MaybeMilitary Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Hi all, Ive been reading the LS forums for nearly a year now but this will be my first thread . I'm just after some opinions on my situation really. Basically I've been seeing a guy for about 1.3yrs now and recently he said he would like to start dating me seriously. I am pretty happy about this as I care about him a lot and we work very well together. He has recently joined the military and is currently at basic training. He will then go to his core training for 3 months and then posted probably to the other side of the country. He has said he would like me to move with him when he is posted if all goes well with us during the next 5 months (I believe it will as I don't see anything at this time to ruin the relationship). The thing is if I move with him I will have to change universities, get a new job, leave my horses here etc. Personally I am ok with all this however a friend told me the other day she though I was giving up my life for someone that I have only known a short time and no guarantee it would work out. Im a strong independent woman and would never sacrifice my life for anyone but don't people make compromises for the ones we love? My friend is adamant that I'm making a mistake so I thought I would see what your opinions are. We live in Australia. I am 23and he is 24 if that makes a difference. Thanks
SarahRose Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 could you explain a little more what you mean by you seeing the guy for over a year? i would say no don't move for someone you just started dated. if you were married that would be different. stay in school, finish your education and get a good career going.
manup Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 could you explain a little more what you mean by you seeing the guy for over a year? i would say no don't move for someone you just started dated. if you were married that would be different. stay in school, finish your education and get a good career going. I think she said 1.3 yrs? Anyway, military life is a big sacrifice and it definitely isn't suited for everyone. What this mostly boils down to is. How much you like him, do you love him? Do you see each other being able to deal with distance? Is marriage in your future. Are you both mature enough to stay faithful and live together? Are you on the same page in terms of the future?
Emilia Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Basically I've been seeing a guy for about 1.3yrs now and recently he said he would like to start dating me seriously. [...] He has recently joined the military and is currently at basic training. He will then go to his core training for 3 months and then posted probably to the other side of the country. He has said he would like me to move with him when he is posted if all goes well with us during the next 5 months (I believe it will as I don't see anything at this time to ruin the relationship). The thing is if I move with him I will have to change universities, get a new job, leave my horses here etc. Getting serious comes up with military guys quicker than your average man, they often move at a faster pace because it's hard for them to date. He might ask you to marry him as well because that would be the only way for him to see you regularly. The thing is, he asked you to get serious when he knew he would join the military, it would be very hard for him to get a steady girlfriend otherwise. Military have the highest divorce rates if that helps. That's because people are forced to jump into serious arrangements that don't stand the test of time. So don't be too flattered that he asked you, a lot of this is self-serving.
Author MaybeMilitary Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Sorry I should have been clearer. We have been seeing each other exclusively for over a year but were not 'committed' in the sense that neither of us were sure if we wanted to be in a serious relationship (ie dating leads to marriage). He has known for about 8 months that he was in the military but was offered officers and turned it down to wait for intelligence and security police. So I knew the entire time where he was headed which was probably part of the hesitation to make us an official couple. I do have concerns that he is just lonely and wants to have someone there for him but he knows I would never accept marriage at this stage nor do I think he would ask me. I do love him and he loves me, Im not used to saying it to other people so i just thought it sounded silly to write it. I def need to think about this some more as I see other people also think its a bad idea. . .thanks for the replies:)
Emilia Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 So I knew the entire time where he was headed which was probably part of the hesitation to make us an official couple. Fair enough I do have concerns that he is just lonely and wants to have someone there for him but he knows I would never accept marriage at this stage nor do I think he would ask me. I do love him and he loves me, Im not used to saying it to other people so i just thought it sounded silly to write it. I def need to think about this some more as I see other people also think its a bad idea. . .thanks for the replies:) Probably not just lonely, it's good to see that you have been serious enough for a while. If you have nothing to lose, try it. If you do have something to lose .... well then you need to consider what the next step will be after he moves to another spot again. Will they help you to relocate or only if you are married to him etc etc The trouble with the military is that they make the call on lifestyle and location but they don't help you to adjust unless you are official (ie married). Once you are with a military man, the control over your lifestyle goes out of the window.
FitChick Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Why not do the long distance thing first? Let him adjust to his location and new duties without a distraction. Then you can visit several times. You might go there and decide you hated the place.
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