Why does my ex girlfriend try to make me jealous but does not want to commit to me?

[gearsofwar]

Hello forum

 

I just want a little clarity on my situation.

 

I split with my ex girlfriend almost 3 months ago who I was in a relationship with for 3 years. My long term goal from the off after sorting my life out, dealing with the initial heartache, improving my self worth etc. I came to the conclusion I actually do still want my ex girlfriend back.

 

I have since met my ex on a friendly basis, yet proceeded with 'moving on' with my life and have dated a couple other women which obviously proved great for my confidence and self esteem but kept this a from her so it wouldn't hurt her feelings or be deliberately in her face or bragging about it.

 

The other day I dated this other woman, who I met a couple weeks ago, we had a great time and has we've hung out quite a bit since, I value her friendship but I have denied her 'advances' a couple of times and feel she's after something more serious.

I do not want to commit to a relationship with her just to put myself in a situation where I'll turn out to be just on a rebound so I feel I may just have to be honest with her so I'm not messing her around.

 

However my ex girlfriend somehow found out I have been seeing this other woman and the morning after she rang me whilst I was at work (I stated that I was at work), she proceeded with a little small talk and came out with a 'Guess what?!? I went out drinking last night can't remember a thing and I woke up with a random guy in my bed'.

I never reacted to this as I know this was most likely an attempt to get me mad/jealous, although I'd be kidding myself to say it didn't hurt to hear, but I moved the conversation on, talked some more and we arranged to meet up again.

 

On meeting up with her, we had a great time, I picked up on the usual 'signals' we both display such as brushing up against each other more than accidentally when walking in the mall, trying to scare each other in the movie we decided to see, the imaginary food particle/hair/lint, poking fun at our mild insecurities to state a few which she responds well and it shows her interest, but when it comes to acting on this she states we are 'just friends' and if I don't accept that, she will cut all ties completely.

 

Sorry if these seems long winded but I just wanted to be thorough, but can anybody give me their thoughts on this and to what I should do?

 

Best wishes

 

Mike

Edited May 5, 2012 by gearsofwar
spelling errors

[Gulf-Delta]

You're her dream guy. She bangs other dudes, throws it in your face, and you want her anyway.

[cherries1]

Man, she's totally using you. You're the person she can go to movies, mall, cafeteria, etc. with but no strings attached and you don't even get the cake. Please try your hardest to get over this woman. Or get away from her, at least.

 

First, because you deserve better.

 

Second, because in the remote case that she ever would want you back, it won't happen like this. Go away from her, you're JUST her friend and right now it's clear she doesn't want you as a lover.

[gearsofwar]

Man, she's totally using you. You're the person she can go to movies, mall, cafeteria, etc. with but no strings attached and you don't even get the cake. Please try your hardest to get over this woman. Or get away from her, at least.

 

First, because you deserve better.

 

Second, because in the remote case that she ever would want you back, it won't happen like this. Go away from her, you're JUST her friend and right now it's clear she doesn't want you as a lover.

 

Thanks for your reply, I hear you loud and clear.

 

I think I should go down the route of 'no contact' with my ex again, I know your right in what you say, she thinks she can just have her cake and eat it and she'll just watch me slowly starve as I continue to go hungry.

 

It's going to have to be, either she wants me or she doesn't - not providing her with the best of both worlds.

 

If it isn't meant to be with my ex it will never happen, only time will tell, but I think in the mean time, I should continue to move on and let go and give this other lady a chance.

 

I can't be such an emotionally scarred person as it would probably reflect in my behaviour when socialising, so if someone else is still willing to snap my arm off despite how I'm feeling right now (not literally of course ) I must still be projecting myself as an suitable potential mate, all be it if it's just for something more casual.

Edited May 5, 2012 by gearsofwar