Lovebeliever Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday after being on a week and a half break for space. We had a good relationship and dated for almost 6 months, rarely were fighting, catered to each others needs but space and individual time was always a problem. He is a very independent person where as I am somewhat clingy but he knew that before we started dating and said he could handle it. I do not know if you know about Gemini's or believe in that stuff but he does and he is just like their description. He has a hard time connecting with his own emotions and prefers just to be happy so he does not have to deal with them. Which is why I made the effort to ask him how he was feeling or if he thought we should work on anything quite often but he always said he was happy and that we were good. He never communicated his feelings to me unless we were fighting and he was ready to leave. Which made it harder for me because I was always trying to figure out his feelings before hand so that we would not be in this situation. He would talk about getting married in the future and our future. He would say how we were a better and healthier couple than our friends. We had broken up once before because he got scared he would not be able to make me happy and came back a week later saying he wanted to work things out and fight for me. Which is what I wanted to hear because he usually tries to run away when anything gets too emotionally intense or tough. Like I fight for him to stay if we ever fight. I believed what he told me and we got back together. Now it is 3 months later and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me but he says he loves me. He said he just likes having his own space and doing what he wants to do when he wants to do it. But that he wants to be friends to see if we can be friends because he likes relationships that are more friendship based than romantic and then maybe we would get back together. But I think you can rekindle that friendship part while being together instead of just breaking up. Plus we had already been friends for like a year! This just made me super mad because it showed he had hope for us in the future but was not willing to work it out now. So I said no... and am trying not to contact him so he will miss me but I don't think he will come back I miss him and want to be with him but am trying to get over him :/
SilverLining Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 How old is this guy? He sounds like someone who does not know what he wants. This relationship just honestly sounds like a ton of drama. You have only been dating 6 months and he couldn't keep it together? It sounds as though he likes you but doesn't want to date someone now. And then here's the most insulting part - he wants to keep stringing you along JUST IN CASE he MIGHT want to get back together!!!! WTF? I have dated someone like this myself, the guy who always wants to be happy and can't deal with emotional situations or fights. It is NOT worth it. It's not worth wondering if every fight will be the one that breaks you two up. A good relationship does not do that to you, and a good guy will not take off every time there's some drama. A relationship that is right for you will not have 2 breakups in a 6 month period. I know you like this guy but you are in for a world of hurt. The best thing for you to do right now is to drop off of the face of the earth for this guy. You are better than someone's backup plan. You really should just live your life and focus on you, and let him miss you. Probably if or when he decides he wants you back, you will have already found someone else. 4
jennisfora Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 he wants to be friends, but not your boyfriend, sounds like he wants the benefits of companionship without the accountability/responsibility of a real relationship. basically, he doesnt want to be in a relationship, but likes having someone around. don't be an option. Opt out of the quasi relationship, they are nothing but pain, and emotional trauma. you are better off with him out of the picture entirely, than half in/half out. sorry you are going through this. *hugs* ps. astrology is a cop out in his case. this is an avoider type personality. it will never be his fault, and he will never be able to go through conflict without fleeing. you can't have a long term relationship with a person like this. relationships have ups and downs. it is part of life. 2
daisy088 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I too just was broken up with by a man who couldn't deal with conflict/difficult situations. He broke up with me out of nowhere after living together for a year and never having had a fight once (Im guessing both your and my exes did not communicate their true feelings so the break up seemed like out of nowhere?). One bump in the road, that was partially my fault, and he took off after years of knowing each other- has not initiated contact with me once since he broke up with me. Although it is SO painful and I totally get it: what I realized is, everyone (including you and I) deserve a partner who will stick with them through the hard times, who will trust them, and who will be supportive. If this "man" in incapable of staying strong and fighting for you- then you are better off without him. Imagine being married to someone and having children with them! If he can't face the realities of life, how would he fair in those situations?? This is a blessing in disguise. Still, Im sorry youre going through this. Go NC and try to focus on yourself. hugs
Author Lovebeliever Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 He is turning 22 soon. Yeah when we went on a break a week and a half ago before this break up he said he did not know what he wants but he still loves me. I mean he was the one to bring up marriage and kids and a future... I just do not know understand why he would ever say he wants to be friends again and then see if we can be friends and then maybe try dating again. It does not make sense to me. I mean we were friends for a year and than were best friends and then wanted to date and now we are nothing. What I thought I knew and believed about him seems like all lies now... I didn't text him or anything at all today so this is day 1 of NC and I know this is time for me to heal and move on but I just wish he would miss me and want to be with me. I know he is completely avoiding dealing with his emotions now and that they are probably buried, I just do not want them to come back to the surface and him realize he made a mistake when it is too late for me. He often said I deserve better and I know I do. But it is still hard just trying to forget our bond and our friendship. Why does finding love have to hurt?
Med Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Hang in there, gets better as time goes by. Try and concentrate on you now, go to a gym & work out, eat well, make your self busy to take things of your mind, connect with some good friends, buy your self some new clothes & shoes if needed "change your image maybe". Practice smiling even when your feeling down, till your smile becomes natural. Start new hobbies or rekindle long lost interests. Most important is stay NC. Hang in there.
Author Lovebeliever Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 Thank you SilverLining for pointing the thing out about the fighting. That is exactly how I felt. I held some feelings inside sometimes because I did not want to fight. This one time we were debating some serious topic which I cannot remember and I just stopped talking and he asked why and I said it was because I did not want to fight because I was scared he was going to leave if I made him too mad. Always trying to figure out his emotions or if something wrong was exhausting. Now during the days I feel happy but at night it is kind of lonely/sad and I worry about what he is doing, and other girls :/ Everything seems worse cause he was my best friend, and this is so much harder to do than just say out loud
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