Gulf-Delta Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 If so how often? Is it normal? I still cry 3 months after the breakup. I cry every couple days even after being NC for 2 weeks now
jennisfora Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 i cried pretty regularily til recently, and i did cry a little today, but not the horrible sudden crying spasms i had for the first couple months. now, it is more like a few tears, and then the anguish passes. before, it was almost debilitating and would happen randomly at work. i could barely function. now i function, but feel like a robot, i dont know which is better, honestly. i think my mind has found a new way to cope.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 i cried pretty regularily til recently, and i did cry a little today, but not the horrible sudden crying spasms i had for the first couple months. now, it is more like a few tears, and then the anguish passes. before, it was almost debilitating and would happen randomly at work. i could barely function. now i function, but feel like a robot, i dont know which is better, honestly. i think my mind has found a new way to cope. It sucks :/ Hugs to you
buckeye Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 G-D, I was married "officially" for 27 years. This July, it will be 2 years since the papers were signed. The 1st year was hell. I had complete meltdowns. I thought of her everyday. I stalked on FB. All the things that you're not supposed to do. Then I began to follow the advice given here. I exercised, bought a motorcycle, started a journal & even began to write songs. Very gradually I began to heal. Am I completely healed? No. I still cry sometimes, but less and less. I truly believe the key is forgiveness & letting go. I am thankful for our time together. We have 4 beautiful children to show for it. I have come to the conclusion that the girl I fell in love with doesn't exist any longer. We all change over time. I'm not the same as I was all those years ago. Forgive her. Forgive yourself. It takes time to heal. Best of Luck 2
Mr Scorpio Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I had gone about eighteen months without doing so. I did a bit of it six weeks ago and it opened the floodgates. I haven't felt right since. I did a little bit more at my therapy session yesterday, and a little bit more later on that day. Granted, mine has less to do with my ex than most other people here. Is it normal? Of course. It is a normal human reaction to unpleasant circumstances. In my case, it was/is emotional exhaustion and a lack of companionship.
esteem-jam Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Yes. By default I am emotional person, and cry at dramatic movies, so heartache adds more. At beginning it was very bad, nearly every day. Then I went on a-d`s, it helped heaps. I still have my episodes... when stuff get piled till I cant hold it. Sometimes I get 1 or 2 tears, but if there were big triggers and bad days I get a heavy one ;p I believe in this saying- after laughter comes tears, but it works even further- after tears comes laughter... and the cycle repeats. Usually after hardcore crying I am immune to everything the next days, sort of nothing can get me down, but stuff gets piled as I said, and the cycle repeats... and is in progress, always.
ThatDudeXO Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I did loads and loads. Funny thing is, I only cried because of contact. I went 2 months NC without crying, she broke NC; I cried a little and that was it. So that's NC for you.
Nohbody Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Odysseus, Beowulf, Gilgamesh, etc etc all cried at various times. So I figure it's probably ok. 3
SilverBlueAndGold Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Crying is good for the soul. Real men cry. Yes, I have cried and likely will again at some point. I am not ashamed. 1
Lostinlife4now Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 If so how often? Is it normal? I still cry 3 months after the breakup. I cry every couple days even after being NC for 2 weeks now I cry all the time...and I haven't broken up with anyone....GO figure!!! 1
Steelrain322 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 It's been a year since BU and just about 1 year NC, and I still cry once in a while. Depends if there's triggers like seeing her by accident.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 when he told me he hadn't wanted to be with me I cried and it was truly the worst feeling in the world. nowadays I don't cry about him, but he still occasionally pops unro my head. memories of us together kills me.
Chacha8 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I cried every day several times a day until about a week ago. Now, I can actually making it through an entire day without crying.....I usually only cry now when I hear a song or see something on tv that takes me back. Otherwise, I guess I'm all cried out.
NeverSettle Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 If so how often? Is it normal? I still cry 3 months after the breakup. I cry every couple days even after being NC for 2 weeks now You cry if you want to baby-cakes. You are the one that gave your heart and a part of your soul to a person that threw it on the floor and pushed it in a corner. The best thing you can ever do for yourself is to stay NC for you to heal. You deserve to feel and don't let anyone tell you otherwise where you think it isn't normal. You are not made to just throw off emotions that deeply touch you. You need to appreciate that you do have them. I keep looking for a Charles Stanley thread here, but it has helped me so much.
coltsfan1 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I use to cry over my breakup, it took about a year to except. Once that kicks in you will stop crying and begin to heal. It took me another 6 months to reach indifference, now I am pretty well past it. Once healing starts you will go through many different emotions. But ride it out then end is worth it. But only if YOU put in the work to grow as a person. 1
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 (edited) I use to cry over my breakup, it took about a year to except. Once that kicks in you will stop crying and begin to heal. It took me another 6 months to reach indifference, now I am pretty well past it. Once healing starts you will go through many different emotions. But ride it out then end is worth it. But only if YOU put in the work to grow as a person. I have no desire to become indifferent and remove this person completely. The whole point of NC for me, was to make my romantic feelings dissolve, so I can still have this person in my life. NC, for me, is to clean-slate this person. Some people may say that's wrong or will lead to more pain, but I don't hold grudges, unless someone was really malicious and evil to me. My ex was not. She was/is simply a very confused girl, who really did go about things as best as she could. She really didn't mean to hurt me, and she didn't try to make things bad. Because of that, I'm willing to still have her in my life as a close friend. Edited May 5, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 It's 19 months, so I am trying to remember as it's all a blur. As I recall, I cried hysterically when he verbally abused me over the phone and in emails. Another time when he blatantly ignored me. I cried to a friend who went through the same thing at the same time. I laid around depressed a lot and I ate and slept. It was a terrible time. I later decided that this was ridiculous and started taking better care of myself. I was more in a funk than crying after awhile. I was more in shock because he was literally worshiping me one minute and then literally devaluing me the next. I spent much of the time in a state of shock and WTF, LOL. Crying is a good release, though.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I have no desire to become indifferent and remove this person completely. The whole point of NC for me, was to make my romantic feelings dissolve, so I can still have this person in my life. NC, for me, is to clean-slate this person. Some people may say that's wrong or will lead to more pain, but I don't hold grudges, unless someone was really malicious and evil to me. My ex was not. She was/is simply a very confused girl, who really did go about things as best as she could. She really didn't mean to hurt me, and she didn't try to make things bad. Because of that, I'm willing to still have her in my life as a close friend. I keep forgetting it's still too early for you, LOL. You are putting her on a pedestal.
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 I keep forgetting it's still too early for you, LOL. You are putting her on a pedestal. Well then I guess I'm just too damn nice?? I don't get what you mean. I don't see how friendship=a pedestal. Just because I'm breaking up with someone doesn't mean I should deny the relity of the person's impact on my life. How would that look if me and this girl got married and we're 100 years old, and I'm just like "eh, you made no difference in my life". The impact doesn't change just because a split happened.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 Well then I guess I'm just too damn nice?? I don't get what you mean. I don't see how friendship=a pedestal. Just because I'm breaking up with someone doesn't mean I should deny the relity of the person's impact on my life. How would that look if me and this girl got married and we're 100 years old, and I'm just like "eh, you made no difference in my life". The impact doesn't change just because a split happened. Could you be friends with her down the road while she shares with you news of her latest boyfriend and their dates/travels together? You need to get real. Or would you lump her in with all your friends on the same level. You are definitely putting her on a pedestal. How great can she be if she's' not with you? 1
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 Could you be friends with her down the road while she shares with you news of her latest boyfriend and their dates/travels together? You need to get real. Or would you lump her in with all your friends on the same level. You are definitely putting her on a pedestal. How great can she be if she's' not with you? Of course I can't be okay with that now...but time heals, or at least they say. Just because we aren't together doesn't mean she's a bad person, people just grow apart.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 Of course I can't be okay with that now...but time heals, or at least they say. Just because we aren't together doesn't mean she's a bad person, people just grow apart. Exactly...People grow apart. Accept that and move on. 1
Author Gulf-Delta Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 Exactly...People grow apart. Accept that and move on. I don't/can't accept things like this...I just can't :/ My insides won't let me.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I don't/can't accept things like this...I just can't :/ My insides won't let me. Because it just happened. You won't heal magically over night; time has to pass. In the meantime you have to do things for yourself; stay active, volunteer, etc. Just don't lay around and obsess over it. Cry it out, but don't allow yourself to stay in that negative area for too long. it will be awhile before you reach the acceptance stage. 1
Lois Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 I cry every day. Sometimes it's just tears welling up, others it's sobbing. Oh well, it is what it is.
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