justsomebody Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I am not sure if this is theright place to post this. All I know is the pain I am going through.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I had been corresponding withthis person almost a year through a penpal site. We talked everything under thesun and yes, there was a connection there which I saw it was all friendship. Iwas/am fond of him, however, we are both married. Even if we were single,chances of getting together was slim since we live in different country. We juste-mail each other, no texting nor sexting nor phone calls. At times, twice a daybut rarely, but for sure once a day. Almost towards our one year mark, one dayhe sent me a one sentence e-mail that he “was taking a “penpal vacation”. Before that one sentence, I was upset withhim about something and was short in my reply. When I received that one sentence,I was furious and out of anger, I deleted my account. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]After one week, I had aclearer head, signed back on and found that he had deleted his account as well.I sent him an e-mail to his personal account and apologized for such a childishact. He then sent me a reply stating that he had a dark cloud so intense that heneeded to break if off. This happened once with another lady before he married tohis present wife (24 years ago). He also indicated that our correspondence wasstarting to affect his marriage. I was shock. I didn’t see this coming. Inreply I told him that I didn’t know what to tell him how to manage his feelingsbut I can assure him that as a friend I will remind him not to sway from hismarriage. I sent him my picture and told him that sometimes our imaginationplays tricks in our mind, therefore I sent him my picture just to let him knowthat we tend to imagine grass is greener next door. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]We left it there and withno contact for three months. But I missed our conversation, he had made methink about things from current political issues to family matters. During thattime, I had issued with my daughter, in addition to losing a friend; I wentinto depression. I finally sent him a three sentence e-mail basically tellinghim something like “I was in immense pain, now I know how you feel” Heresponded right away telling me that he had been thinking about me for fourdays. We acknowledged the connection was strong, but there was nothing I coulddo about it. I am staying with my family (he mentioned about the ramificationof divorcing). Anyhow, we decided to keep our friendship. During the firstmonth, things were like before we “broke-up” but soon he wrote less frequent.Things has changed. I sensed that. We were not as "care-free" as before. Seems that we are walking in fine lines.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Six weeks ago, hestopped all of a sudden. His last reply still ended as usual..eg. ‘talk to youlater”. Now, I am at a lost. I don’t know if he fell into that “dark cloud”again or what. It would be much better if he told me that he couldn’t do thisanymore. Or maybe all the while he had planned in a way that he would string mealong for sometimes then discontinue since the three-sentence e-mail was fullof pain. The reason being that he had created another e-mail account and askedme to write to that one in his immediate response which makes me wonder why he didthat unless he plans to abandon it some time down the road. I don’t know, maybeI am complicating things. I don’t understand why the sudden department. Itleaves no closure. I am sad because I thought I had my friend, a confidantback. Never thought that he would do the same thing again, this time withoutsaying goodbye. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Any insight from my LS communityto make some sense of this?[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I am not sure if this is theright place to post this. All I know is the pain I am going through.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I had been corresponding withthis person almost a year through a penpal site. We talked everything under thesun and yes, there was a connection there which I saw it was all friendship. Iwas/am fond of him, however, we are both married. Even if we were single,chances of getting together was slim since we live in different country. We juste-mail each other, no texting nor sexting nor phone calls. At times, twice a daybut rarely, but for sure once a day. Almost towards our one year mark, one dayhe sent me a one sentence e-mail that he “was taking a “penpal vacation”. Before that one sentence, I was upset withhim about something and was short in my reply. When I received that one sentence,I was furious and out of anger, I deleted my account. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]After one week, I had aclearer head, signed back on and found that he had deleted his account as well.I sent him an e-mail to his personal account and apologized for such a childishact. He then sent me a reply stating that he had a dark cloud so intense that heneeded to break if off. This happened once with another lady before he married tohis present wife (24 years ago). He also indicated that our correspondence wasstarting to affect his marriage. I was shock. I didn’t see this coming. Inreply I told him that I didn’t know what to tell him how to manage his feelingsbut I can assure him that as a friend I will remind him not to sway from hismarriage. I sent him my picture and told him that sometimes our imaginationplays tricks in our mind, therefore I sent him my picture just to let him knowthat we tend to imagine grass is greener next door. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]We left it there and withno contact for three months. But I missed our conversation, he had made methink about things from current political issues to family matters. During thattime, I had issued with my daughter, in addition to losing a friend; I wentinto depression. I finally sent him a three sentence e-mail basically tellinghim something like “I was in immense pain, now I know how you feel” Heresponded right away telling me that he had been thinking about me for fourdays. We acknowledged the connection was strong, but there was nothing I coulddo about it. I am staying with my family (he mentioned about the ramificationof divorcing). Anyhow, we decided to keep our friendship. During the firstmonth, things were like before we “broke-up” but soon he wrote less frequent.Things has changed. I sensed that. We were not as "care-free" as before. Seems that we are walking in fine lines.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Six weeks ago, hestopped all of a sudden. His last reply still ended as usual..eg. ‘talk to youlater”. Now, I am at a lost. I don’t know if he fell into that “dark cloud”again or what. It would be much better if he told me that he couldn’t do thisanymore. Or maybe all the while he had planned in a way that he would string mealong for sometimes then discontinue since the three-sentence e-mail was fullof pain. The reason being that he had created another e-mail account and askedme to write to that one in his immediate response which makes me wonder why he didthat unless he plans to abandon it some time down the road. I don’t know, maybeI am complicating things. I don’t understand why the sudden department. Itleaves no closure. I am sad because I thought I had my friend, a confidantback. Never thought that he would do the same thing again, this time withoutsaying goodbye. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Any insight from my LS communityto make some sense of this?[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] Your friend/confidant should be your husband.
Jono85 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 maybe he realized that what you both were doing was flat out wrong and he decided finally to strive to be a better person. he probably also realized that if you're willing to cheat on your husband, you'd cheat on him. your husband deserves better. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 maybe he realized that what you both were doing was flat out wrong and he decided finally to strive to be a better person. he probably also realized that if you're willing to cheat on your husband, you'd cheat on him. your husband deserves better. So does the pen pal's wife. Very sad situation. Glad nothing came of it. Two unsuspecting people could have been deeply hurt by all this 'innocent' emailing. 1
Author justsomebody Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 Yes. In the past I had told my husband that he should have someone better to share his thoughts with. I acknowledged that we were so far apart that we were just being indifference to each other, however, mature enough to have harmony within the family. I told him that I had made mistakes in our marriage (not communicate well and say things that made him feel bad) for that I apologized. I think that he is a good man and deservses someone better to give him happiness. I told him that he is too young to not have intimacy with a woman. I completely unde rstand if he needs to find someone. Afterall, he needs to have someone to love him. I still ask about how he is doing, about his work and things in general. But for many times, I wish that he would ask me about my work, how I feel and how I am doing. Nothing. So what I learn is that all I need is to have some mental stimulation. Too bad in this case the person that I communicate with happens to be a man. I do have another penpal who is a woman and we talk everything under the sun as well. At this stage of my life, I figure that friendship is more important that romantic love since my husband and I didn't have the foundation of friendship. Yes, I do mourn for the lost of a good friend. You probably is right that he felt that he was doing something wrong. Thanks for your thoughts.
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