Charles-cam Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 Hi everyone, I've never done this before, but am starting to feel very bummed about the situation with my girlfriend. We have been dating for seven months, she is currently 25 and I am currently 23. I think she is the most gorgeous thing in the world. We both study together on a pre-med course, in fact this is how we met. We spend Monday to Friday together in lectures and labs etc - it's a very small class so we spend a lot of our work time together. The course is incredibly stressful, and we are both working our socks off, with very limited finances. I sold my car as I live in the city, so whenever a car is needed she does the driving. We saw an awful lot of each other for he first 6 months of our relationship- we still do, but I don't stay round here anywhere near so much. The course is much closer to where she lives, and the fuel is costly, which is why she doesn't stay at mine much. Now, as for the relationship: I am incredibly attracted to her, and for the first time in my life feel cmetely bessoted. Everything about her is wonderful, she is smart and sexy and funny, and we get on like a house on fire. But from her, everything dry often seems quite cold. Unusually for me, I am very open with her, and very caring - I don't smother, but Im not annass either, I keep myself in shape, and try to do nice hints for her, compliment her etc. I have helped her wit her work a lot, even putting her work before mine when she broke down and said she couldn't do it. I have a good social life away from her, and get on brilliantly with her friend group- they all seem (I think) very fond of me. But my girl has no sex drive. When we first hooked up, it was great for about 1-2 weeks. Then boom. At least two weeks between sex, increasing to know sex once a month if lucky. She hasn't given me oral sex since that time two weeks in, and only let me give her oral sex once, when she was drunk at Christmas eve. She never initiates any form of intimate contact, and complains when try to be romantic or kiss her or make a move. I have to initiate everything from hand holdin to sex. I rarely get complimented (in fact I think never) , i always say inge you first, the reply to which sounds bored and completely not meant. Often when I try to talk about these things with her she just either ignores me andhanges the subject, or tells me to stop going on about it, that she doesn't know what to say or why it bothers me so much. She says she does love me, that we are just different and that I need to chill, but though she does some things that make me believe that, she never ever shows me physical affection - I feel like far more of an best friend than a boyfriend. I just don't understand, I've explained calmly how I feel, and that I feel it is not normal for our relationship, and if it's me. I've made myself fitter, more attractive, independent. She has made plans for me going well into next year, and says she does find me attractive. She just said she has no idea why she has no sex drive whatsoever and that I just have to be patient and so does she. I have been patient for months... I hate feeling like this in such a young relationship- what is wrong with me?!! Before we were dating she mentioned ex boyfriends, and jokingly with the group some pretty freaky things she had done with them - she won't even really touch me. We get into bed, she reads a book for ten mins, then light off, turns other way says night and goes to sleep. I feel ery very unloved. Ive tried talking about It but tsnlike a brIck wall. I know the affection stuff must be linked to the non existent sex drive, but at risk of sounding selfish, what about me? She never dresses up for me, or even wears nice pants. Never tries to be intimate, never even tells me she loves me of her own accord. I said she can always talk to me, and if she's not into to please just say because it's making me very unhappy - she said sorry she is so moody, but of course wants to be with me. For a normally confident, secure man, i now have zero self confidence as a result, which I fear is making me a pushover in the relationship, and always worrying that I sound like I'm moaning about it. On top of all this, her ex sent her a postcard of lyrics, she speaks fondly of him a lot, has a picture of him on the wall! But when I tell her It makes me uncomfortable, she says they are just very close friends and have been for years, and that it's not like that at all. They Skype regularly, and one of her most used mac safari pages is her messages with this guy ( which I hav NOT READ, despite feeling reasonable suspicion now). Btw, he is the other side of the world and they went to ink together. Also another ex bf, she says she completely dislikes, has spoken to her a bit. She said he called hr out of the blue, br actually, she gave him her number, and asked him to call her. This saw on a text, which she had left on the screen when I asked to borrow her phone ( I was right in front of her at the time and pretended I hadn't read it) she then lied about what the message said - so obviously didn't want me to hear it, and knew it was wrong. The log and short is, I feel unloved and insecure, and don't know what to do. We spend too much time together working and no quality time. She doesn't seem bothered about seeing me, but still says she does love me, is fine, that it won't be like this forever, and that she finds me attractive. It's getting to the point where seemingly false words are not enough. I have never been so in love, nor so utterly miserable. Please offer any advice that you can - what do I do?!?!
Professor X Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I'll make it quick: She's obviously still inlove with her ex'. She might say she loves you, but she's definitely doesn't show it in actions. What to do? Find a new girl.
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