Woggle Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Midwest. Some of my friends aren't married yet, but all the girls are engaged. I do know a couple of guys who are already divorced that are my age (27.) Come to think of it, I see a LOT of divorced guys on Match. You should look elsewhere. Where I am from most people marry late 20s and early 30s.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Yes iris, I find myself wishing to rewind back time. My mother was actually telling me from 18-25 that NOW is the time to find a good man, that they will all be taken later. I didn't listen and found her mostly annoying. I am also OK with settling. I recently lived with someone with whom I was settling with on some level. If it wasn't for his major issues and glaring incompatibilities, I would have happily married him. A guy still has to be reasonable and decent option though, even for settling (no unemployed pot smokers please). 1
FrustratedStandards Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Yes iris, I find myself wishing to rewind back time. My mother was actually telling me from 18-25 that NOW is the time to find a good man, that they will all be taken later. I didn't listen and found her mostly annoying. I am also OK with settling. I recently lived with someone with whom I was settling with on some level. If it wasn't for his major issues and glaring incompatibilities, I would have happily married him. A guy still has to be reasonable and decent option though, even for settling (no unemployed pot smokers please). It's difficult to find a man between the ages of 18-25 (like your mother said) because, like you mentioned, a) we don't know what we're doing and b) at that age all the decent men aren't looking for young/stupid wives. Decent, marriable men want strong and smart women who understand how to be women. I would say 80% of women in this age group don't fall in this category. I mean, I was 18 when I lost my virginity for goodness sake and 21 when I had my FIRST serious relationship. I knew absolutely nothing about men or relationships, and I doubt anyone would have wanted someone like me to MARRY, not back then.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 BTW, a friend of a friend, a 35 year old attractive (THIN) girl who is still single - is doing IVF treatments and freezing her eggs. This is depressing to me beyond belief
FrustratedStandards Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 BTW, a friend of a friend, a 35 year old attractive (THIN) girl who is still single - is doing IVF treatments and freezing her eggs. This is depressing to me beyond belief Is it because she can't find a man to be with? Or because she wants to have kids eventually but not right now?
verhrzn Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 BTW, a friend of a friend, a 35 year old attractive (THIN) girl who is still single - is doing IVF treatments and freezing her eggs. This is depressing to me beyond belief I've been laying out my plan: by 32 I'll buy a house (I should have some savings for a decent down payment by then; I've been putting off buying a house since it is such a huge financial and geographical commitment), and by 36, take myself down to the sperm bank and have some kids. If I have to miss out on a romantic relationship, at least I can have a family and SOME of the things I want.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I've thought about being a single mom, too, but I would really rather prefer not to breed unless there's a strong father figure in the picture. I have awesome gay male friends who would be the best uncles ever - but I think they need a great dad who's always there for them.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Is it because she can't find a man to be with? Or because she wants to have kids eventually but not right now? It's because she can't find a man. She has a great career and very assertive personality. She is on every dating site and regularly goes to singles events. She has recently payed $6000 to a matchmaking agency. She finds short term relationships (few months at most) and men all leave her and it's usually "to date others and see what's out there".
PlumPrincess Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Except womanizers and losers are all that exist for girls like me. Sure, if you're an amazing hot woman who went to Harvard and is pulling down a six figure salary, you don't have to wade around in junk, you can get the man you want. But if you're ugly, with an average personality, the bottom of the barrel is all you're gonna get. Again, please explain how I am supposed to simultaneously catch a "better man" AND "lower my standards" because they're too high. Aren't you a bit too smart to think you can convince anybody with your post? Womanizers are men that a lot of women want and usually it's not because they think these guys are great boyfriend material. Losers are men that very few women want. You didn't date your ex, because you thought he was a loswer and you couldn't get anything better. You dated him, because you thought he was the prize.
verhrzn Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I've thought about being a single mom, too, but I would really rather prefer not to breed unless there's a strong father figure in the picture. I have awesome gay male friends who would be the best uncles ever - but I think they need a great dad who's always there for them. Yeah it isn't my preference either. But I really, really hate the idea that I lose out on my dreams (and yes, having kids and a family IS my primary dream, since my career ones are never gonna happen) JUST because I'm not attractive enough for men. Aren't you a bit too smart to think you can convince anybody with your post? Womanizers are men that a lot of women want and usually it's not because they think these guys are great boyfriend material. Losers are men that very few women want. You didn't date your ex, because you thought he was a loswer and you couldn't get anything better. You dated him, because you thought he was the prize. Actually I didn't think of him either way. I dated him because I thought he liked me. That's really my basest requirement.
Woggle Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Why don't some of you actively go and look for what you want? Chances are the guys who would make good long term potential are not the types that go out and there and advertise themselves to the world. Also go in giving men a chance and don't expect the worst from them. If you expect most men to be as bad as you say that is what you will attract.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I've been laying out my plan: by 32 I'll buy a house (I should have some savings for a decent down payment by then; I've been putting off buying a house since it is such a huge financial and geographical commitment), and by 36, take myself down to the sperm bank and have some kids. If I have to miss out on a romantic relationship, at least I can have a family and SOME of the things I want. I go back and forth on this. Few years ago, I was sure that I wanted to go to a sperm bank at 35 (if I am still single) and do it. Now that it's fast approaching, I am not so sure. Being a single mother is damn hard work. I still haven't decided for sure but mostly have an attitude of acceptance "yep, I missed the boat, but what can you do, there are other things in life". Incidentally, I bought a house at 32
ptp Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Oh boy, lots of self loathing in these last couple of pages.
verhrzn Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Why don't some of you actively go and look for what you want? Chances are the guys who would make good long term potential are not the types that go out and there and advertise themselves to the world. Actively look where? I volunteer (museum, food kitchen), I go to bookstores and coffee houses, I stay away from bars, I have tried all of the major matching sites (EHarmony, OKCupid and Match for at least 6 months each.) What, do I have to break into guys' living rooms to meet them??
ThaWholigan Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Oh boy, lots of self loathing in these last couple of pages. Yes indeed. Reminds me of when I was kicked out of Uni . I really went into a depressive state. Ironically, it's at that time I came closest to having any kind of intimacy from a girl.
Woggle Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Actively look where? I volunteer (museum, food kitchen), I go to bookstores and coffee houses, I stay away from bars, I have tried all of the major matching sites (EHarmony, OKCupid and Match for at least 6 months each.) What, do I have to break into guys' living rooms to meet them?? Just go and talk to them. Don't be above approaching them.
ThaWholigan Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Actively look where? I volunteer (museum, food kitchen), I go to bookstores and coffee houses, I stay away from bars, I have tried all of the major matching sites (EHarmony, OKCupid and Match for at least 6 months each.) What, do I have to break into guys' living rooms to meet them?? Try POF, it might surprise you
Els Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I'm never sure what you mean by "personal choice"... I don't really choose my friends or boyfriends. Anyone who is interested in me, I am interested in them. Any guy who shows even the vaguest interest, I pursue. Is this not a choice? What do you think this says about you? I would personally not be interested in a guy whose perpetual mindset is, "I'm so ugly, I'll never get girls, so I'll just take any girl who shows even the vaguest interest in me... which happens to be you!" What would you think of such a guy? Any person who seems friendly with me, I try to build a friendship with. Yes, but you choose which communities you participate in and who you spend more of your time with, no? So how is it possible I'm "choosing" the wrong types, when I do not reject anyone? Isn't it more accurate to say, the "right" types just don't like me? (Because I am ugly with an average personality, as previously stated.) Why could it be luck in Iris' case but not in mine? Look, how about an experiment. Work on the negativity and low self-esteem that everyone is practically begging you to. If you do that (and genuinely do it, not just 'pretend'), for a significant period of time (say, a year) and have no increased success, it's possibly luck. As for now, the diagnosis is blatantly obvious.
verhrzn Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Just go and talk to them. Don't be above approaching them. .... Do I really have to link to the DOZENS of threads of mine in which I talk about how I approach men all the damn time? About how I've pursued the majority of my boyfriends?
verhrzn Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Look, how about an experiment. Work on the negativity and low self-esteem that everyone is practically begging you to. If you do that (and genuinely do it, not just 'pretend'), for a significant period of time (say, a year) and have no increased success, it's possibly luck. As for now, the diagnosis is blatantly obvious. Why do you encourage delusion? Why does everyone insist I bury my head in the sand about my actual problem (I'm ugly with an average personality) and somehow magically convince myself I'm the opposite of what I actually am?
Els Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Why do you encourage delusion? Why does everyone insist I bury my head in the sand about my actual problem (I'm ugly with an average personality) and somehow magically convince myself I'm the opposite of what I actually am? It is not delusion that I am encouraging, but rather breaking out of delusion. 2
Anela Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Midwest. Some of my friends aren't married yet, but all the girls are engaged. I do know a couple of guys who are already divorced that are my age (27.) Come to think of it, I see a LOT of divorced guys on Match. Reminds me of the snippet of conversation I had with my dad last night. He was talking about the young guys in the oldies songs, singing about love when they didn't know anything about it, and then I added, "And later on, it's, 'You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille...'" On that map that somebody posted, my area was full of red blobs, big and small, indicating single women. Hardly any blue blobs in sight.
PlumPrincess Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I've repeatedly hypothesized that the problem lies with the men you interact with both by virtue of your low self-esteem and personal choice, including the men in your platonic social circle. So far, nothing you have said has disproved that. I would dare say that a single, non-superficial, commitment-oriented, all-around decent guy is slightly rare, but so is a single woman with a healthy outlook on herself, men, and relationships IMO. Do you feel you are one of the latter? Also, as for 'articles' and posters - those do not reflect reality, IMO. Especially on biased sources such as LS and women's mags. Articles are intended to be controversial to sell. I know plenty of women who met their spouse at an older age than you. Her last boyfriend was a womanizer who slept with every female in her social circle except for the ones who were in relationships. Despite this, Verhrzn doesn't understand why she got dumped eventually for someone hotter. People complain and complain and complain and they so often manage to leave out the most interesting details in their stories.
Heart Of A Lion Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 What is the ratio of men to woman in your town? I live in a city where woman out number men by 1.8/1. That's almost 2 women for every 1 man. Just wondering. Where is this city you speak of? PS: I like your avatar, I want to have it as art on my wall.
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