SilverLining Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I've been traveling with a friend of mine, friendship turned into a relationship. He's not my type but he's been in love with me for awhile, so I thought I'd give it a chance. Turned out that I prefer us as friends, so I broke up with him. It was a tough decision but absolutely the right thing to do. Now we are in Japan, and he doesn't know anyone and I know just him and my coworkers. I have an apt and a good job, and he has a job and a place an hour and a half away. I've been ok with him coming over to hang out, since it's lonely in a country where you are alone, and I thought it would be ultimately better than NC. We've been friends for about 8 years before we tried dating. It's a holiday week and I said he could stay with me for it. I knew there would be some drama but it seems like it's always something. And I feel so much like the dude in this relationship. He's always making bitter comments about our relationship not working out, he is upset that I am 'too laid back'. I make plans to hang out with coworkers and he's upset about it. I want to have time on my own to get ready (I want to do girly stuff and this is a studio apt) and he gets upset. He is always upset about something and I feel like I always have to give some explanation. I'm stressed. Now he says that he's really unhappy in his job and he wants to quit in a couple months. If he quits, he is going to end up living here again because there's no way I'm going to let him be on the streets, and the only other option is for him to go back to the states, which he doesn't want to do just yet. I feel trapped. Help!
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I've been traveling with a friend of mine, friendship turned into a relationship. He's not my type but he's been in love with me for awhile, so I thought I'd give it a chance. Turned out that I prefer us as friends, so I broke up with him. It was a tough decision but absolutely the right thing to do. Now we are in Japan, and he doesn't know anyone and I know just him and my coworkers. I have an apt and a good job, and he has a job and a place an hour and a half away. I've been ok with him coming over to hang out, since it's lonely in a country where you are alone, and I thought it would be ultimately better than NC. We've been friends for about 8 years before we tried dating. It's a holiday week and I said he could stay with me for it. I knew there would be some drama but it seems like it's always something. And I feel so much like the dude in this relationship. He's always making bitter comments about our relationship not working out, he is upset that I am 'too laid back'. I make plans to hang out with coworkers and he's upset about it. I want to have time on my own to get ready (I want to do girly stuff and this is a studio apt) and he gets upset. He is always upset about something and I feel like I always have to give some explanation. I'm stressed. Now he says that he's really unhappy in his job and he wants to quit in a couple months. If he quits, he is going to end up living here again because there's no way I'm going to let him be on the streets, and the only other option is for him to go back to the states, which he doesn't want to do just yet. I feel trapped. Help! He's not your responsibility. If he quits, he needs to man up and get a new job and a place or go back to the states. 1
CC12 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I make plans to hang out with coworkers and he's upset about it. I want to have time on my own to get ready (I want to do girly stuff and this is a studio apt) and he gets upset. Do you mean this is happening now, during the holiday week when you said he could stay with you as your house guest? If so, it's kind of rude of you to ditch him to go out with your friends. And, what, are you making him leave so you can get ready and do your girly things? That's pretty messed up. But as far as the rest of your post, he does sound difficult. He probably still has feelings for you. Maybe a friendship isn't the best thing for either of you right now. And under no circumstances should you let him move in with you if he chooses to quit his job. What a nightmare that would be. Ask him, "Where are you going to live if you quit?" "Oh, you want to move in here? Yyyeaahhhh, I don't think that would be a good idea. You should have another job and apartment lined up before you quit."
Author SilverLining Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 No, it's not rude because he has to work the next day, so basically he'd just be going home a couple of hours early. And I blew people off all week to hang out with him. I would invite him along, I have no issues with that, but he doesn't drink and he would just get all pissy about it. Regarding telling him to get another job and apt before he quits, it's just not an option. This isn't America, this is Japan. He can try to find a job before his last 2 months are up but it's going to be difficult when he can do only one kind of job here per visa status, and cannot get an apt without a new job. Also, if he did look for a job here there's no guarantee he would even be in the area - it might be on the other side of the country.
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