Author TheSingleGuy Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Yes, it is very hard to trust in this era. I should have lived in the 40's or 50's. 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Well, my brother got off lucky. she got rid of that baby, and became pregnant by that guy again - while she'd found a 3rd sucker.... That girl was one big desperate cry for help..... when a girl goes fishing in this way, she's either got very low self-esteem and needs validating, or she is attempting to make her SO jealous, so he will pay more attention to her.... OP, do you feel you are giving her enough attention? I don't mean you should roll out a red carpet, run her a scent-filled bath topped with red rose petals, and have an intimate dinner for two laid out for her on the Brooklyn Bridge you got the city to close down just for that purpose.... ....But is there any aspect of your attitude towards her that might be seen in her eyes as taking her for granted, or not paying attention to her? See, an awful lot of guys post break-up threads, and their first post more often than not contains self-recrimination about the way they neglected their ex GF, or the relationship..... Just a thought......
joystickd Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I would have said cool and if she would have kept on about it I would have channeled the inner pimp and been like "Look just like I got you I can get someone else so if you want to keep on with childish games I can show your a$$ the door." You say it calm don't ever get mad when they come at you with some stupidity like that. Its a power struggle and she made the first move. Getting mad is a checkers move and staying calm and waiting for her to keep on is chess.
xxoo Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I'm just jealous and insecure when I fall in love with a girl. I've had many women from my past cheat on me and treat me poorly. And I've seen first hand, since my divorce, how dishonest women can be. I'm way less trusting of women after my divorce than I was before. You and your gf have something in common. She wants you to be jealous because she is insecure, too. Yes, I check out other women all the time. I seriously can't help it. I see a beautiful woman, I stare. I think I should just break up with her. And that is contributing to her insecurity. What do you mean you can't help staring? If you want to grow past this point together, the first step would be getting real about your mutual insecurities, how you each treat each other, and be kinder to each other (no bragging about guys coming onto her, no staring at women when in her company). Build each other up. Right now, you are knocking each other down.
joystickd Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 To me, this is like when guys are all drooly or oggly over other women while out with their girls. Or are so open about telling their girl how hot other women are. I don't want to hear about all the other women a guy thinks is hot. I hate being out with guys that activily give other women attention visually. She knows you're looking at her, I know you're looking at her. Most men are not that descrete. So guys, if you don't want to hear about all the men that hit on your girl, don't be so eager to tell your girl all the women you think are so hot you just have to stare at or masturbate too.. or whatever you do that makes a woman question where your head is when your checking out other women. You have an obsession with men masturbating. Is that your fetish?
xxoo Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Its a power struggle and she made the first move. It is a power struggle, but it makes sense that she is reacting to him staring obviously at other women. Who really made the first move? Is anyone enjoying this game?
joystickd Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 It is a power struggle, but it makes sense that she is reacting to him staring obviously at other women. Who really made the first move? Is anyone enjoying this game? Its ok to look men or women the problem is when someone says something like that.
xxoo Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Its ok to look men or women the problem is when someone says something like that. It is ok to notice other attractive men and women. It is not ok to stare--esp if your partner sees you It is important to recognize that noticeably checking out other women can make your partner jealous, and that it may the reason she is trying to make him jealous. They each can take responsibility for their part.
Lil1 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I'm woman and I don't do that.. not seriously anyway. There have been very few times when I've disclosed such information to my SO but these were situations that were particularly noteworthy. Ex: My ex's boss, an old married fart, once propositioned me to be his woman on the side and even offered to put me up in an apt. and provide for me financially. He knew who my SO was. I've never even had a one on one convo with this man. I used to drop off lunch for my ex from time to time and it was during one of those times as I was leaving that he said this to me. Of course I had to disclose this info. to my bf. Not because I wanted to make him jealous or because I was playing games, but because it was the prudent thing to do. I have known some younger females that do this with their BFs regularly though. Often times their relationships are filled with drama. I attribute it to lack of self-confidence. When people do this repeatedly they need to feel validated. When people decide to accept this sort of behavior it is because they are insecure.
joystickd Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 It is ok to notice other attractive men and women. It is not ok to stare--esp if your partner sees you It is important to recognize that noticeably checking out other women can make your partner jealous, and that it may the reason she is trying to make him jealous. They each can take responsibility for their part. If it bothered her that bad she should have handled it differently than on some childish sh*t.
xxoo Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 If it bothered her that bad she should have handled it differently than on some childish sh*t. No argument there. Whole lot of childish sh*t in both directions.
zengirl Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 No argument there. Whole lot of childish sh*t in both directions. Basically this. Also, insecurity attracts insecurity.
g450 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Yes, it is very hard to trust in this era. I should have lived in the 40's or 50's. Tell me about it. I have been feeling like this for a very long time. Things were harder then but everything was black and white, no grey area. Sometimes its hard to know what the rules are. But I know what my own morals and sense of right and wrong tell me to do. And that's all I need to know. My GF told me the same thing when we were at our club one night and I told her "that's OK baby. Your coming home with me tonight". She loved that.
jennisfora Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 my last bf, now ex, used to want me to tell him when people hit on me, i always thought it strange, because i am the rather not know type, but some people like hearing it, he said it made him feel like others wanted me, but only he could have me? i dont know, but usually the people that hit on me at work, were not people that i wanted to date. so, it certainly wasnt so i could move on quickly. but, then again, i didnt really want to talk about it either. he would ask me, so who hit on you today? i was like, well, the usual gross 80 year old droolers, lol, i would be lucky if a cute guy openly hit on me, occasionally a crazy guy would. the extra brazen guys typically were way too old for me, or were overly blunt, and sometimes taken...
g450 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Jen, In a case like yours your man wants to know who the enemy is. I am guilty of this as well. If a guy hits on my woman and he knows she is with me then he is a low life scum AFAIAC. And its nice to know who the cockroaches are. If they are regulars at the club we go to I tend to keep an eye on them regardless of the reason my girl told me. Now some will say it may be insecurity and jealousy and the would be 100% correct. Guilty as charged. People do tend to forget that jealousy is a part of nature. Not necessarily always a bad thing. And some women like to know their man has their back and is willing to defend and protect his girl. And like others have said sometimes its a game they play. Just food for thought.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 The only times I ever did it was when I felt that I wasn't appreciated by my man. I would tell him whenever I was hit on so that he understood that I was with HIM when I could be with plenty of others. Maybe she isn't getting enough attention and that's her way of letting you know.
udolipixie Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 The gals I know who do tell their partners of guys hitting on them do so because: #1 she feels he isn't paying attention to her as he was previously and want him to feel as if he can lose her to respark it (he's taking her for granted) #2 she likes to talk about their day and this happened to be an event unaware that it may bother him as it's a guy showing interest in her not her showing interest in a guy (she doesn't see why he'd be bothered by another's interest when most guys show interest in other gals via masturbating to other gals and check out other gals with sexual fantasies abound. Apparently it's natural to be attracted to others but she can't dare mention someone being attracted to her ) #3 she's testing his committment to her (if he's bothered or jealous it means he cares & if he's not that means he's not invested...usually leads to giving herself a green card to cheat on him) As you stated that it's all the gals you date I'd suggest evaluating what you're attracted to or attracting if you dislike this type of talk.
phineas Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Basically this. Also, insecurity attracts insecurity. No it don't. I know a whole lot of insecure woman dating the most confident player types. I know a whole lot of insecure men attracted to secure women. People are attracted to what their attracted to.
PlumPrincess Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 She gets hit on by guys for the rest if her life. But me, as the loyal boyfriend, I stop approaching and hitting in other women. That's a very interesting point of view. I never really thought of that.
phineas Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 That's a very interesting point of view. I never really thought of that. Now that it's touched upon I have dated women that If I ever left them alone for a 2nd to hit the head or buy a drink i'd come back to find a guy hitting on them. A guy that I know saw she was with me. Those women would always say "i don't know why he started talking to me" or something like that when I got back. I knew why, they were putting out the buying signals obviously. I didn't take those women seriously after the first time it happened & just had fun.
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