. You and Woggle are both acting like "women equating smiling with rape" is such a standard female practice that average guys are supposedly terrified of approaching. If it's common, then logically it should have happened at least a few times to either of you.

 

Since it hasn't happened to either of you, that flies in the face of the argument that it's "common" and supports the notion that only a very select portion of the female population holds that belief.

 

Thus, the argument that jerky losers are getting women because they're "street harassing" girls while average guys are scarred from years of "smile-rape" accusations doesn't hold up, because most women don't hold that viewpoint, and both of you have approached without overwhelming negative reactions, and even with success.

 

So there must be another reason jerky losers are getting women. Like... confidence and charisma. Ta-da.

 

By the way, your personal insults are just fantastic. Keep em coming.

 

Stop putting words in my mouth. I disagreed with Woggle that "smile=rape" was common. But the attitude that any ol' innocent street approach = street harassment IS fairly common.

 

 

And me telling you to calm down and think things through isn't an insult. It's a constructive suggestion. In my initial response, I stated that I never was accused of street harassment, but you still addressed me as if I had been accused of it. Then you've continued to conflate my assertions with Woggle's. Then you're trying to imply that I can't claim something is true just because it's never happened to me, or that just because it's never happened to me I have no standing to speak about it or against it.

[FrustratedStandards]

Stop putting words in my mouth. I disagreed with Woggle that "smile=rape" was common. But the attitude that any ol' innocent street approach = street harassment IS fairly common.

 

What the f*ck? What's wrong with people?

[iris219]

Aaaand to bring this thread more directly back on topic...

 

OP, do you live in the boonies? Or Albuquerque, NM? Or some other dump of a city in a flyover state that's been overtaken by meth? If so, there's your problem. Start saving your money and get out ASAP.

 

I live in a mid-size Southern town. It's actually a beautiful place where people come to retire. There are very few singles over 30, and most of these singles are women.

[Simple love]

As a man I can tell you that sleeping around is only a temporary fix. I've been in a long loving relationship and it's 1000 times more rewarding than sleeping around. Don't be jealous or caught up in it. You have to be true to yourself. Some guys are players and that's fine but there are lots of men who want the real thing. Relationships can leave you vulnerable but can be the most rewarding too.

[ThaWholigan]

It's quite easy for a man to have options if he actually accepts the person that he is, whether he's a "jerk" or not. You will at least know where you stand with said person, and a woman can at least respect that - even if they don't agree with how he lives.

 

Where I live in London, there are girls who date a lot of guys who are like you describe. Some of those guys are my friends . The one similarity they have is that there is a level of self-acceptance and therefore, they can be as charismatic and confident as they can allow themselves to be.

 

Girls will actually forego things like a weed habit, or a lack of urgency to seek employment or even to leave the mother's house. I've seen it. I could probably do it . I'd rather wait until I'm a little better, if it comes before then, great.

 

-------------------------------------------

 

As for this approaching argument (smile-rape? really?), it once again comes down to understanding and respecting the boundaries of others but at the same time recognizing that no matter how magnificent you are, not everyone will respond in the way you want, so once you are at one with that fact, it will be easier to approach. And women will actually be a little more receptive to you, even if they didn't initially want to be approached, or even if they will reject you.

 

It's best not to take most of this stuff seriously, as I am learning not to. You'll get ulcers .

[TheBigQuestion]

I live in a mid-size Southern town. It's actually a beautiful place where people come to retire. There are very few singles over 30, and most of these singles are women.

 

Then the cure for your ills is a simple change of scenery. Of course I'm not presumptuous enough to think that "just moving" is easy, but you should definitely consider it if finding an LTR is a top priority for you. You might not even have to go that far. Just look at the demographics for places around you.

[Oasis252]

We can all have a new date every weekend as long as we are wanting to screw any guy that thinks we are hot... sad but honestly today, the concept of relationships has jumped ship.

[TheWatcher]

Or maybe the women have no other options. You hear guys complaining on forums like this how women don't like them, but those same guys also barely leave the house, hardly ever interact with women, and absolutely never approach them or ask them out.

 

They barely leave the house,never approach women or ask them out

because they know nothing (positive) will come of it.They are honest

with themselves and have conceded that they are without charm,

socially-awkward and have limited conversational skills.Perhaps,they

have taken a long,hard look at themselves & realized they have

very little to offer & even if they did meet someone..they could

never sustain a woman's interest for any significant level of time.

 

No...they do not expect someone to magically appear in their

lives.They do not expect the woman of their dreams to initiate

contact.They realized that it meeting women takes considerable

effort.However,they lack the confidence,self-esteem,convers

ational skills and the ability to keep things light/moving along

when interacting with women.They wish they were that guy..

the guy who is always ready with a humorous quip or funny

observation that will immediately put a women at ease and

make her more open to talking/flirting.

 

Also,a lot of men are so entrenched in a solitary/insular life

style that it would take a serious life-change for them to

move out of it.They are so used to being alone that it has

defined who they are...become a part of their identity.

[Anela]

Strong troll?

 

 

She isn't a troll.

[DepressedinDenver]

lol well of course these type of guys have women lined up. Women love these type of guys. The aloof dont give a Muck types. Women want to chase them and feel alive.

 

I mean the OP stated herself that her ex is a drug addict loser but the OP herself wanted him. So if she wanted him of course other women wanted him too. Thats the way it seems to go.

 

As long as losers and low lives can hide their true selves behind words and charm them women will keep on listening to them because they stir girls EMOTIONS. Guys who dont get dates cant do the same but some low lives are good at messing with women so the women chase them like the OP does and the rest, as they say, is history.

[verhrzn]

lol well of course these type of guys have women lined up. Women love these type of guys. The aloof dont give a Muck types. Women want to chase them and feel alive.

 

I mean the OP stated herself that her ex is a drug addict loser but the OP herself wanted him. So if she wanted him of course other women wanted him too. Thats the way it seems to go.

 

As long as losers and low lives can hide their true selves behind words and charm them women will keep on listening to them because they stir girls EMOTIONS. Guys who dont get dates cant do the same but some low lives are good at messing with women so the women chase them like the OP does and the rest, as they say, is history.

 

So... you're suggesting women learn to mind-read??

[DepressedinDenver]

I'm suggesting these women smarten up before they let these guys "hook up with every woman on the first date" as the OP states. Because if thats what they do they have no room to complain.

[chimneychamp]

I can't find a man who wants a commitment because either he's already in a relationship, he has his pick of women, or he's horrible (and that's ok because some woman will want him), or a combination of the three. I'm so frustrated.

 

*sigh*

 

As an unsuccessful guy at relationships, reading this makes me feel like life has passed me by. You really think it is that easy for us?

 

I'm a good guy. I work hard, keep clean, reasonably fit, mind my own business, and am considerate of people. I'm attractive enough to get dates, but for whatever reason I seem to be "unchosen" after a week or two of most of my attempts with women. I know I'm not perfect (maybe a little awkward, and not the best in new social situations), but it just seems to me many of these girls are way too picky.