RiverRunning Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 I lived with my ex-boyfriend and the proposal was a bit of an issue. Admittedly, I went back and forth about my feelings on that. I learned recently that he bought an engagement ring for me very shortly before our break-up. He was going to propose. At the time, though, I was getting VERY afraid that he never would, and that along with some other issues related to our break-up. There are two live-together camps, IMO. A guy who will totally drag his feet and NEVER marry: 1. Will behave selfishly in most arenas. Even if he has the money, he won't help pay your bills. He takes care of himself, you take care of you. My ex would offer to pay for my car repairs, take me places, etc. and never asked for anything in return. When he asked me to move in with him, he was serious. I came from a very verbally abusive household, and asking me to move in with him was an immediate solution to that. Neither of us were ready to get engaged and to plan a wedding at the time, so it worked for us. 2. Refuses to discuss marriage. If he's going to agree to a rough timeline, it's a good thing. 3. He still has goals to accomplish. I.e., he needs to get something better than a minimum wage job. He's still finishing a degree. 4. He's been divorced previously or he has a history of LONG relationships that never culminated in engagement. This is especially true if he lived with these women. The fact is, new stats now are saying that the majority of couples who live together for the first time WILL eventually marry. The only way you wind up being the one woman who lives with a guy for 5 years without an engagement is tolerating it. When I moved in with my ex, I decided that we would live together for about a year and only a year. Well, that deadline passed. I took off. I wasn't going to live with him for 2, 3, 5, 7 years. Unfortunately, women too often allow that to happen...and they waste valuable time. The sad thing is, I was considering trying to rekindle things with my ex long before I knew about the ring. Now that I know about the ring, I worry it looks...well...bad. But you can smell the guys who will never marry and the guys who will. It's very commonplace now, especially for younger guys, to see living together as a step TOWARD getting engaged and married, not necessarily the end of the road. The fact is, lots of guys still want to get married. It's not always a stalling tactic. In every couple I know, the couple eventually married...for some I think it even hastened the walk down the aisle. My cousin moved in with his girlfriend after 6 months and they were married around 3 1/2 years. 1
truthbetold Posted May 13, 2012 Posted May 13, 2012 OP I'm only going on your first part, but I think your thinking is just fine. I met and married my H within 6mos. We did not live together, he relocated to be with me. There was a 2 week period where he stayed with me until the marriage but that was it. And I refused sex before marriage! Now this wasn't bc of some prudish thing, quite the opposite. We're an older couple with grown kids but when I was dating, it seemed like that's all that guys wanted. After doing it that way to think I'd find love, I regrouped and made my own rules and if a man was onboard great. If not, I didn't give a flying fig. We're very happy going on 7 years. I wish everyone this kind of happy marriage.
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