vroom Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I have got fairly practical answers from the members before and I thank them for it. If anybody wants to check my story its here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/323466-dont-want-practical The thing is I am about to move cities. She is a really sweet girl. She does not want to get back. We live in different cities 6 hrs apart. It's been 6 days of NC now. Just a couple of questions: 1. Since, I have a drinking problem, she calls me sometimes to check on me. Last she called Friday. I did not pick up the call and told her it's work problems. But she called again today and I did not pick it up. What do I do if she calls again. I have really broken her heart before (Ironically, now it's my heart which is broken). What do I do when she calls. I have the power not to pick the call but to tell her concern is making me have false hopes is just not in me anymore. 2. I got her some gifts and will be going to her city to give her stuff back. Is it ok if I send her some gifts? On that note since, she is not in any mood to meet me, I though I would give her stuff back t a friend of hers but the friend was so rude to me (a girl) that I am shuddering even to call her again. What's the point in fighting with her friends now? They don;t care anyway. Does it look appropriate if I leave her stuff with a friend of mine and ask that friend to call and pick it up? 3. Lastly, all this I am doing is fueling some kind of movie infested dream that we will overcome all this. She would want to come back. Is it OK to have this in the starting days of NC. Any response appreciated.
Author vroom Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 I am sorry for being pushy but this is the first time a real relationship is ending. If someone could give me some pointers I would be really appreciate. I am running out of lies for not responding when she calls.
rAFC Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 1. I would just tell her the truth, that staying in contact with her is not helping you move on with your life. Assure her that you will be fine but your problem is not her problem anymore. 2. I wouldn't send her any gifts. What is the point? She broke up with you! The only gift you should send her is the gift of missing you. Do whatever you need to do to get her things back to her and be done with it. If your friend doesn't mind holding the stuff for her, then it shouldn't be a problem. 3. Pretty much everyone has hopes of getting back together in the beginning. You probably couldn't stop this feeling right now even if you tried. Just go with it, but realize that it is highly unlikely and focusing on her coming back is only going to slow down your healing. Work on moving forward and accepting that it is over.
SilverLining Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 rAFC pretty much covered it. As to whether or not you would get back together...I didn't read your back story but you admit you have a drinking problem. Therefore you could not truly be yourself while you were with this girl. The best thing for you to do right now is take care of your issues, and leave her out of it in order to be kind to her. Don't give her gifts, send her an email telling her that you are taking time off to deal with your issues and ask her to not call you anymore regarding the drinking. Obviously she cares about you, but part of the calling is the guilt she feels. Right now, she feels sorry for you, and that's probably the least sexy thing ever. I tend to think that people who have substance abuse issues can sometimes get their exes back so long as the issues with the relationship stem from that. If you get back to a healthier you, you will have something to give to a relationship. As it stands right now, you do not.
Recommended Posts