separating

[BLaw12]

My wife and I have been together for 8 and a half years, and we have two young children. We have been through some rocky times and some good times. I made a mistake about 2 years ago and messed around with another woman. After I admitted to her what had happened she wanted to leave. I then realized what I had done. I wasn't thinking about anybody but myself. I saw the hurt I caused in her eyes and it broke my heart. After a rough month or so we decided that we would try and put it past us and move on.

 

Things were up and down after that. I tried my hardest for the next two years to keep our family together. Im sure I could have done more, but the harder I tried the less she did. Which in turn made me try a little less each time

 

We decided to move in December. She had a new job, while it took me about a month to find one. Still up and down at this point. She started to get more distant and do less around the house, and with the kids. Up until about a month ago when she bacame non existent with helping at all. I continue to try, we fight every once in a while, but overall I keep my head up. Until about a week ago I was travelling for a night for my new job when I received a text that was not meant for me. Im not going to quote it but it said that I almost ran into someomeone, omg. I was not happy. She said it was nothing. She said that it was a guy that came into the store and said she was cute. Really didn't make sense to me. When I got home I asked her a few questions that were bugging me about that text, and we ended up fighting the night I got back. I told her that if she wanted me to leave then I would. She insisted that she did not.

 

That brings us up to 3 days ago, when she told me that she wanted to separate. I told her that I did not. After a lot of soul searching the past few days I have came to the conclusion that I will let her be, give her the space she has asked for. She wants to try a trial separation and live in the same house until we have the extra money for one of us to move out. The problem is that is going to take a while, possibly 3-6 months. I am struggling with trying not to bug her and get in her way, but its hard. Today she has done very little to help out around the house. I haven't really spoken to her much, only when necessary. I still don't want to lose her, I love her very much. Im trying to stay positive and when we do speak we are fairly nice to each other. I am holding on to a very slim chance that she still wants to be with me. I am looking toward the future praying that she changes her mind. Any thoughts?

Edited May 5, 2012 by BLaw12

[viktorious11]

my initial instinct is to put your foot down and tell her how u feel. Separating is a bad idea- take it from me. sure, it gives you guys space, but that means something is gonna have to fill that void for her- and in my case- sorry to be graphic- but her void was filled both figuratively and literally. I'm devastated. i wish i was able to rewind time- and fight for her before it was too late. my wifes heart is with another man/my family will forever be apart/and I've got no one to blame but myself. take a look at my post below yours to read more details- i could've saved it, but instead I gave her her space and she shut the door forever and ran for the hills. not a good feeling!!

[DesperateDad]

Don't separate if at all possible! I've done this and I don't know if I'll ever get my wife back. Please get into marriage counseling as soon as you can with a good counselor who values marriage and will help you to save your marriage and make it better than ever. Don't give up!

[BLaw12]

I agree separating is a very bad idea. I tried to work my way around that, but she is unresponsive, she has her mind made up. Like I said I am holding onto a very slim chance this will end with us back together.

 

I have already told her how I feel. I think putting my foot down and begging is just going to make things worse. Today I have given her all the space she could ask for. She looks sad, but if I give in and try to comfort her, then she has the control.

[DelUK]

Keep positive, keep keeping on. Time is on your side.

 

The only thing about separation is that if you do seperate for a time, she COULD miss you, she COULD reflect positively about you both. Its a huge gamble I know, one Im in the middle of myself. But it is possible that she will open her eyes to you again. I only have this hope myself, but who knows whats going to happen...

 

Good luck.

[BLaw12]

Right now I am in the middle of a 180. The first few days were not that bad, but today it is starting to take a toll on me. I am mostly doing it for me, with a very slim chance that it will help bring us back together. Any suggestions on how to make this easier?

[standtall]

She wants to try a trial separation and live in the same house until we have the extra money for one of us to move out. The problem is that is going to take a while, possibly 3-6 months.

 

This is just her bay of saying she wants to ease out of the marriage in what she views as a less painful way. It really means she wants to divorce you.

 

This part here

I received a text that was not meant for me. Im not going to quote it but it said that I almost ran into someomeone, omg. I was not happy. She said it was nothing. She said that it was a guy that came into the store and said she was cute. Really didn't make sense to me. When I got home I asked her a few questions that were bugging me about that text, and we ended up fighting the night I got back.

 

is a huge red flag and indicates that she is already moving/has moved on. I think you need to start finding out what she is up to.

[ZacThomas]

Keep up the high spirits and don't lose hope. You have done wrong in this relationship now all you need to do is to gain trust of you wife. I know it's a hard task but it is very necessary for your married life.