Sugarkane Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 As you know after being abruptly and cruelly dumped makes me paranoid. But the new guy has been- -asking me to come over, doesn't want to take me out. Just "hang out at his place". - texting someone else in front of me - I swear he said he works 9-5 yet he worked today on the weekend.
CarrieT Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I'm not sure if I would snoop, but I doubt I would bother just going to his place to hang out... If you are really interested in him, wait until he can take you out and treat you properly. The texting in front of you is just rude; I would call him on it - it COULD be work related or something innocuous.
IfiKnewThen Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 i keep reading that you have to make a guy work for you to REALLY truly appreciate you. make him take you out or don't be available. don't show him your mad. like they say...act like a lady...think like a man. also check out this site. this really makes sense. and john grey who wrote the ground breaking book men are from mars women are from venus has this very same philosophy when it comes to dating and drawing in a man. when they work for you they appreciate you more. also, (1) dont complain to them or tell them your life story or (2) show them all your cards yet. when you want to speak to them...they say its not what you say but how you say it. (3) talk softly and sweet. please check out all these links. all i am saying is think more of yourself. have self respect and confidence. : ) good luck
xenomorph Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 As you know after being abruptly and cruelly dumped makes me paranoid. But the new guy has been- -asking me to come over, doesn't want to take me out. Just "hang out at his place". - texting someone else in front of me - I swear he said he works 9-5 yet he worked today on the weekend. As you should be, or rather, just more aware and cautious. It's your new and improved "********* radar" going off, and this has "he's just not that into you" written all over it. Any guy that says "hey let's hang out" he is actually saying: "Hey, i'm not interested in having a relationship with you, therefore I'm too lazy to bother to make plans, but i'll let you know when I'm available just in case you feel lonely and/or desperate enough for attention". And the texting? "I really don't care what it is you have to say to me, just get to the part where you'll sleep with me" Oh, and lying about "working on Saturday": If it isn't sex, he'll make any excuse. He's probably going out with someone else rather than "working". What horse*****! Ha! Forget this guy! Don't talk or go out with this guy again, and make yourself available for someone new who isn't a weasel. If he really wants you, you'll know it when you see your phone/email/text/social media/whatever blow up with his presence when you ignore him for weeks. If that happens, come back and let us know what he's been saying to you and we'll further assess his value. In the meantime, go out with other people. If that doesn't happen, then "he's just not that into you" and has moved on to easier girls. No loss on your part. There are real MEN out there. Don't waste your time with this boy.
geegirl Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 -asking me to come over, doesn't want to take me out. Just "hang out at his place". He's not looking to invest in you other than have his needs met when he wants it. A guy that's invested and interested in you on a deeper level, wants to know about you, spend time with you, enjoy your company, do fun things with you, etc. - texting someone else in front of me It's rude and inconsiderate. - I swear he said he works 9-5 yet he worked today on the weekend. Weekends mean staying over, doing what couples do together. He doesn't want to invest all that time in you. Or he's out having fun elsewhere. You know this. You don't even have to snoop.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 As you know after being abruptly and cruelly dumped makes me paranoid. But the new guy has been- -asking me to come over, doesn't want to take me out. Just "hang out at his place". - texting someone else in front of me - I swear he said he works 9-5 yet he worked today on the weekend. If you feel you have to snoop, he's not worth it. And his behavior is very telling.
Comfortably Numb Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 maybe, i am the exception to the rule. But i certainly have nothing to hide from someone. Especially if i care about them. They are a part of my world. Not just another pawn in the game. I hate to say this, but this sounds like something my player friends would do. Keep you hid in a secure location and hidden. In case you were out and accidentally ran into the other girls. Which, in fact did happen a few times. I grabbed the popcorn, and watched the show. 2
Author Sugarkane Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 maybe, i am the exception to the rule. But i certainly have nothing to hide from someone. Especially if i care about them. They are a part of my world. Not just another pawn in the game. I hate to say this, but this sounds like something my player friends would do. Keep you hid in a secure location and hidden. In case you were out and accidentally ran into the other girls. Which, in fact did happen a few times. I grabbed the popcorn, and watched the show. Your friend sound like major Aholes.
Author Sugarkane Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 I never like telling someone my life story. I don't get I thought men were supposed to like mystery? Yet if I don't tell someone my life story, I get dumped for being too quiet. Can't win no matter what. Can a man please explain this?
Author Sugarkane Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 i keep reading that you have to make a guy work for you to REALLY truly appreciate you. make him take you out or don't be available. don't show him your mad. like they say...act like a lady...think like a man. also check out this site. this really makes sense. and john grey who wrote the ground breaking book men are from mars women are from venus has this very same philosophy when it comes to dating and drawing in a man. when they work for you they appreciate you more. also, (1) dont complain to them or tell them your life story or (2) show them all your cards yet. when you want to speak to them...they say its not what you say but how you say it. (3) talk softly and sweet. please check out all these links. all i am saying is think more of yourself. have self respect and confidence. : ) good luck Thank you for these links. Matt is also pretty easy on the eye himself lol.
IfiKnewThen Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 youre welcome. yes he is easy on the eyes lol. thought the same : ) when i said dotn tell them your life story.....its true. you cant reveal too much too soon. it turns them off and they find flaws with it. it overwhelms them. and in the beginning...what you say can and will be used against you till the get the attraction going. mat offers great advise and john grey who wrote men and from mars women are from venus says the Exact same things as mat. anyways. good luck and go slowly with men, they actually LIKE that.
Author Sugarkane Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 He asked me to come over and I procrastinated. I suggested we go out and do sonething. But he cancelled and said he was ill.
IfiKnewThen Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 (edited) thats fine that he called and said he was ill. don't worry. its good for a few reasons. 1. you are NOlonger wasting your time and doing things on his terms. 2. if hes not into you , you will find out soon enough and again, stop wasting your time and be able to heal faster and be less in knee deep with him. 3. youre no longer giving yourself a way. 4. he will gain respect for you. but heres what i suggest. the next time he says hey do u want to come over....DONT say or suggest going out. just say.......i am sorry, thank you for asking me..but i have plans to do a project tonight. dont tell him what the project is!!!!! leave it to his imagination. and never say you're going out with a guy. like i said ..just that you have a project to do. be sweet....nice and hang up before he does. say..." oh ...gotta go. bye". dont act mad. this will get him thinking and you want him to think!!!!! you have to break the routine of both being there for him and complaining (even if legit) in anyway. so act nice...say i am busy with a project cant make it (period) and then go ....dont make small take. but be sweet with your good bye. say have a nice night or day or whatever. BYE! then wait a a few days to a week to see what happens. if he really cares or gets in touch with any caring feelings for u he will ask u out on a legitimate date. to go somewhere. but stop nagging him about it by bringing that point up. he already know that's what you want to do. so now make him do it by silence and sweetness and distance. you have to make him think...if you want to bring out his feelings for you. if he finds and you find that he has none that are respectful dump him. by total no contact. Edited May 9, 2012 by IfiKnewThen 1
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 As you know after being abruptly and cruelly dumped makes me paranoid. But the new guy has been- -asking me to come over, doesn't want to take me out. Just "hang out at his place". - texting someone else in front of me - I swear he said he works 9-5 yet he worked today on the weekend. I can honestly tell you it means you are not girlfriend material. It could go on for a while, but commitment, not happenin. I've done this before with chicks but have been brutally honest. Doesn't want to take you out because doesn't want to f up his chances with other chicks. Texting someone else in front of you? That's brutal. I think you know what's going on. I don't want to be blunt, but this is why buy the cow when you can, you know, get the milk for free. (Honestly, this is my assessment from the information given, but it doesn't necessarily mean this another gunman on the grassy knoll, don't be paranoid, be astute, you know this answer better than any of us)
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I never like telling someone my life story. I don't get I thought men were supposed to like mystery? Yet if I don't tell someone my life story, I get dumped for being too quiet. Can't win no matter what. Can a man please explain this? Sorry, but I think this is total BS. I like someone for who they are, period. Not all men, nor are all women, are the same. I say be yourself, don't follow any "dating guides", etc., just be yourself. Would you really want to be with someone who you couldn't be yourself around? I'm not saying don't play the game at all, as far as mystery, but if you're on a date, whatever, I say play it by ear. Really engaging conversation can often be a sign of genuine interest. I say go with the flow of it. In these days of Facebook (which I have never been a member of, or myspace) and texting, conversations can be so disengenuine and such a waste of time. To reiterate, do what you feel is cool (aside from acting like a twisted psycho) and all will be fine. What I mean by that is, don't change yourself to the mode of conversation, if the vibe is there, you'll know it as you've felt it before. After that, it is a risk worth taking.
StripeyShirt Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 He is not acting like a man who is interested in you. And so what if you are paranoid? No harm in being protective and cautious after a bad experience. If all that is on offer is a rude person to watch tv with while they text their buddies, - well, you can do this with a group of friends.
Author Sugarkane Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 He asked me to come over. I said as long as you don't text someone else right in front of me. Now he is acting dumb and blaming me.
hurt brkn Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 I was in the same boat, he is not worth it. I say get out of it before it's too late. 1
Author Sugarkane Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 He seems to have a pretty legit reason. Now I feel like a real idiot.
geegirl Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 (edited) Sugar, I think you're bargaining. Ask any guy and they will tell you that if they are interested in a girl, they make plans, outside of the bedroom. A man that only wants to spend time in the confines of his bedroom, has a specific set of needs. When I started dating my boyfriend, he would never look at his phone even if it rang or dinged. If he had to check it for work, he would tell me and excuse himself. He thought it rude. And if I checked my phone and was fiddling with it while he was there, he'd ask if I can put it away because he is respectful of that time with me. I still have the habit of picking it up when he is around but we laugh about it and it's all fine. There's no bargaining and dealing. It's respect and compromise. He asked you to come over but you suggested to do something. He then said he was ill. Seeing you was NOT ON HIS TERMS. You said you'd go over if he doesn't text, he acted dumb and blamed you. NOT ON HIS TERMS AGAIN. It really doesn't have to be this hard, infact it shouldn't be this hard. Edited May 10, 2012 by geegirl 1
shayla Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 He asked me to come over. I said as long as you don't text someone else right in front of me. Now he is acting dumb and blaming me. Now if this doesn't give you the urge to do the 50 yard dash, nothing will! This guy is trying to gaslight you already? Cut this dude off and now!!!
Author Sugarkane Posted May 10, 2012 Author Posted May 10, 2012 When we met he said we would do non sexual things. WTF happened
Author Sugarkane Posted May 12, 2012 Author Posted May 12, 2012 He asked me to come over- at midnight. I haven't been well plus making myself ill over trying to figure out what to do. This isn't what I signed up for.
marsha80 Posted May 12, 2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Good way to test the situation is to not give in. If he doesn't change his tune or loses interest, u have your answer.
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