verhrzn Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Her last boyfriend was a womanizer who slept with every female in her social circle except for the ones who were in relationships. Despite this, Verhrzn doesn't understand why she got dumped eventually for someone hotter. People complain and complain and complain and they so often manage to leave out the most interesting details in their stories. Yes, and that has occurred to me over and over again; either I unknowingly date womanizers (I am new to the social circle and was unaware of his history), or I turn them INTO womanizers. But it's like Iris said in the very beginning of this thread... womanizers are the only guys left. No matter how much of a "loser" a guy is, he can sleep with whoever he wants. When your only options ARE womanizers, what then? Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Why do you encourage delusion? Why does everyone insist I bury my head in the sand about my actual problem (I'm ugly with an average personality) and somehow magically convince myself I'm the opposite of what I actually am? The fact that you believe that thinking at least positively about yourself is delusional is quite disturbing. At least come to some kind of self-acceptance that doesn't include you painting yourself as ugly with no hope. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Actually I didn't think of him either way. I dated him because I thought he liked me. That's really my basest requirement. I don't understand why you're so hung up on being dumped by womanizer and conclude that it must have something to do with your looks. Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller. I'm sure Marilyn Monroe was also not the only woman in JFK's life. And I guess, there are plenty of other examples where really beautiful women got cheated on and replaced by some other woman. It's the way these guys are. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 For what it's worth V, I also think that you are pretty Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 The fact that you believe that thinking at least positively about yourself is delusional is quite disturbing. At least come to some kind of self-acceptance that doesn't include you painting yourself as ugly with no hope. Why not, painting myself as ugly with no hope WOULD be self-acceptance. I'd love to be able to do that... just accept a life with no love. I intellectually can, but emotionally, I can't force myself to. I don't understand why you're so hung up on being dumped by womanizer and conclude that it must have something to do with your looks. Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller. I'm sure Marilyn Monroe was also not the only woman in JFK's life. And I guess, there are plenty of other examples where really beautiful women got cheated on and replaced by some other woman. It's the way these guys are. I don't conclude... they tell me outright. And yeah, they'll continue to cheat, until of course that PERFECT woman comes along that melts their heart and makes them give up their player ways. And I am never that perfect woman, therefore, will constantly be cheated on and dumped for someone hotter. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Guys, it's not easy being a woman Sure it is all. All you have to do is use your head. But I guess that's why it's not easy being a woman. *Yes I'm trolling* Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Sure it is all. All you have to do is use your head. But I guess that's why it's not easy being a woman. *Yes I'm trolling* *SLAPS* somedude 1 Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Sure it is all. All you have to do is use your head. But I guess that's why it's not easy being a woman. I so badly want to reach through the screen and slap you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 God, I swear, you and SD would be perfect for each other. You both make thread after thread about the very same topics and then refuse to open yourself up to any opinions and advice offered you that does not already coincide with your own ingrained mindsets. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Yes, and that has occurred to me over and over again; either I unknowingly date womanizers (I am new to the social circle and was unaware of his history), or I turn them INTO womanizers. But it's like Iris said in the very beginning of this thread... womanizers are the only guys left. No matter how much of a "loser" a guy is, he can sleep with whoever he wants. When your only options ARE womanizers, what then? I don't care where you live and I don't care knowing, unless you live in the desert or the arctic, there are dateable men around you. I always thought your stories of the abusive guys you meet in bars and in the street were kind of fishy.That's so not normal behavior. You seem to like *******s. Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 I don't conclude... they tell me outright. And yeah, they'll continue to cheat, until of course that PERFECT woman comes along that melts their heart and makes them give up their player ways. And I am never that perfect woman, therefore, will constantly be cheated on and dumped for someone hotter. And Sienna Miller and Marilyn Monroe that I mentioned as an example are what? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 God, I swear, you and SD would be perfect for each other. You both make thread after thread about the very same topics and then refuse to open yourself up to any opinions and advice offered you that does not already coincide with your own ingrained mindsets. Will you PLEASE stop freaking encouraging this? Guys like SD are EXACTLY my problems... single men who will only date me out of desperation til they get some confidence up, and then immediately dump me for a hotter chick! Why do you encourage this idea?? Especially given his insane physical requirements... as if I don't feel ugly enough as it is! I don't care where you live and I don't care knowing, unless you live in the desert or the arctic, there are dateable men around you. I always thought your stories of the abusive guys you meet in bars and in the street were kind of fishy.That's so not normal behavior. You seem to like *******s. I already addressed this... I could be in a city filled with nothing BUT single men, but if none of them want to date me, it doesn't matter how many of them there are. And news flash, no guy wants to date me, except out of desperation or to play me. I don't like jerks. But they are the only guys even vaguely interested in me. You take what you can get, beggars can't be choosers, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Will you PLEASE stop freaking encouraging this? Guys like SD are EXACTLY my problems... single men who will only date me out of desperation til they get some confidence up, and then immediately dump me for a hotter chick! Why do you encourage this idea?? Especially given his insane physical requirements... as if I don't feel ugly enough as it is! Ummm, V, I wasn't encouraging it. I was expressing my frustration at both of you doing the exact same thing in two simultaneous threads while, ironically, each being one of the participants that was trying to convince the other in the other person's threads. Please don't take that seriously, it was an expression of frustration, nothing more. I get frustrated too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iris219 Posted May 7, 2012 Author Share Posted May 7, 2012 I don't care where you live and I don't care knowing, unless you live in the desert or the arctic, there are dateable men around you. I always thought your stories of the abusive guys you meet in bars and in the street were kind of fishy.That's so not normal behavior. You seem to like *******s. Where are these dateable men? Why can't I (or my single female friends) find dateable men?? Why do none of my friends know any single men? The people I know always apologize that there's no one they can set me up with. I don't understand why people refuse to believe that after a certain age men are either taken, not looking for a relationship, or have so much wrong with them they could never maintain a relationship. FTR, I actually have more luck finding men to date than my single friends, and that's clearly not saying much. I've met ONE single man this year and I dated him. I'm hoping the summer brings visitors to my area. Link to post Share on other sites
Nistan Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 So, there are these people that believe that we live in some sort of dating caste system and they are at the bottom of the totempole. And there are people that are angry that this caste system doesn't exist or arent enforced strong enough. And this is a big problem because it disturbs the natural order of things. ...I don't know which group I am more disturbed with. Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 I already addressed this... I could be in a city filled with nothing BUT single men, but if none of them want to date me, it doesn't matter how many of them there are. And news flash, no guy wants to date me, except out of desperation or to play me. I don't like jerks. But they are the only guys even vaguely interested in me. You take what you can get, beggars can't be choosers, etc. And I've started to become convinced now that you seek out womanizers and players. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 In my department at work, there are plenty of single women. Not one, I mean not ONE man that is not married. None of us have been able to find a solid relationship during the 5 years I have worked there. We are all 28+. Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Where are these dateable men? Why can't I (or my single female friends) find dateable men?? Why do none of my friends know any single men? The people I know always apologize that there's no one they can set me up with. I don't understand why people refuse to believe that after a certain age men are either taken, not looking for a relationship, or have so much wrong with them they could never maintain a relationship. FTR, I actually have more luck finding men to date than my single friends, and that's clearly not saying much. I've met ONE single man this year and I dated him. I'm hoping the summer brings visitors to my area. I don't know how old you are, but Verhrzn is mid-twenties. If she says there are no dateable men around, she's doing something wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 And I've started to become convinced now that you seek out womanizers and players. Yes, the nerdy overweight guy just REEKS of being a player. Gimme a break. What do you want me to say? I've already said flat out, that IF good guys exist, then they're doing a combo of 1) hiding 2) not interested in me. And why would they be? I'm short and ugly, with an average personality. Maybe "womanizers" are all I can get. What then? I turn 27 in June, so I'm creeping into the late twenties. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 You know, V, this thread has pretty much gone: V: I'm ugly with an average personality so I'll be foreveralone 10+ posters (I counted!!): V, you're NOT UGLY, you need to work on ________ V: ___________. I'm ugly with an average personality so I'll be foreveralone. What are you hoping to accomplish by this? If you care enough about listening to forum members' perspectives and obtaining feedback, to post here regularly about your problems, then listen to them. If you think the opinions of anonymous strangers are completely invalid and to be dismissed (which is the impression I'm getting here), why are you even posting? I don't know about men you've been in Rs with, V, but this is wearing on me really fast, and I swear patience is a virtue that I don't usually struggle with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 Foreveralone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 And why would they be? I'm short and ugly, with an average personality. Maybe "womanizers" are all I can get. What then? Work on your personality....more specifically, your self image. Because your sure as shinola aren't ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 And Sienna Miller and Marilyn Monroe that I mentioned as an example are what? Brilliant post. I'll also add Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock etc. It's impossible for a woman to be 'uncheatable on.' What matters is the type of man they choose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 It's difficult to find a man between the ages of 18-25 (like your mother said) because, like you mentioned, a) we don't know what we're doing and b) at that age all the decent men aren't looking for young/stupid wives. Decent, marriable men want strong and smart women who understand how to be women. I would say 80% of women in this age group don't fall in this category. I don't think its that hard. I met my husband when I was fifteen, he was seventeen. We got married when I was 20. He may not have had a high paying salary, but he was decent and marriable. We got our education, settled into our careers, matured and grew together, all while we were already married. We may have been young and dumb, but you don't have to be alone to mature and learn. You can do that together, as a couple. If women are not ready to settle down and want to focus on their education and career, that is their choice. However, the consequence of that choice may mean less men to choose from. I think the parenting trend in the eighties that mainly focused on building self esteem caused some women to have unrealistic expectations. My own parents and the parents of my friends made it seem like a big line of available men would be just waiting for us to get properly educated and settled in our careers, so that they could come and pick us. Youth and beauty is usually what makes men notice us. It is not all they care about, but it is the initial attraction. It is often what prompts them to get to know us further. When they love our personality as well, many will often want to commit. This bond can hold strong for a lifetime, with the initial attraction being physical and the continuing relationship based on companionship, compatibility, shared history, etc. I will tell my daughter both sides of the coin. Marrying young has its disadvantages and is not the best plan for everyone. But waiting has disadvantages, too. There are no guarantees. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 7, 2012 Share Posted May 7, 2012 I don't think its that hard. I met my husband when I was fifteen, he was seventeen. We got married when I was 20. He may not have had a high paying salary, but he was decent and marriable. We got our education, settled into our careers, matured and grew together, all while we were already married. We may have been young and dumb, but you don't have to be alone to mature and learn. You can do that together, as a couple. My story is very similar. But I felt compelled to marry this man at that age. I didn't feel compelled to get married (I knew it was an odd thing to do so young). I felt compelled to be with him. If you lived your 20s and didn't feel it, then you didn't feel it. You can't force it. Link to post Share on other sites
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