udolipixie Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 The overwhelming majority of women today aren't even interesting as a person. Other than her looks there isn't much else going for them and just forget about them connecting with men because outside of a dinner date, a movie, and in the bedroom, we might as well go our separate ways. From my experience the majority of guys/gals today in America aren't interesting as a person or interested in connecting with the gender of their desire especially the young guys/gals. Not too many have activities, hobbies, interests, skills, talents or interesting defining life experiences. Though at least guys get looks as it doesn't seem guys generally have much to offer in that department.
LZ2000 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Man, if I was an average looking guy i would hunt down the girl of my dreams and marry her.
verhrzn Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Why don't you stop the complaining and do some approaching then? Won't it make things a lot easier and less stressful if you go talk to the guy that you want instead of keep waiting around for the wrong ones to come up to you? Except then she'd be accused to only going after players, or being shallow, or ignoring the "good" guys (who are apparently never in bars anyway...), or how she's desperate... I approach, and it hasn't done a thing for me except make me feel worse about myself, as the guys insult me and then laugh at their buddies as I flee.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Except then she'd be accused to only going after players, or being shallow, or ignoring the "good" guys (who are apparently never in bars anyway...), or how she's desperate... I approach, and it hasn't done a thing for me except make me feel worse about myself, as the guys insult me and then laugh at their buddies as I flee. Huh? I'm curious as to how you approach and an example of what you say to the guy you're interested; god forbid you approach a guy in a group, as that will turn out just as badly as a guy approaching a woman in a group.
somedude81 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Man, if I was an average looking guy i would hunt down the girl of my dreams and marry her. What would you do if when she rejects you?
verhrzn Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Huh? I'm curious as to how you approach and an example of what you say to the guy you're interested; god forbid you approach a guy in a group, as that will turn out just as badly as a guy approaching a woman in a group. Usually I start by talking in general to the group he's a part of. Usually at parties or large social meetings, small social pockets form. If I see a guy I think looks interesting, I insert myself into the group talk somehow. Then when he makes a comment, I try to respond to that or ask him a question. With any luck, it looks like this: Him: <Comment> Me: <Response> <Question> Him: <Response> <Question> Usually it doesn't get that far. The guy either ignores me, or makes a comment and then walks away. Once in a while, it'll lead to a conversation, but those always end in the guy pouring out his heart about how he's still hung up on his ex-gf, and how hot girls just don't pay any attention to him, or could I get my cute friend's number for him. About 5% of the time, the guy reacts in a hostile way to my comment, and we start arguing. Usually it's some variety about how he's better at something than I am, or how I'm not really into something like I claim I am. About 1% of the time they just moo at me. How bout you, Iris? Do you approach at all?
LZ2000 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 What would you do if when she rejects you? What isn't meant to be, isn't meant to be. Simple.
PlumPrincess Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 It can't be both? I can't have both liked him AND thought there was no one else? (Cause there wasn't.) I'm constantly told on this forum to lower my standards... if an unemployed pot head doesn't want me, who would? You never answered my (and Iris' original) question: if jerks and womanizers are all you can get, are all that you can attract, then what? Maybe you should consider the guys who do want a serious relationship? Your justification why you can't get anybody is that even the (truly) nice guys don't want you while now it turned out that your "nice guy" was a womanizer. I don't believe that you lowered your standards to date an unemployed pot head. I rather believe that you didn't care that he was an unemployed pot head, because you were smitten with this charming womanizer. 1
TheBigQuestion Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Except then she'd be accused to only going after players, or being shallow, or ignoring the "good" guys (who are apparently never in bars anyway...), or how she's desperate... Plenty of "good" guys go to bars. Myself included. I'm pretty much the greatest dude around.
LZ2000 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 To be honest, I would go to a bar to expect a lovely cold beer, not expecting any women to approach me for a conversation or for anything else.
verhrzn Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Maybe you should consider the guys who do want a serious relationship? Your justification why you can't get anybody is that even the (truly) nice guys don't want you while now it turned out that your "nice guy" was a womanizer. I don't believe that you lowered your standards to date an unemployed pot head. I rather believe that you didn't care that he was an unemployed pot head, because you were smitten with this charming womanizer. And I have said this over and over again... where exactly ARE those guys that want relationships? Here are all the places I've looked for guys who want a serious relationship and found nothing: -online (I've tried OKCupid and Match for 6 months each and never been messaged) -bookstores -cooking classes -museum volunteering -soup kitchen volunteering -church (nothing but single women and couples) -book clubs -gaming groups (Pathfinder and Magic, primarily) And why is it so hard to understand that I dated him for BOTH reasons: that I know I can't get any better, AND because I liked him? Why are you obsessed with this idea that I'm only into players? Here's some very simple logic: I am into anyone who is into me. 1
Scottdmw Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 And I have said this over and over again... where exactly ARE those guys that want relationships? Here are all the places I've looked for guys who want a serious relationship and found nothing: -online (I've tried OKCupid and Match for 6 months each and never been messaged) -bookstores -cooking classes -museum volunteering -soup kitchen volunteering -church (nothing but single women and couples) -book clubs -gaming groups (Pathfinder and Magic, primarily) And why is it so hard to understand that I dated him for BOTH reasons: that I know I can't get any better, AND because I liked him? Why are you obsessed with this idea that I'm only into players? Here's some very simple logic: I am into anyone who is into me. Congratulations for trying! Out of the things you listed, here's what I'd say. With cooking classes, museum and soup kitchen volunteering, and book clubs, you might actually find groups that have more women than men, so not your best bet. Bookstores are okay, but even relatively highly motivated guys like me find “cold approaches” difficult and undesirable. I've never done one. Do you have any interest in outdoor activities of any kind? There are a number of hiking groups in my area where “hiking” is more like let's go walk in the park for two hours at a slow pace and then go to the bar. Any type of outdoor interest group is probably a better bet for meeting men. Even if you are not in particularly good shape, there is a decent chance that the men there will be happy that you are participating at all and be supportive. Do you do any kind of fitness activities? If so, you might consider leaving the yoga or aerobics and replacing it with some kind of relatively “fluffy” martial art like Tae Kwan Do. If you pick the right place, it will basically just be aerobics but with different moves and many more men than women. With the church groups, it can vary a lot. Believe it or not, at 95% of the church activities I go to there are more men than women, sometimes as many as 3 to 1. I'm sure this has enormous variation in regions as well as between religions. The point is, as long as you are not theologically opposed to it try some other ones. Scott
PlumPrincess Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Do I even sound half as negative as V? You whine and she debates. 3
Scottdmw Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 It sounds like you're really trying, so I'm sure something good will happen for you soon. It's nice to hear that there ARE normal, single guys over 30 out there. One thing that is really depressing is I feel I do put myself out there. I know a lot of people and I go out often. (I'll be going out tonight to see a friend play music). There are rarely more men than women when I go, unless you go to a sports bar (and there the men my age are married) or a place where the crowd is very young. I often see groups of women never get approached because there aren't any single men to approach them. I don't do online dating because I know a lot of the people on there. I also have a job where it wouldn't be a good idea (my job isn't exactly high profile, but it's high visibility). I have friends who live in a large city 2 hours away and I go visit about once every other month. I have never met anyone there and have only been hit on by boys in their early-mid twenties. I've met one single man this year. I wish single men my age were at the places I go to as well. It's a trend in the South to marry (or pair up) early. It's probably only in the South, in the year 2012, where people still joke about women going to college to get an MRS degree. I'm curious, Scott. Why do you think you're still single? Two reasons I think. One, I do tend to be somewhat picky, not just about physical appearance but about other things. For a while I was adamantly opposed to dating anyone that was not a pretty close religious match for example. Pickiness wasn't such a problem when I was younger because there were plenty to choose from, but it's getting to be more of a problem. I'm actually trying to tone that down and be more open to dating women that are not my model of perfection. The second is I had a relationship in my early 30s that lasted for several years, almost led to marriage but ended, then required a few more years to recover from. I think I just basically got unlucky here, if I had dated a different woman that was similar but didn't have the same specific issues that ended up reacting badly with my specific issues, I think I would have been fine. As it is, I lost an awful lot of time. Oh, and it doesn't help that I work in a field that is still 90% men. I guess the best I can advise you is just to keep trying to find different venues to explore. If you find things are difficult in your area, you could move! I have certainly considered it. Scott
LZ2000 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 The second is I had a relationship in my early 30s that lasted for several years, almost led to marriage but ended, then required a few more years to recover from. I think I just basically got unlucky here, if I had dated a different woman that was similar but didn't have the same specific issues that ended up reacting badly with my specific issues, I think I would have been fine. As it is, I lost an awful lot of time. This is the most painful paragraph I have ever read all week !
xxoo Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Here's some very simple logic: I am into anyone who is into me. That's part of the problem.
verhrzn Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Do you have any interest in outdoor activities of any kind? There are a number of hiking groups in my area where “hiking” is more like let's go walk in the park for two hours at a slow pace and then go to the bar. Any type of outdoor interest group is probably a better bet for meeting men. Even if you are not in particularly good shape, there is a decent chance that the men there will be happy that you are participating at all and be supportive. Ugh, not even vaguely. I don't like the outdoors, sports or drinking.. which knocks out pretty much like 75% of the male population right there. Do you do any kind of fitness activities? If so, you might consider leaving the yoga or aerobics and replacing it with some kind of relatively “fluffy” martial art like Tae Kwan Do. If you pick the right place, it will basically just be aerobics but with different moves and many more men than women. Actually I do a Korea martial arts currently; been doing it for about 5 years, so I know a lot of the people "in" the art. There are certainly more men than women... but all of them are either engaged/married, or way too young for me. (As in 19-22 year old range, when I am 27.) Plus I'm a black belt, and there's the whole "can't date your students" thing. On this, I'll probably be labeled inflexible, but I'm not leaving my art. If I train elsewhere, I lose my belt, and I love this organization. With the church groups, it can vary a lot. Believe it or not, at 95% of the church activities I go to there are more men than women, sometimes as many as 3 to 1. I'm sure this has enormous variation in regions as well as between religions. The point is, as long as you are not theologically opposed to it try some other ones. Bizarre, the differences in experiences. I've been to Lutheran and non-denominational ("mega churches") and the break downs are always young couples, families, or at the born-again churches, college kids. Not sure if regional explains it, I'm only a hop-skip state away from you.
carhill Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 And I have said this over and over again... where exactly ARE those guys that want relationships? My exW was surprised and intrigued when I started taking her to car shows and she saw all the single, mostly successful men in attendance. She lamented that she should have known about such venues when single. I don't know if that was a backhanded compliment or not I experienced a lot of what you're going through and I'd say my best potential results on the volunteering front came from working for our local zoo as a docent and with our local 'green' group, beautifying the city with landscaping. Of course, that's a man seeking to meet single women, so YMMV.
PlumPrincess Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 And I have said this over and over again... where exactly ARE those guys that want relationships? Here are all the places I've looked for guys who want a serious relationship and found nothing: -online (I've tried OKCupid and Match for 6 months each and never been messaged) -bookstores -cooking classes -museum volunteering -soup kitchen volunteering -church (nothing but single women and couples) -book clubs -gaming groups (Pathfinder and Magic, primarily) And why is it so hard to understand that I dated him for BOTH reasons: that I know I can't get any better, AND because I liked him? Why are you obsessed with this idea that I'm only into players? Here's some very simple logic: I am into anyone who is into me. I even get messaged when I don't put up a picture. I know single guys from: - my hiking group - work - dance classes (when I did take them) Other places where I see guys: - gym - at home when I lived in a shared flat (friends of my male roommates) - hostels - when I took language classes at my university (mostly not my age group anymore, but they should be the right age for you. Take any class, it just happens that I usually just take language classes) Places where I assume that there are single guys who are interested in dating: - single parties - speed dating - Couchsurfing events () A friend of mine once suggested that I get a dog. She said dog owners have an easy time with starting a conversation. And one of my ex-roommates had a dog and people in the street started talking to her all the time. I don't think most guys are conditioned to be nice and to volunteer. Single guys who want to meet women will take dance classes or go to single parties. Come to think of it, I think I'm kind of not interested enough in meeting guys, as strange as it may sound. Usually I'm more focused in whatever I'm doing at the moment and I'm rarely in that easy-going-let-things-happen-mode. I go to a shop and want to buy something and get out. I'm in the bus and want to get from A to B. I do volunteer work and I concentrate on convincing people. I always mean business and it's not really great for meeting guys.
somedude81 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 V, you ever try and dance classes, salsa, ballroom or go to any of those types of clubs?
xxoo Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Ugh, not even vaguely. I don't like the outdoors, sports or drinking.. which knocks out pretty much like 75% of the male population right there. You don't have to have everything in common. If you rent, do you live in a neighborhood with lots of young, single professionals? Apt complexes can be ideal for that, complete with a swimming pool for mingling. Shooting range?
Million.to.1 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 - Couchsurfing events () Met so many amazing people through couch surfing. And a couple of great guys. unfortunately they live far far away though.
verhrzn Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 V, you ever try and dance classes, salsa, ballroom or go to any of those types of clubs? Yeah, I've done swing and salsa. The class was mostly girls or established couples. I had to dance the guy part a few times because there were too many of us. There are a few "impromptu" salsa clubs in my city where no one speaks any English, but hey, maybe my standards really aren't that low. (New standard: be able to communicate in a common language.) You don't have to have everything in common. If you rent, do you live in a neighborhood with lots of young, single professionals? Apt complexes can be ideal for that, complete with a swimming pool for mingling. Shooting range? I do rent, but I live in the suburbs. Apartments in the city (where supposedly people my age live) are about double the cost. No, I don't need everything in common... but anything in common would be nice, and the types of guys into out doors/sports/alcohol just don't dig the fat, nerdy girl who faints after an hour outside. ... A shooting range?? Uh... what?...
xxoo Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I do rent, but I live in the suburbs. Apartments in the city (where supposedly people my age live) are about double the cost. No, I don't need everything in common... but anything in common would be nice, and the types of guys into out doors/sports/alcohol just don't dig the fat, nerdy girl who faints after an hour outside. ... A shooting range?? Uh... what?... The kind of apt complex I'm talking about is typically in the suburbs. Serious about the shooting range! I'm considering going, just to do something completely different and challenge myself to stretch and try something new. I'm betting that they are full of men, and many of those men would bend over backwards to help out the new girl
verhrzn Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 The kind of apt complex I'm talking about is typically in the suburbs. Serious about the shooting range! I'm considering going, just to do something completely different and challenge myself to stretch and try something new. I'm betting that they are full of men, and many of those men would bend over backwards to help out the new girl ... I'm really starting to think I live in an alternate universe, cause my apartment complex is nothing but families and single women. There are two Asian guys on the next floor who have large groups of women over, but otherwise my neighborhood is very quiet. Well, good for you, have fun with that. I'm pretty sure many men would bend over backwards to help a pretty girl with ANYthing, so no worries there.
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