samsungxoxo Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 Well I'm sure we all heard about many women moving in with their bfs and living together for years but no proposal, this has me thinking that the mistake is maybe the moving in together in the first place. That's the only aspect I'm old-fashioned. I do not believe in moving in unless the man is my fiance (though I don't want kids, I still want marriage someday: a childfree marriage) and there is a date set-on, not just talk nor maybe answers. So this has me wondered. Relately I've noticed too many women living together with a bf, no offense but to me doesn't really make sense. IMO a ''living together'' relationship is only a temporarily version of what it's like seeing them everyday but without any real commitment. If a potential bf ever asked me to move in with him, I will say no thanks right away. I don't really see moving in together with a bf as something serious and I also don't want to end up in the ''We've been living for 5 years and no proposal'' category. I'm I right in thinking this way?
TaraMaiden Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 you know - a lot of (later) married people don't live together, either.... it's not uncommon... where is it written anywhere you should live together...?
Woggle Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 How do you know what it is like living with them unless you try it first?
darkmoon Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 (edited) i agree with OP - see it's obvious what the living together set-up is, it's a non-marriage Edited May 5, 2012 by darkmoon
Leegh Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 It could be OK to live with a guy before marriage, but if you want marriage, it might be a good idea to put a time limit on living together, for example, six months or so. Sometimes when people live together for years, the desire to marry that person declines, as the relationship probably peaked in the early part of the relationship. I think it's better to be single, than to marry someone you're not totally sure you want to marry. Since you don't want children, it seems like there is no rush. Personally, I don't think marriage is that great, as it can be restrictive in many ways.
Author samsungxoxo Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 How do you know what it is like living with them unless you try it first?And how would I know I'm not getting string along and end up another one of those woman whose time was wasted for nothing? I'm not willing to take that risk.
Leegh Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 And how would I know I'm not getting string along and end up another one of those woman whose time was wasted for nothing? I'm not willing to take that risk. I don't necessarily agree that time is wasted in dating someone that you don't marry. I've had many good times with old boyfriends that I never married. Not everything revolves around marriage. But I agree that a marriage-minded woman should not date the same man for more than one or two years (with no agreement to marry) if she wants to marry him.
Author samsungxoxo Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 That will be my timeframe: 1-2 years. Anything more seems too much for me.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 you said potential boyfriend I think that's the problem. Couples think moving in a normal thing to do but they forgot to think of it as a transition, one syep higher up from dating. don't move in with a boyfriend who you've only dated for half year just because it saves you rent move in with a bf who you've been together long enough to know he's the one. otherwise you're better of mpving in with a same-sex roommate. at least when you do decide to move out it wouldn't be messy.
lovelydovey Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 you said potential boyfriend I think that's the problem. Couples think moving in a normal thing to do but they forgot to think of it as a transition, one syep higher up from dating. don't move in with a boyfriend who you've only dated for half year just because it saves you rent move in with a bf who you've been together long enough to know he's the one. otherwise you're better of mpving in with a same-sex roommate. at least when you do decide to move out it wouldn't be messy. I think it also depends on the couple and how committed to each other they are. I moved in with my boyfriend of 9 months (at the time) to a new city to save on rent, and commute expenses. We've been living together now for a couple of years and things have been going great. There's no rush to get married, and I'm ok with that because I like where things are. I don't need a piece of paper defining my happiness. Eventually we will get married, we've talked about it, but as young professionals it's just not in the near future plans. At least living together has prepared us for how to deal once we're married. To each their own! 1
Els Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 You should do whatever you want to do, obviously. Nobody is forcing you to do what others do. If you believe strongly in this, hold out for a man with similar views. They do exist.
TaraMaiden Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 That will be my timeframe: 1-2 years. Anything more seems too much for me. Did you see my post, above, about married couples living separately?
Radu Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 And how would I know I'm not getting string along and end up another one of those woman whose time was wasted for nothing? I'm not willing to take that risk. It's 'strung along' [ha, finally i can correct someone on their english]. Like everything else, living together is a test. If he would fail that test, would you prefer he failed it with a ring on your finger or without one ? PS: Isn't Peru a predominantly Catholic country ? LE: Personally for me it's 1yr of living together before setting up marriage. I see no point in popping the question if i don't know if we can survive living together.
threebyfate Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Another who doesn't believe in living together unless married but other people will have their own preferences, so there's no definitive way for everyone. My reasoning is different than most. Why give up personal freedoms unless you get married? Even when married, it's possible to live apart but that's a bit extreme, even for me.
Woggle Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Honestly why even have legal marriage? Just live together and when things go wrong you can just split up and go your seperate ways. If it weren't so important to my wife I would perfectly fine just shacking up with her. Luckily she was willing to sign the prenup I wanted but marriage is just a headache most of the time. If everything else is going well why do women care so much about a wedding?
threebyfate Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Honestly why even have legal marriage? Just live together and when things go wrong you can just split up and go your seperate ways. If it weren't so important to my wife I would perfectly fine just shacking up with her. Luckily she was willing to sign the prenup I wanted but marriage is just a headache most of the time. If everything else is going well why do women care so much about a wedding?If marriage isn't a big deal to men, why do some dislike or avoid it?
Woggle Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 If marriage isn't a big deal to men, why do some dislike or avoid it? Because if it goes wrong it can really mess up a man's life unless he gets the prenup he wants which I did.
threebyfate Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Because if it goes wrong it can really mess up a man's life unless he gets the prenup he wants which I did.Ah yes, the man's always the victim since the victim has the most power within the Karpman Triangle theory. The victim gets the most sympathy. As if divorce doesn't mess with women's heads and lives. So irrational.
Woggle Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Ah yes, the man's always the victim since the victim has the most power within the Karpman Triangle theory. The victim gets the most sympathy. As if divorce doesn't mess with women's heads and lives. So irrational. Since women initiate 75% of divorces and the courts are biased a man is taking a bigger risk.
threebyfate Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Since women initiate 75% of divorces and the courts are biased a man is taking a bigger risk.Yup, the victim. Or maybe it's because men prefer to let women do the paperwork, not caring about finality where it's more likely women want to cut the apron strings and move on in life? Spin away but as someone who's experience divorce due to infidelity on the part of the ex, I filed the initial papers since he wanted to remain married even though he cheated. It really revolts me that you throw that useless statistic at me like it means squat diddly do.
Woggle Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Yup, the victim. Or maybe it's because men prefer to let women do the paperwork, not caring about finality where it's more likely women want to cut the apron strings and move on in life? Spin away but as someone who's experience divorce due to infidelity on the part of the ex, I filed the initial papers since he wanted to remain married even though he cheated. It really revolts me that you throw that useless statistic at me like it means squat diddly do. It's the truth. Look up the statistics. It is right there.
threebyfate Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 It's the truth. Look up the statistics. It is right there.You've totally missed the point. The point is "why are women filing more divorces" of which I've given you two substantial reasons which is infidelity on the part of the man and men wanting to remain in marriages when they're benefiting more from the marriage than the woman. Marriage is a joint effort and if some men can't uphold their 50%, Sayonara Sunshine! Thank goodness I didn't marry a victim!
Woggle Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 You've totally missed the point. The point is "why are women filing more divorces" of which I've given you two substantial reasons which is infidelity on the part of the man and men wanting to remain in marriages when they're benefiting more from the marriage than the woman. Marriage is a joint effort and if some men can't uphold their 50%, Sayonara Sunshine! Thank goodness I didn't marry a victim! Are you familiar with the walkway wife epidemic? There are plenty of guys who have their wives walk out all of a sudden and they have no clue why.
Author samsungxoxo Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 Did you see my post, above, about married couples living separately? Oops I forgot. That's what happens when I type too fast. It's great to hear that there are still people that like me, don't believe in cohabition. It would be a miracle finding my male counterpart. I'm still waiting for him.
Author samsungxoxo Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 It's 'strung along' [ha, finally i can correct someone on their english].Thanks but should have known that. I feel like an idiot lol.:o:D Like everything else, living together is a test. If he would fail that test, would you prefer he failed it with a ring on your finger or without one?I'm willing to commit for life than keep on jumping from relationship to relationship like someone in their late teens to early 20's (I'm already 25). PS: Isn't Peru a predominantly Catholic country?.True but I'm an atheist while my father is agnostic. BTW did you read some of my other threads? That's my homecountry.
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