robaday Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 We broke up in a bad way, she said some bad things. i remained calm and wished her the best then went nc. Over the course of two weeks i had five missed calls, three texts, and three emails. They started nice, I love you I miss you. And by the end they became quite aggresive. I replied to one of the last ones, which was throwing ultimatums about being a friend to me, and how im cruel i am. i just said that things were going well for me, i was happy to talk if it was an emergency but i couldnt really spend anymore time talking about us. Shes pissed Im doing well, her response was passive aggressive, and demonstrated incredible insecurity. Did I do the right thing? the more I hear from her the more Im turned off by her. I dont mind being friends, but I cant really engage in this endless cycle of i miss you's i love yous. Did my response come across as weak, kinda like its too painful to talk to you. or strong - im happy to talk but cant waste anymore time talking about us. 1
Terrorblade Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 Hi Rob, You did the right thing.... my ex gf broke up with me 3 months back. I have been in 1.5 months NC and now she is calling me up - saying she misses me. She left me for another guy - because she missed the 'being in love" feeling. She called me names, tried to hurt me as much as she could. It's too early to see that she has changed. I'd say maintain NC for a couple of weeks more. See if she is interested in having you in her life then (right now, she may be lonely, and you are the one person she may feel comfortable talking with). The problem with being friends is that you will keep on wishing for more, and she will use you to stand up, and drop you the moment she finds someone better. Stay NC (for some time) and keep your conversations cordial. All the best, stay strong.
travelbug Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I agree, you did the right thing. She's clearly not in control of her emotions, and not in a place to have a constructive conversation. And if you're not looking for reconciliation, and it sounds like you're not, there's no reason to go around in circles with her. You responded with a good amount of firmness without being cold. If you do hope to salvage a friendship with her, go NC for at least a couple weeks to a couple months (depending on how long you were together), then perhaps reach out to see how she's doing.
Simple love Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 Did you break up with her? Or did she break Up with you? Sounds like she is really hurt. Ive never heard of nc before I went on the Internet. I think every situation is different. If she's stalking you. Be nice and keep it short Just recognize her pain and say you need time If she doesn't get it and can't be civil. Then Use NC. Otherwise just take it day by day.
Million.to.1 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I am guessing that you broke up with her. And i agree that she sounds like she is hurting. If you think that NC is the best way to heal for both of you, then explain that to her. Tell her that you are hurting too and you need to cut contact for a good deal of time so you can move forward with your life. You care about her and want to be friends, but that isn't possible yet. I don't think "going NC" is helpful to anybody unless both people know that's whats happening... One party out rightly ignoring the other is just kinda childish. NC has worked well for me, but i explained that to my ex, and he understood it was a method for healing, not because i hated him or was angry at him.
Author robaday Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 She broke up with me. I didnt have an issue with the break-up - it wasnt working, but the way she handled it was poor, and I lost a lot of respect for her. If someone doesnt want to be with me, I can accept it. But, , theres ways of breaking up without listing another persons faults. Ive seen an ugly side to her, and while I feel bad shes suffering, if she could be adult enough to own her own mistakes we could be friends. Tricky position - shes suffering worse than me right now because I sucked it up and got on with my life. I have empathy for her, but can't really be there to comfort her.Guess I gotta ride it out until both our emotions have calmed down. I dont want her back, but it would be great if she was adult enough to own her mistakes. I think Ill be waiting a long time......
favoritepills Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 You absolutely did the right thing. Great job handling the break-up so well -- I wish "sucking it up and moving on with [our lives]" came just as easily for the rest of us! Since she broke it off with you, you don't owe her a damn thing. If you felt like it, you could also explain that you no longer wish to speak to her for the next couple of months because you need time and space to heal and move on. At least that way you make your message clear. But to reiterate, you don't have to because you owe her nothing.
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