Men have so many options and I'm sick of it!*

[LittlePrince]

A lot of the men on this forum have ugly attitudes toward women.

 

They don't represent men I know and like. They represent men struggling with dating (possibly because of their ugly attitudes toward women).

The men who women like you often find themselves attracted to and who have an easy time with women in general have much uglier attitudes toward women than are expressed here. These are tepid by comparison. You might not know it because of the gender barrier and these are the sort of things guys only talk to guys in private about, but you should have at least guessed it by now. Some aren't so private about it and you can over hear them in malls or other public places shouting it.

[sid3]

Yay, it's my awful personality instead! That makes me feel SO much better!

 

PS: If it's not my appearance... why does every single guy tell me it's my appearance?

 

Honestly, so far it has been your appearance. You just haven't met the right guy yet where it won't matter.That's not going to happen until you drop your shytty attitude. I could care less personally, but for your own sake, you should work on it if you ever want to be happy.

[Quiet Storm]

I don't wish to kill the messenger - I think there's some truth in what you say. But IMO this attitude, in general, is detrimental to both men and women alike, and I wish more people would see sense through it. By making it sound like it's exponentially harder for women to get a good mate later on, it develops a false sense of extreme urgency in some young women, to marry early at all costs if they prize relationships and family.

 

This is all well and good if it naturally comes about, but in many cases you see young women putting all sorts of ultimatums and pressure on the men they purport to love to marry them within a certain timeframe, or settling down with a man they don't truly love, or doing whatever they do with the sole goal of getting marriage ASAP. All because they fear that they will never be able to 'snag' a guy again or have a family after a certain age.

 

I'm sure you can see why this process is bad. People rush into it when one or both sides are not ready, and that doesn't usually end well. Not all young marriages are bad, but young marriages that stem from one party's fear of getting older while still unmarried, are quite likely to turn sour.

 

Also, given that you have posted repeatedly about gender equality and the need for 50/50 financial contribution, I'm curious to hear your reasoning for aging being more detrimental for women seeking relationships. What do you think women are with much older men for (which can be the only reason for this discrepancy), in most cases? The entire 'older men, younger women' thing stemmed from an era in which a man was valued primarily for his ability to provide for the family because women did not work outside the home, and women were valued primarily for her youth because it meant she was more fertile and had a better chance of producing offspring. One cannot exist without the other - there is no rationale for older men being preferred over older women, other than earning capacity being prized more in men.

 

At any rate, I do agree that the pool shrinks as you get older, but it shrinks equally for both - I guess I don't really count the women who want older men just so they can have a rich husband. OTOH, I think that at any age, there is still a reasonable chance of finding the right person for you, assuming you have kept yourself in decent shape mentally, emotionally, and physically - because the right person will not dismiss you for your age or lack thereof.

 

I just think you should be realistic. It's not good to rush into any relationship or push anyone into marrying you. I don't think we should raise our kids based on ideas of the way things should be, but based on the way things actually are. Life is not always nice or fair. Some people place more value on looks than character or accomplishments. Youth is valued by some people. I want my kids to be prepared to live in this world as adults. To be able to cope with the realities of our society, even if the truths are harsh. If this truth causes them to rush into a marriage that wasn't meant to be, then that is their path to walk in life. I married very young, and even if my husband left me tomorrow after 21 years, I would not change that. I have three wonderful kids. I love being a mom. I would rather be a single mom than an older single woman without kids. If being a mother is important to a woman, these are things she should consider.

 

I am not sure what you mean about me repeatedly posting about gender equality and 50/50 financial contribution. Me? I actually prefer a man to be dominant and I have said that. I did post once about finances, just to say that my husband and I deposit our checks into a joint account and share our money. So I am confused by your statement.

 

As for your question, I think women with older men are with them for various reasons. Some it may be money, some may have daddy issues, some may genuinely love the guy. I don't believe it is always about money because there are young women with older deadbeats. Older men are smoother, they have more experience with women. Some women will find that more attractive than a younger guy that hasn't figured all that out yet.

 

I think that many men are attracted to youth and beauty, over the course of their entire lifetime, regardless of their own age. I don't think the fact that some women date older rich guys matters much to the woman that feels devalued at age 35!

 

I don't think the pool of available partners shrinks equally for both. I think women do have a tougher time. If you are 35 and your clock is ticking, but the men your age have already coupled up or are targeting 25 year olds, what do you do? Settle for the wrong man so that you can have babies? Keep waiting and hoping you find someone? I don't think young men are that worried about old guys taking all their women, because in their minds, they will eventually be a successful older man that has those options, as well. You can work to make yourself successful and possibly rich. We can't change aging. We can take care of ourselves, make the best of it and even get nipped and tucked. But even still, they are only going to get older, further limiting their options. I don't think it is equal at all.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am pretty sure this board is full of single ladies who deserve each and ever grain of pity you think you deserve. I for one have been trying my best to get in relationship and have successful failed each and every time, however I don't find the need to complain but try to figure out ways to improve myself. So no you don't need pity one bit.

 

SmileFace, from what I remember you are 21. At that age you have all the time in the world. At 21, dating wasn't even on my radar (I was too busy and obsessive about getting the perfect marks). So yeah, I am not surprised you are not starting self-pitying threads.

[LittlePrince]

Self-improvement is all men talk about. It is the most attractive quality they find in a woman.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Self-improvement is all men talk about. It is the most attractive quality they find in a woman.

 

Are you being sarcastic?

[verhrzn]

I just think you should be realistic. It's not good to rush into any relationship or push anyone into marrying you. I don't think we should raise our kids based on ideas of the way things should be, but based on the way things actually are. Life is not always nice or fair. Some people place more value on looks than character or accomplishments. Youth is valued by some people. I want my kids to be prepared to live in this world as adults. To be able to cope with the realities of our society, even if the truths are harsh. If this truth causes them to rush into a marriage that wasn't meant to be, then that is their path to walk in life. I married very young, and even if my husband left me tomorrow after 21 years, I would not change that. I have three wonderful kids. I love being a mom. I would rather be a single mom than an older single woman without kids. If being a mother is important to a woman, these are things she should consider.

 

So for us older women who just missed out because guys never wanted us, would you suggest single motherhood?

[LittlePrince]

So for us older women who just missed out because guys never wanted us, would you suggest single motherhood?

Yes or a cadre of cats.

[LittlePrince]

Are you being sarcastic?

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

[verhrzn]

Iris, maybe that is the solution. Forget dating and just have kids on our own. I mean, I repulse guys anyway... not like being a single mother could hurt my chances anymore. I'm just always concerned about raising them on a single income.

[Quiet Storm]

So for us older women who just missed out because guys never wanted us, would you suggest single motherhood?

 

It's up to that particular woman and her circumstances. For me, being a mother gives me more personal fulfillment than my job or other accomplishments. That may not be true for all women, but I do know that many women dream of being a wife and a mother. I don't think you should have to give up the mother part of your dream if you aren't a wife. If you have the time, resources and love to give, then I say go for it.

[Anela]

Yes or a cadre of cats.

 

Infinitely preferable to dealing with douches.

[mesmerized]

It's up to that particular woman and her circumstances. For me, being a mother gives me more personal fulfillment than my job or other accomplishments. That may not be true for all women, but I do know that many women dream of being a wife and a mother. I don't think you should have to give up the mother part of your dream if you aren't a wife. If you have the time, resources and love to give, then I say go for it.

 

After reading all the cheating stories in the other forum, last thing I "dream of" is being a wife. Well, I never dreamed of being a wife before reading that either anyway. But it's mind blowing how many people are cheating or are in fake or miserable marriages. I would definitely prefer to be single than rush to be in one of those.

[LittlePrince]

Infinitely preferable to dealing with douches.

Douches keep you clean while cats seem to be clean animals but actually make your place messier. Douches are preferable. Just remember to do the front and back door.

[mesmerized]

Also, I agree that women (or men for that matter) should be parents even without a partner if they really want to and are financially and mentally ready for it. You can't give up on your big dreams just because your opposite sex doesn't value you.

[LittlePrince]

I don't think you should have to give up the mother part of your dream if you aren't a wife. If you have the time, resources and love to give, then I say go for it.

What about men who want to be fathers? Should they give up their dream of having a child because they aren't husbands?

[mesmerized]

What about men who want to be fathers? Should they give up their dream of having a child because they aren't husbands?

 

They too can always adopt a child or get a surrogate mother.

[Anela]

Douches keep you clean while cats seem to be clean animals but actually make your place messier. Douches are preferable. Just remember to do the front and back door.

 

Aren't you a charmer? You know full well that I meant the male, supposedly-human variety. Cats are definitely better company. Dogs, turtles, birds...

[LittlePrince]

Aren't you a charmer? You know full well that I meant the male, supposedly-human variety. Cats are definitely better company. Dogs, turtles, birds...

Animals can't love you.

[LittlePrince]

They too can always adopt a child or get a surrogate mother.

An adopted child is not really yours and a surrogate mother will wield greater rights over the child than the father to the point of nullifying the rights he should have.

[Feelsgoodman]

I definitely can't relate to the men on LS who can't get dates because I never see this. I see women throwing themselves at the few available men, and these aren't quality guys. Every man I know is doing incredibly well.

Your logic is flawed. You are assuming that because guys who are losers have no problem attracting women, guys who are not losers are doing even better. This is often not the case. Many women are drawn to losers like flies to honey (on second though, like fliest to sh*t would be a better analogy).

 

I know a guy who used to be a stereotype of middle class respectability: good education, solid job as an accountant, drove a nice car, had a nice house, etc. He also couldn't get a woman to date him if his life depended on it. A coupe of years ago, he suffered a kind of a breakdown and figured his whole life was a sham. At first he became very religious but gave up on that rather quickly. Afterwards, he essentially became a middle aged bum, started playing guitar and smoking a lot of pot, worked part time low stress jobs and moved into his parents' basement. Funny thing is, his appeal to women increased exponentially. Before, he would complain about being friend-zoned by some dumpy/overweight chick that he wanted to be in a relationship with. Nowadays, he seems to have an endless stream of cute girls vying for his attention. It's weird...being a loser seems to be the ultimate aphrodisiac for women.

[mesmerized]

An adopted child is not really yours and a surrogate mother will wield greater rights over the child than the father to the point of nullifying the rights he should have.

 

And how do you know that? I've heard of men doing it. I'm pretty sure you can enter some kind of contracts with the mother where the child be legally yours after.

 

In any case, this is RARELY an issue for men. They are rarely worried about their age and there is no lack of women wanting to have kids with them. I've never seen a man posting a thread about his dream to be a father and how he can't find a woman for it and how he is extremely worried about it.

[udolipixie]

Your logic is flawed. You are assuming that because guys who are losers have no problem attracting women, guys who are not losers are doing even better. This is often not the case. Many women are drawn to losers like flies to honey (on second though, like fliest to sh*t would be a better analogy).

 

I know a guy who used to be a stereotype of middle class respectability: good education, solid job as an accountant, drove a nice car, had a nice house, etc. He also couldn't get a woman to date him if his life depended on it. A coupe of years ago, he suffered a kind of a breakdown and figured his whole life was a sham. At first he became very religious but gave up on that rather quickly. Afterwards, he essentially became a middle aged bum, started playing guitar and smoking a lot of pot, worked part time low stress jobs and moved into his parents' basement. Funny thing is, his appeal to women increased exponentially. Before, he would complain about being friend-zoned by some dumpy/overweight chick that he wanted to be in a relationship with. Nowadays, he seems to have an endless stream of cute girls vying for his attention. It's weird...being a loser seems to be the ultimate aphrodisiac for women.

 

Being a 'loser' seems to be an aphrodisiac for some gals and for some gals it's not. A musician appeals to some gals, pot doesn't seem to be an issue for many gals, and some gals don't care about job status or living situation.

 

What you listed were his job, education, and material possessions (house, car) not a bit on if he was attractive, interesting, fun to be around, or sexually compatible to the gals he pursued. It's quite interesting how guys often expect job, car, house = gal rather than if the gal finds you attractive, interesting, fun to be around, and sexually compatible. I highly doubt he couldn't get a gal seems it was more likely that he couldn't get a gal who fit his preferences or gals he figured he should be able to get easily as they didn't fit his preferences.

[AD1980]

lol this thread is hillarious and foreign to me

 

I havent had a date in my 31 years of existence i really must be a piece of garbage low quality male

[LittlePrince]

Women like this have their blinders on. They only see the men most desirable to women. Then they use them to generalize what men are like when most men are actually desperate and lonely. Haven't you noticed how many men of good and average build end up with women who are dumpy knowing how physically superficial men are? Very seldom do you ever see women settle this much and all of these men aren't chubby chasers. I've even seen on multiple occasions white and lighter women who will go black just so they can avoid settling.