Denell Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Hmm, where to begin. I could write a book but I'll try to make it short. I have read several things about the spouse who cheats. Should we forgive them, give them another chance, blah blah blah. Well, my husband cheated on me almost 2 years ago. I have not forgotten it nor have I forgave him. I can't forgive him and I think about it daily. I've been married to my husband for 20 years and have been with him for 24. I had total trust, loved him with all my being and never, ever would have thought about cheating on him or that he would have cheated on me. I thought we were best friends, lovers and had it all. I "thought" we were different from others. So I think I am to the point where I am going to tell my husband that I am done, I want a divorce and I want to move on with my life. Over the last two years I think I have taught myself to dislike him more and more every day. I should have never given him a second chance. If I had it to do over again, I would have broke it off as soon as I had found out about it. After going thru this experience I would never give the advice to someone to give another chance. I'm not saying there isn't men/women out there that won't be faithful but they are few and far between and me personally would have never cheated on my husband because I love him so much. I feel, if he had truly loved me he would have never did what he did so no second chances. Is there anyone out there that cheated only once and has never done it again? If so, I would love to hear from you. Sorry, just venting after I've had a few to drink but it's like therapy for me. Thanks,
jennisfora Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 have you had any marriage counseling? or counseling of any sort? i think your resentment and distrust is perfectly natural, and comes with the territory, and it may be something that you can't get past...however, being married over 20 years is a very long time, and if i were you, i know i am not, but if i were, i would want to exercise all options to make it work before throwing in the towel. least that way, you can say you did all you could, but couldn''t get past the infidelity. I am sorry that you have to suffer through this at all. *hugs* 1
lalalandman Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 ^^^agreed. That is a long time though. Everyone makes mistakes. Wouldn't throw in the towel until you've considered all options. Then again, leaving is an option.
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Denell, a friend of mine cheated on her husband. They were together 22 years, married for 12 and have 3 small children. He travelled a lot and when he would come home, it was nag, nag, nag. She felt neglected and was on autopilot for the longest time; wasn't herself. She is a stay at home Mom and it made her feel worthless on top of it all. She met a fellow on Facebook and he charmed her, gave her the attention she needed. She met him and they fell in love===or so they thought. She slept with him and got caught up in him and his mind games; he pressured her to leave her husband, get an apartment and a job so he could see her. She wasn't ready to do all of this asap. That's when she realized she still very much loved her husband and didn't want to break up the family. They sought counseling and she tells me it has been helpful and her husband had forgiven her. She has not forgiven herself and the affair was about 2 years ago. You guys have a history together and it would do well for you to get counseling either by yourself or together. Just do what you can to make absolutely certain you are finished; you don't want to go through all the divorce stuff and find out later that it was a mistake. Listen to your heart; don't act on an angry moment; and keep communicating your feelings to him.
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