*urgent* should I have sex with him when I know I'm going to break up with him

[byebye34]

Ok here is the situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, but things just aren't working out. He's a great guy, but we are too different and there is no future for us so I want to break up with him.

 

The problem is that tomorrow his family is having a huge gathering that we are going to and then after that we are going back to his place and he wants to make me a romantic dinner and then... you know. I don't want to break up with him tomorrow after this family thing, but would I be a horrible person for sleeping with him when I know that within the next week I'm going to break up with him? Should I just come up with an excuse to leave after we get back from the party? I really don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him more than I'm already going to.

 

Any advice is appreciated. I'm 22 and he's 23 if that makes any difference

[Mindfr3ak]

Well if you should sleep with him or not is your personal choice,but if you think that he will get the feeling that you love him more if you choose to sleep with him,in that case dont do it.This has two sides,one is your personal choice,if you want or not,but the other one are his feelings,so decide what you want to do,personally i wouldnt do it if the relationship has no future.

[lalalandman]

Hmmm, darn. See, from a guy's point of view I would say 'hell, sure!". But then again it seems strange coming from a girl. That you want to bang him and then bail. This seems a little backwards to me. I guess this really hits a sore spot on double standards.

 

Ok, I'm just going to play devil's advocate and say Go for it!

[BewitchedandBothered]

Ok here is the situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year, but things just aren't working out. He's a great guy, but we are too different and there is no future for us so I want to break up with him.

 

The problem is that tomorrow his family is having a huge gathering that we are going to and then after that we are going back to his place and he wants to make me a romantic dinner and then... you know. I don't want to break up with him tomorrow after this family thing, but would I be a horrible person for sleeping with him when I know that within the next week I'm going to break up with him? Should I just come up with an excuse to leave after we get back from the party? I really don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him more than I'm already going to.

 

Any advice is appreciated. I'm 22 and he's 23 if that makes any difference

 

if you know you are going to dump him, why are you going through the charade of going to this gathering? And why do you want to sleep with him knowing you will break his heart? by doing this you are hurting him more than you think. You know he's planning on a nice dinner for you and he has no clue that you are going to dump him. Don't go to the party; dump him now so he gets a head start at healing. So unfair of you to even consider it.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Hmmm, darn. See, from a guy's point of view I would say 'hell, sure!". But then again it seems strange coming from a girl. That you want to bang him and then bail. This seems a little backwards to me. I guess this really hits a sore spot on double standards.

 

Ok, I'm just going to play devil's advocate and say Go for it!

 

bang him and bail. I feel sorry for the guy. How would you feel if that happened to you? Not a casual one night love'm and leave'm, but say you are that guy, blindly preparing a lovely romantic meal, thinking that everything's great. You get used and see ya later. Awww. maybe it's different for guys and you don't feel any emotion when that stuff happens.

 

To the OP, if your guy is the type to not have any feelings of hurt and sadness about being used and dumped, go for it. bang him and bail.Sounds like you could live with yourself after, as you seem to have it all planned out. Wish someone knew so they could warn him and he could bail before you get a chance to hurt him.

[lalalandman]

You truly can never spot my scarcasm can you?

[BewitchedandBothered]

You truly can never spot my scarcasm can you?

 

Sorry...I have PMS and there is no freaking chocolate anywhere, LOL!!!!!!!!! Sorry if I came off as harsh, but the OP's post really got to me.

[lalalandman]

I'll be your chocolate if you be my milk.

 

Ok yea sometimes I think some of these threads are jokes but really the things people endure...

 

OP, I say Do him.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I'll be your chocolate if you be my milk.

 

Ok yea sometimes I think some of these threads are jokes but really the things people endure...

 

OP, I say Do him.

 

Well if she does do him, I hope he leaves her with a lovely parting gift, such as, I don't know...herpes? LOL

[lalalandman]

Lolz!!!! I laughed pretty hard

[sweetheart5381]

Sweet.. so many wonderful venereal diseases out there!

 

Listening to "Crabs in the bucket"... seems fitting...

[mridul_chajilee]

Well,so you are in PRE PLAN break up??It means you never heartly loved him and you are just in a system.SEX and LOVE both are opposite and parallel.

[Rorschach64]

After being subjected to a similar scenario you are considering to do or not to do.....it hurt and confused the hell out of me.

 

Spare both your sanity and don't do it, for the love of god

[CC12]

Should I just come up with an excuse to leave after we get back from the party?

 

Why even go to the party? Make up an excuse not to go. Do you really want to have to smile at his family and banter with them as they playfully ask you when you two are getting married, as every family ever likes to do?

 

Tell him you have a headache, period cramps, projectile diarrhea, whatever. I know this would be sh*tty, passive-aggressive behavior in most situations, but really, you shouldn't be fostering a relationship with his family if you're going to be dumping him right after.

[AshinKusher]

Bad timing can make it hard, I say go and have a nice night, but don’t sleep with him. Don’t come up with an excuse to leave either, use this opportunity as an ice breaker, tell him you’re not sure that you want this anymore and you don’t see it working.

[leoc1973]

ok well here is how a man's mind/libido works. Right after sex a guy really doesn't want anything to do with a woman. I don't know if it comes from cave man days or what but its why we don't wanna cuddle. Unless he's really deeply in love with you. So I say bang him and then dump him immediately after. He probably will say eh ok who cares. LOL

 

How often are you guys having sex now? is a daily thing? Then whats the difference? Give him a nice weekend and then dump him. Just be prepared for all his family members to give you the "so when's the big day" thing.

 

My ex and I had some really intimate sex right before we broke up. She did some err. well things that she normally wouldn't do and it was nice so come on the real thing is he's going to be more hurt about losing you than when/where/if you had sex or not so it really doesn't matter.

 

Just be completely honest with him and why you are breaking up with him because to be honest I think half of us guys hurt is trying to figure out what we did. Don't waiver and give it to him straight.

[beyond]

No, I personally wouldn't. End it now rather than going through the charade of the family gathering - I agree with others, that in itself will bring up many cringe moments of 'ah, you make a lovely couple' etc. To stand there talking to them, knowing you are going to break their loved ones heart the next day would be cruel.

 

Also, he's going to make a big effort and cook you a romantic meal - no doubt say some lovely things to you and you would have to sit there and smile and give some response. It's all a recipe for disaster and very unfair.

 

I know you are thinking it would be better for him to go to the family do, but I think you are mistaken. When you have broken up with him, he will look back on that day and think 'wow, she went to that family gathering and sais this and this to my family and then let me whisper sweet nothings to her that evening, all the while knowing she was going to break up with me'. Trust me, stuff like that tears you up in the aftermath.

[Ajax]

I can relate to your soon to be ex boyfriend. When my ex left me it was a few days after I threw her a birthday party followed by a pretty intimate night. She knew the party was coming by the way, so she could have avoided it if she wanted to.

 

But she knew she was going to break up with me while letting me plan things and sleeping with me. It gave me a false sense of security in the relationship that I think contributed to how hard it was to accept that it was over.

 

So my advice, if you care at all about his feelings, is don't lead him on. It will be easier for him to accept that you want to end the relationship if he doesn't have a false sense of security that spending time with his family followed by a romantic evening will undoubtedly create.

[SilverBlueAndGold]

Personally I could do no such thing.

 

And I have to wonder what this thread would look like if it was a man asking the same question....

[Mme. Chaucer]

Interesting how a brand new member posts such an incendiary thread, only to never be seen again- with this user name, anyway.

 

Where are you, OP? Whatcha gonna do?

[William]

Since the urgency has passed and the thread starter has not returned, I'll close this.