kaylan Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 ^What is "here"? Where are you living that a woman in her 20s cant find young single men all over the place? Me thinks you need to make new friends and network. Theres plenty of young guys to be had out there. Your problem is youre hanging out with couples...hanging with couples a lot tends to not help you find single folks. I personally find couples to be boring to be around when I am single anyways. And actually, plenty of women who want kids are worried about the effects it has on the body. Have you read this forum a lot or other forums online? A LOT of women worry about this. And you cant be too sure how you will look after pregnancy even if you are fit now. The body changes as it ages, and pregnancy can do a hell of a lot to a womans body, though the effects are different from gal to gal.
Author iris219 Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 ^What is "here"? Where are you living that a woman in her 20s cant find young single men all over the place? Me thinks you need to make new friends and network. Theres plenty of young guys to be had out there. Your problem is youre hanging out with couples...that tends to not help you find single folks. I find couple to be boring to be around when I am single. And actually, plenty of women who want kids are worried about the effects it has on the body. Have you read this forum a lot or other forums online? A LOT of women worry about this. And you cant be too sure how you will look after pregnancy even if you are fit now. The body changes as it ages, and pregnancy can do a hell of a lot to a womans body, though the effects are different from gal to gal. I'm not in my 20's. I'm 33. Most of the people I know are couples, though I have some single friends.
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 According to one set of statistics I saw awhile ago most people find their mate at school or work.
kaylan Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I'm not in my 20's. I'm 33. Most of the people I know are couples, though I have some single friends. ^I say make a new crew of single friends. Thats what I would do. Sure they are less single folks in the over 30 crowd who are actively dating, but theres still a bunch out there.
zengirl Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 ^I say make a new crew of single friends. Thats what I would do. Sure they are less single folks in the over 30 crowd who are actively dating, but theres still a bunch out there. Where iris lives, there are not a bunch. I expect there are fairly few that she would get along with/be compatible with. Her area is really not the best for dating in her age range.
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I'm not in my 20's. I'm 33. Most of the people I know are couples, though I have some single friends. In one's 30's there are still many guys who are single and some who have divorced by that point. It is hardly hopeless.
lino Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 If you have a history of getting with druggies and losers, not much sympathy for you... you clearly are into them.
Author iris219 Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 If you have a history of getting with druggies and losers, not much sympathy for you... you clearly are into them. You've missed the point of the thread. The women on here expressing frustration are frustrated because they are NOT into losers, but that's who they meet. If I was into losers, I wouldn't be here complaining about being single.
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 If you have a history of getting with druggies and losers, not much sympathy for you... you clearly are into them. I find it funny when we give women sympathy for their own bad dating choices. We are condoning a bad decision making process which could only perpetuate the same bad behavior.
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 You've missed the point of the thread. The women on here expressing frustration are frustrated because they are NOT into losers, but that's who they meet. If I was into losers, I wouldn't be here complaining about being single. I hear women who are into losers complain all the time about them and their dating status in the real world.
udolipixie Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I don't think our experiences are all that different. It seems we are talking about the same thing, except you are phrasing it differently in an effort to sound politically correct. It's different experiences to me and I don't make any attempts to sound or be politically correct. So exactly how are we talking about the same thing but I'm phrasing it in an attempt to sound politically correct: Nice guys put women on a pedestal and treat them like delicate flowers. Bad boys see women as nothing more than T&A...pieces of meat that are good for one thing and one thing only. Different experiences. From mine the guys who see gals as nothing more than T & A tend to be labeled by 'jerks' by gals. How it it attempting to sound politically correct to relay that in my experiences gals tend not label a guy with the T&A view a bad guy but a jerk while guys would tend to label a guy with the T&A view a bad guy? We're certainly not talking about the same thing as to me generally guys label abusive, violent jerks as bad guys while gals label them jerks. Seems guys associate bad guy to extremes (abusive, misgyonist, T&A view) while gals associate bady guy to skewed traits they find attractive (cocky, teasing, carefree, exciting). And contrary to what society teaches us, women find such attitude attractive and sexy. Different experiences. From mine most gals find the bad guy attractive and sexy and dislike or hate his attitude hoping to change it. Though it's not to change it to the nice guy's attitude as they find it stifling, suffocating, or placating. They seem to want a happy median of seeing her as a sexual being that they like/love rather than a sexual object (bad guy) or delicate flower (nice guy). How is it attempting to sound politically correct to say that gals don't like the attitude but the guy so they attempt to change the attitude? How is it talking about the same thing when I'm saying generally the gal doesn't like the bad boy's attitude but she doesn't like the nice guy's attitude either but at the bad guy is attractive so she'll change him to be a happy median (or whatever she wants he lacks)? There's constant day to day examples of this and a commanlity in many guys stories about gals & bad boys is the gal trying to change him.
Scottdmw Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I've decided that being pregnant and giving birth by myself would be depressing for me. I want someone to share those moments with me. I will, however, look into adoption in about 10 years. The normal, stable guys I know are married or in LTR. They easily found relationships. It not that women are attracted to losers (I’m not). The point of my thread is that there’s nothing else left after a certain age. How old is your friend? Over 30? He may have gotten to the age where women are dying for male attention. I have single female friends who haven’t been on dates in years. I actually do well compared to them and that’s not saying much. I definitely need to put Portland on my vacation list! I recently applied for a job there, but didn't get it. How is this thread useless? Useless to YOU, you mean? From what I know about you, you go out to clubs and are surrounded by young, hot, single girls. I have never walked into any room and been surrounded by single men. Imagine, if everywhere you went there were only married women and women too damaged to have a relationship. I think you'd get frustrated too if you literally had no options. Iris, So, I'm what I consider to be a normal stable guy at age 39. I have had a decent number of girlfriends in the past, including some who were pretty and well-liked, so I think I can say I have decent social skills. I have a solid job with a good income and lots of interests, not divorced or with kids or any other significant minuses. Yet, my experience is that it is very difficult to meet women in their 30s. I make a very strong effort. I'm usually on multiple dating sites sending out messages all the time, but struggling for one or two dates a month. I also go out all the time, as in almost every night of the week. I go to many Meetup.com events, church events, running and hiking groups, parties, and whatever else I can find. My experience with all these situations is that too many women in their 30’s don't try very hard, at least not compared to what I do. At most of these events there tend to be more men than women. I’ve also talked to a lot of my single friends who are women in their 30s, and it seems they spend the vast majority of their time going to work and going home, maybe hanging out with friends. If they are on a dating site, they only meet maybe 1 person every month or 2, and wonder why that isn't enough, but don't want to do more. We talk about how to meet people and I describe my efforts, and they inevitably say it sounds “exhausting” or something like that. I have suggested to some women that they should consider making more of an effort, but it seems like most women in their 30s just don't care that much and are not interested in making an effort. I didn't read your whole thread so maybe you've addressed this, but I'm curious how much time on a per weekly basis you spend at places where you could meet someone. How far out of your way you go? How often do you leave your familiar comfort zone? I have driven as far as 1.5 hours to attend events in other metropolitan areas in order to meet different people. I do meet a LOT of 20-something women, they are certainly out and about. Lest you think this is just about my particular area, again I drive up to 1.5 hours, covering almost the entire southeast Michigan metro Detroit area. I don't want to make this about shifting blame, but I honestly feel that I'm putting in a lot more effort here than the women I would like to meet, and that there is not much more I can do. I often have a feeling of wishing that women in their 30's would do more to meet me halfway. I'm not expecting them to make the first move or things like that, just to be physically present anywhere where I could find them. Scott
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 By your 30's and 40's most people become too set in their ways to change. Might as well see if you can get one of those 20 somethings interested in more.
somedude81 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 According to one set of statistics I saw awhile ago most people find their mate at school or work. And that's precisely where I've met every girl I've asked out. And it's roughly 20 girls now. So far I'm 0 for 20.
EasyHeart Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 And that's precisely where I've met every girl I've asked out. And it's roughly 20 girls now. So far I'm 0 for 20.There are two big problems in dating: (1) Meeting people that you want to date; and (2) Getting a date with them. Most of us have bigger problems with #1. It sounds like you're problem is more with #2, which simply means that you have to improve on your technique.
somedude81 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 There are two big problems in dating: (1) Meeting people that you want to date; and (2) Getting a date with them. Most of us have bigger problems with #1. It sounds like you're problem is more with #2, which simply means that you have to improve on your technique. Yeah, it's definitely number 2. Working retail and going to a big undergrad school in SoCal. There is no shortage of people I'd want to date. Though I guess I could be asking out more girls on a regular basis.
thatone Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Scott: iris iris: Scott they're too far away, he's up near the canada border and she's in the southern US. always something !
EasyHeart Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Yeah, it's definitely number 2. Working retail and going to a big undergrad school in SoCal. There is no shortage of people I'd want to date. Though I guess I could be asking out more girls on a regular basis.That just means you have to practice. Don't expect to get a date with everyone you ask and don't take it personally if they turn you down. At your age, it's just a matter of getting practice and experience. And if what you're doing doesn't work, then change it up. Try different styles and techniques until you find one that works for you.
verhrzn Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 That just means you have to practice. Don't expect to get a date with everyone you ask and don't take it personally if they turn you down. At your age, it's just a matter of getting practice and experience. And if what you're doing doesn't work, then change it up. Try different styles and techniques until you find one that works for you. Interesting that you say "at your age." At what age is it allowed to just accept that it's no longer a matter of practice and experience, and that you should probably just give up? I'm assuming the age is different for men and women.
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 That just means you have to practice. Don't expect to get a date with everyone you ask and don't take it personally if they turn you down. At your age, it's just a matter of getting practice and experience. And if what you're doing doesn't work, then change it up. Try different styles and techniques until you find one that works for you. Ahh yes the throw spaghetti at a wall and see what sticks methodology. I don't think that has worked for anyone with true difficulties.
thatone Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Interesting that you say "at your age." At what age is it allowed to just accept that it's no longer a matter of practice and experience, and that you should probably just give up? I'm assuming the age is different for men and women. when rough sex presents a real danger of breaking a hip
Author iris219 Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) Iris, So, I'm what I consider to be a normal stable guy at age 39. I have had a decent number of girlfriends in the past, including some who were pretty and well-liked, so I think I can say I have decent social skills. I have a solid job with a good income and lots of interests, not divorced or with kids or any other significant minuses. Yet, my experience is that it is very difficult to meet women in their 30s. I make a very strong effort. I'm usually on multiple dating sites sending out messages all the time, but struggling for one or two dates a month. I also go out all the time, as in almost every night of the week. I go to many Meetup.com events, church events, running and hiking groups, parties, and whatever else I can find. My experience with all these situations is that too many women in their 30’s don't try very hard, at least not compared to what I do. At most of these events there tend to be more men than women. I’ve also talked to a lot of my single friends who are women in their 30s, and it seems they spend the vast majority of their time going to work and going home, maybe hanging out with friends. If they are on a dating site, they only meet maybe 1 person every month or 2, and wonder why that isn't enough, but don't want to do more. We talk about how to meet people and I describe my efforts, and they inevitably say it sounds “exhausting” or something like that. I have suggested to some women that they should consider making more of an effort, but it seems like most women in their 30s just don't care that much and are not interested in making an effort. I didn't read your whole thread so maybe you've addressed this, but I'm curious how much time on a per weekly basis you spend at places where you could meet someone. How far out of your way you go? How often do you leave your familiar comfort zone? I have driven as far as 1.5 hours to attend events in other metropolitan areas in order to meet different people. I do meet a LOT of 20-something women, they are certainly out and about. Lest you think this is just about my particular area, again I drive up to 1.5 hours, covering almost the entire southeast Michigan metro Detroit area. I don't want to make this about shifting blame, but I honestly feel that I'm putting in a lot more effort here than the women I would like to meet, and that there is not much more I can do. I often have a feeling of wishing that women in their 30's would do more to meet me halfway. I'm not expecting them to make the first move or things like that, just to be physically present anywhere where I could find them. Scott It sounds like you're really trying, so I'm sure something good will happen for you soon. It's nice to hear that there ARE normal, single guys over 30 out there. One thing that is really depressing is I feel I do put myself out there. I know a lot of people and I go out often. (I'll be going out tonight to see a friend play music). There are rarely more men than women when I go, unless you go to a sports bar (and there the men my age are married) or a place where the crowd is very young. I often see groups of women never get approached because there aren't any single men to approach them. I don't do online dating because I know a lot of the people on there. I also have a job where it wouldn't be a good idea (my job isn't exactly high profile, but it's high visibility). I have friends who live in a large city 2 hours away and I go visit about once every other month. I have never met anyone there and have only been hit on by boys in their early-mid twenties. I've met one single man this year. I wish single men my age were at the places I go to as well. It's a trend in the South to marry (or pair up) early. It's probably only in the South, in the year 2012, where people still joke about women going to college to get an MRS degree. I'm curious, Scott. Why do you think you're still single? Edited May 8, 2012 by iris219
Shaun-Dro Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I agree, but I definitely feel like her descriptions of her environment are a bit skewed. I've never heard of a place where pretty much every guy is a drugged out loser but where every woman is this fantastic, successful, beautiful being with a dazzling personality. Usually the genders tend to be on the same page. I don't deny that OP is having genuine trouble meeting suitable men, however, and that's why I advocate for her to relocate. The overwhelming majority of women today aren't even interesting as a person. Other than her looks there isn't much else going for them and just forget about them connecting with men because outside of a dinner date, a movie, and in the bedroom, we might as well go our separate ways.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 On one hand, I’m glad that other women can relate to my situation because it makes me feel validated and not alone, but on the other hand, it makes me very, very sad and hopeless. ES is in another country and has witnessed the same thing. I’m pretty uncomplicated when it comes to what I want in a man. If a man listens to me, seems interested in my life, is witty, and has some sort of charisma, I’m all about him. I want someone who makes me feel special and wanted and who I have fun with. Notice I said nothing about appearances here. I put little emphasis on the physical (of course, it’s important that I be attracted to the guy, but he doesn’t have to all that attractive for me to find him attractive. I showed someone here a pic of the last guy I dated and she said he looked like a rodent!) Just being able to have an interesting conversation goes a long way with women. It's so disappointing when it becomes clear that this guy has no qualities that will make him relationship material. He's good at feigning it at first though. I don’t think where I live is as much the problem as the age group. There are simply very few available men over 30. That’s why these guys can get away with being less than desirable. I wish nice, normal guys would approach me (but I guess their wives wouldn’t like that ). Why don't you stop the complaining and do some approaching then? Won't it make things a lot easier and less stressful if you go talk to the guy that you want instead of keep waiting around for the wrong ones to come up to you?
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