Sophia12345 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 These past couple of days i've been doing alot of reading into the theory of GIGS and most of the stages a GIGS breakup goes through are happening... I just wanted to hear some opinions to clarify ( I know nothing can determine) wether i'm right in thinking my ex is having his GIGS stage of life. We first met when we were 15, 20 now and both love eachother more than anything in the world. During our relationship I feel i had maybe a 'mini GIGS' outburst in the sense I wanted to go out, party, do what I want with my freinds but the one thing I NEVER wanted was to leave my boyfriend, I knew he was the one and was NEVER looking for someone else, just the 'college lifestyle' without sleeping about. Last year my ex went on his 'lads holiday' who knows what went on then but either way im not too bothered as its growing up i expect the worst with those things ( I dont think the fact im understanding means im letting myself be walked all over). Since this holiday GIGS has slowly worked its way into my ex's life to the point where about 6 weeks ago he called it quits with the usual 'i love you but i wanna do my own thing' 'i still wanna be with you at the end of all this but i dont expect you to wait' the best one was 'I dont wanna have to feel guilty when i choose my freinds over you' Blergh whatever whats done is done im now hating life being single. Every day he is out with the lads getting drunk, doing weed, and i know he is talking to girls but don't know how far in exploring the world of girls he is. I know he has made contact with his ex, visited a girl he met on his holidays all because 'he knew we weren't together so he knew he could' he accepts he was in the wrong but doesnt care as its what he wanted to do which fine whatever its his life he can do as he pleases.. After talking to his mum 2 weeks back, she told me hes changed too. Became the most selfish person, allways his way or no way, gets everything done for him and she said he just needs time to get it all out of his system. Now he has promised me that he'll be back cause he knows he can;t just leave me whatever happens but dont worry im not counting on that. My plan is to get over this break up properly and hopefully just meet other guys, not a relationship just casual banter. I understand why he is doing what he is doing and hold no grudges or am angry. I accept whats happening and know i can do nothing to change it. But i also have it stuck in the back of my head that this is just a phase for a year or so and we will be fine, to be honest thats the only thing getting me through.... anyway back to the original qu, anyone think this is GIGS?
dandan89 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 First off I know how horrible this is! I think my ex gf is going through GIGS. You are right that we just have to let them do it on their own and if they want to come back they have to do it on their own accord with no pressure or manipulation. It does sound like GIGS but not all cases of GIGS are textbook. Not all will wanna come back even if they are going through GIGS as they just might find that greener grass. It is a painful way to lose someone though, all to nothing so quick. I remember 2 weeks before I got it out of mine (she knew for about a week before the end that she wanted to BU but wouldnt accept it and couldn't tell me so I had to keep asking what was wrong) I tried to passionately kiss her and she couldn't which was so painful. She then cried and I asked what was wrong and she said "I don't want you to leave me". So I thought she'll be alright then 2 weeks later we are broken up. Its now been three months and in me nothing has changed, I love her as much as I always have. It's just the most awful and hardest thing to have to go through. So don't wait around, live your life to the fullest and if he comes back he comes back. That's the way I'm trying to live life!
Author Sophia12345 Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 First off I know how horrible this is! I think my ex gf is going through GIGS. You are right that we just have to let them do it on their own and if they want to come back they have to do it on their own accord with no pressure or manipulation. It does sound like GIGS but not all cases of GIGS are textbook. Not all will wanna come back even if they are going through GIGS as they just might find that greener grass. It is a painful way to lose someone though, all to nothing so quick. I remember 2 weeks before I got it out of mine (she knew for about a week before the end that she wanted to BU but wouldnt accept it and couldn't tell me so I had to keep asking what was wrong) I tried to passionately kiss her and she couldn't which was so painful. She then cried and I asked what was wrong and she said "I don't want you to leave me". So I thought she'll be alright then 2 weeks later we are broken up. Its now been three months and in me nothing has changed, I love her as much as I always have. It's just the most awful and hardest thing to have to go through. So don't wait around, live your life to the fullest and if he comes back he comes back. That's the way I'm trying to live life! I wish i could just say BYE! Im sure our ex's will be back. Infact im certain of it I just need to learnt how not to base my recovery on that. Its been just under two months but we still kinda talk, I dont really know where i stand still.... Its like he doesnt want to let go fully. Its crazy how someone can cause you so much pain and destruction yet still I would do anything for him and I genuinely still think if I truely needed him he would help me. Last time i saw him, about 3 weeks ago he made me dinner, tea, massage was normal with me. Its weird REALLY werid. I think he will come back, but im scared to pin my hopes on that...... just want this to be OVER
Eddie Edirol Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 It doesnt sound like he thinks he can find someone better, but he wants to have a good time and sleep around without being tied down by you. After spending 5 of his teenage years with you, its natural to want to discover more to the world. Some people dont want to go through life possibly regretting that they didnt take risks and learn from them. 20 years old is the prime age for self discovery, and relationships usually breakup at this point. Keep in mind, that he has to have fallen out of love with you to decide that he'd rather party then be in a relationship with you. That takes time, it doesnt happen overnight, so something had to happen between you two for him to lose his attraction to you. Maybe he decided that you werent the one when you had your "mini gigs outburst".
Author Sophia12345 Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 It doesnt sound like he thinks he can find someone better, but he wants to have a good time and sleep around without being tied down by you. After spending 5 of his teenage years with you, its natural to want to discover more to the world. Some people dont want to go through life possibly regretting that they didnt take risks and learn from them. 20 years old is the prime age for self discovery, and relationships usually breakup at this point. Keep in mind, that he has to have fallen out of love with you to decide that he'd rather party then be in a relationship with you. That takes time, it doesnt happen overnight, so something had to happen between you two for him to lose his attraction to you. Maybe he decided that you werent the one when you had your "mini gigs outburst". I understand he wants to find himself and discover whats out there it's just that I don't want it to happen! I know that its probably something to do with the way i acted to make him think theres more to life than this. I know all of this I just can't help but think he is the one. No matter what I think, what angle I take on this I LOVE him more than the world, nothing I think is changing that. I physically CANT change that and I feel like i'm only going to move on when i'm over this and I just cant do it.
dandan89 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Yeah if only there was an off switch for love. There is nothing we can do to stop loving them. Though I have come to the conclusion of if you love them you will let them go. And that's what I'm doing, letting her do this and maybe, just maybe she will come back. But the pain is excruciating unfortunately, like your worse nightmare coming true Focus yourself on something, give yourself something to look forward too. I'm gonna learn to scuba dive and I'm actually really looking forward to it. I'm reading the dive manual at the moment and it's taking some of my mind off her (I say some as I think about her all the time, even after this long). So yeah I'd say plan something mental! Do something to make them think but not to gloat or on purpose to show him. They would have to see by chance, like if he was to have a nose on your Facebook or through word of mouth between mutual friends etc.
gibson Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 It doesnt sound like he thinks he can find someone better, but he wants to have a good time and sleep around without being tied down by you. After spending 5 of his teenage years with you, its natural to want to discover more to the world. Some people dont want to go through life possibly regretting that they didnt take risks and learn from them. 20 years old is the prime age for self discovery, and relationships usually breakup at this point. Basically what Eddie says is what some of us call G.I.G.S. for short. I am not sure if you send private messages yet but once you can, you should talk to the the user in the thread below. She is close to your age and her Ex is 20 or so. She would love to help you out and answer any questions you might have. I will let her know about your thread and maybe you two can "connect". My GIGS experience, and consequences of my actions
Author Sophia12345 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 Yeah if only there was an off switch for love. There is nothing we can do to stop loving them. Though I have come to the conclusion of if you love them you will let them go. And that's what I'm doing, letting her do this and maybe, just maybe she will come back. But the pain is excruciating unfortunately, like your worse nightmare coming true Focus yourself on something, give yourself something to look forward too. I'm gonna learn to scuba dive and I'm actually really looking forward to it. I'm reading the dive manual at the moment and it's taking some of my mind off her (I say some as I think about her all the time, even after this long). So yeah I'd say plan something mental! Do something to make them think but not to gloat or on purpose to show him. They would have to see by chance, like if he was to have a nose on your Facebook or through word of mouth between mutual friends etc. Im going over to america at the end of june so am SO looking forward to that! Although it was supposed to be mine and the ex's trip but hey ho thats life i guess.... Im letting go because I know its what he needs, starting to focus on my self more, starting to care more about my image as i didnt really need too when in a relationship. Nothing I do will make me not stop missing and thinking about him but im coming to terms with that, Im a strong person i know life goes on and i know i will move on i just dont want to. I still feel he is the one and will return ive just got this gut feeling even through this moving on process that it will all be okay one day yet at the same time feel like im moving on, weird! Scuba diving?!?!?! Sounds good im sure youll have an amazing time!
Author Sophia12345 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 Basically what Eddie says is what some of us call G.I.G.S. for short. I am not sure if you send private messages yet but once you can, you should talk to the the user in the thread below. She is close to your age and her Ex is 20 or so. She would love to help you out and answer any questions you might have. I will let her know about your thread and maybe you two can "connect". My GIGS experience, and consequences of my actions Thanks! I Read through her story and i do feel i can relate, dont think i can private message yet or i just can't figure out how to
dandan89 Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Im going over to america at the end of june so am SO looking forward to that! Although it was supposed to be mine and the ex's trip but hey ho thats life i guess.... Im letting go because I know its what he needs, starting to focus on my self more, starting to care more about my image as i didnt really need too when in a relationship. Nothing I do will make me not stop missing and thinking about him but im coming to terms with that, Im a strong person i know life goes on and i know i will move on i just dont want to. I still feel he is the one and will return ive just got this gut feeling even through this moving on process that it will all be okay one day yet at the same time feel like im moving on, weird! Good! Going to the good old US will do you some good. It will be hard when you get there as you'll be thinking you should be there with him but really try and have the best time you can and enjoy yourself! I take it you're from the UK too! I understand the feeling one day them coming back but for now you've ignore it and put it to the back of you mind as it really won't do you any good to think like this. Really I think we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We'll get there in the end Scuba diving?!?!?! Sounds good im sure youll have an amazing time! Yeah it'll be amazing! Just what I need to do. And it'll be a good excuse to travel to amazing places and go diving! Lol
Author Sophia12345 Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 Good! Going to the good old US will do you some good. It will be hard when you get there as you'll be thinking you should be there with him but really try and have the best time you can and enjoy yourself! I take it you're from the UK too! I understand the feeling one day them coming back but for now you've ignore it and put it to the back of you mind as it really won't do you any good to think like this. Really I think we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We'll get there in the end Yeah it'll be amazing! Just what I need to do. And it'll be a good excuse to travel to amazing places and go diving! Lol yes from the uk! We will be fine, ive come as far as to realise that... i didnt want it to be like this as im sure you didnt either, but thats life everything will work out eventually wether our ex's return or not but your right i need to stop living off that hope. I know theres a good chance it wont happen, but cant help thinking theres more to us than just this even after this time, i dont think were finished but only time will tell! Where you heading on your travels, anywhere nice?
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