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So since men are expected to pay when they go on a 1st date is it ok for me to.....

PhillyDude

By PhillyDude
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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

It is disgusting, to arrange a date, and then say " sorry, you seam nice, but your my type physically, do you mind if I pass at dinner?"

 

That is not treating a person with respect; they cannot HELP what they are born looking like... so until they do something to warrant such treatment, the least u could do if you PLAN a dinner date, is to follow it through.

After all, you may end up with a great friend! Friends are valuable, and seeing as your not attracted to her, it would be a very easy friendship for u ( providing she has no feeligs towards u). At least u do not run the risk of getting feelings for a friend, and you know it will only be friend.

Your girlfriends should not mind if u hang with a chick you say is ugly.

The best thing is, to not arrange a dinner date, unless u full well plan on following it through. Paying for your date is not always a standard practice, from what I hear; women offer to pay for themselves, or even pay for their date!

 

The fact you even considered it OKAY to just tell a girl she was unattractive to you, and you would rather not bother talking to them again at all, is indicative that your a rude @sshole.

  • Like 4
SarahRose Established Member

SarahRose

Posted
Posted

i had to laugh at how ridiculous this thread is.

 

dinner ho? lol what on earth is a dinner ho? free meals? most women hardly eat more than a salad these days.

 

i have to wonder where guys like the op got his bitter outlook on life and so cheap to boot?

 

 

i have to ask do you ever do anything for anyone? do you volunteer or donate to charity ever? do you have any friends at all? would you pick a relative or friend up at the airport or bail someone out of jail?

 

whatever happened to being decent and nice to someone because they are a fellow human being? where did you get these distorted views that the only purpose a woman has is to have sex with otherwise they aren't even worth acknowledging?

 

really i would stop trying to date and see a therapist

  • Like 9
Feanor Member

Feanor

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think I have been on one date where the girl just sort of assumed I was paying for the whole thing. Most of the time they offer to pay for half and we figure something out. Sometimes I'll be nice and pay for the whole thing. Other times I'll accept her offer and we'll split the tab. This is the kind of issue I only see people complain about on this board.

Edited by Feanor
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
its just a date for heavens sake not a betrothal..

 

in my opinion whoever asked for the date should pay.

So how many women do you think initiate the dates online?

 

From what I've read on the forums, some women go on a lot of online dates. Like 2-3 a week if not more. And if they're getting free meals from nice restaurants....

 

IMO, first dates should be dutch, if the bill is going to be over $10 total.

RiverRunning Established Member

RiverRunning

Posted
Posted
POLITELY tell her I don't feel it will work and end the date right away if I don't find her attractive?

 

I mean why foot the bill for a woman that I know i will never ever see again? So does it make more sense to end the date if I feel she is not my type after meeting from a OLD site?

 

 

Seriously? You would go out on a date with someone, then just give her the "peace out" immediately if she's not hot enough? You've already made the effort to go to the date...why wouldn't you stay? I can't imagine how much it would hurt if a guy immediately bailed during the date...rather than just never calling me again after or telling me after the date that he didn't feel it.

 

Mostly because if you bail immediately, you're more or less outright saying, "You're too ugly/too fat for me."

 

Not to mention that you're just wasting her time.

 

My MO is that I'll ALWAYS have money on me to pay for me and a date (and I'm a woman here) if I'm asked out. If I ask him, I pay for the date - I don't care if it's the first date or not. And if I went out on a date after he invited me and it just wasn't working, I'd at least offer to split the bill so neither of us leaves the date indebted to the other. I just think that's the DECENT thing to do.

 

Just because I'm not going to see someone again, or because it's unlikely, doesn't mean that I can then just treat that person like crap or disregard their feelings. I wouldn't do something cruel like that to a stranger - why would I do it to someone who, if only in the short-term, is my date?

 

One of my friends had a girl do this to her. They went out on a date, the girl didn't offer to pay for her own dinner (my friend had intended to pay anyway). The date started flaking out of the second part of their date, but still accepted my friend's free dinner invitation. Immediately after the date, the girl texts her with, "Sorry, I'm just not into you." WTF? Then buy your own dinner!

  • Like 2
RiverRunning Established Member

RiverRunning

Posted
Posted

I should also add - I've paid for others on the first date before, and not because he didn't have the money, but because I invited him out. In a few of those cases, we never did see each other again. Yeah, sure, it stinks to lose out money on a one-time thing, but that's just the cost of dating. It's like people who complain and complain about having to have a pet neutered. It is THE COST OF OWNING THE PET. Similar premise with dating. If you don't want to pay for a person you may never see again, you simply shouldn't be dating.

 

You never know if you might end up dating one of that woman's friends later down the line. OR if your mind will change and you're interested in her. I have warned friends about guys I've gone out with, and they've done the same for me, on dating sites.

soserious1 Established Member

soserious1

Posted
Posted

Dating gets expensive, particularly if you're male & using OLD sites. Nobody wants to appear to be a tight wad but the tab can get hefty quickly & let's face it, even "coffee" dates can easily cost more than $10 for 2 people, multiply that x 2 or 3 dates per week & it gets expensive so let's have some empathy for the guys here shall we?

 

Frankly, with how high student loan payments are & how much it costs to rent an apartment in most major cities I'm amazed that most young people just starting out don't starve to death.

 

OP, rather than abruptly end a date why not plan 1st meetings that will run for an hour or less? If you're in a city with a waterfront plan a boardwalk type of outing, meet at the park or at any local attraction that offers free admission.

 

Let's get real here, OLD site regulars know the drill, the 1st meeting is brief, it's a basic compatibility check that should be as painless as possible for both parties. Branding a guy as "cheap" because he doesn't want to pay for things for women he doesn't know is wrong IMHO.

  • Like 3
samsungxoxo Established Member

samsungxoxo

Posted
Posted
its just a date for heavens sake not a betrothal..

 

in my opinion whoever asked for the date should pay.

Agreed... what's the point of asking out if you're not going to pay?

 

Nothing more offensive than paying for something that wasn't your idea in the first place. Now if I'm doing the asking out, then yes I'll pay.

  • Like 1
soserious1 Established Member

soserious1

Posted
Posted
Agreed... what's the point of asking out if you're not going to pay?

 

Nothing more offensive than paying for something that wasn't your idea in the first place. Now if I'm doing the asking out, then yes I'll pay.

 

Sounds fair till you consider that the % of women stepping up to the plate & asking a man out is pretty low.

zengirl Established Member

zengirl

Posted
Posted

I would never let a guy pay if I knew I didn't want to see him again, and I think it's absolutely a good policy to NOT pay if you don't want to see her again. So, I'd say it's rude to end the date right away (unless she lied about her appearance in some significant way) but not at all rude to not offer to cover her meal/drink/whatever.

 

Heck, I don't even think it's "rude" to go dutch if you DO want to see her again (though you'll have to make your interest clear in other ways if you don't want that misunderstood in many dating climates), so if you want to do that, do that. Of course, someone might decide not to go out with you again because of it -- their choice, and your choice whether that matters to you or not. At any rate, many women take a guy offering to pay as a sign of interest, so it's probably rude to offer to pay if you're not interested!

 

If a guy or gal ended a date immediately, it would be rude. You could still do it --- kind of like the Lemon Law Barney invented once on HIMYM. Man, I could've used that on many a bad first date! But I didn't want to be rude, so I stuck around, paid for my meal, and said I was not interested if the guy ever called again.

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted
its just a date for heavens sake not a betrothal..

 

in my opinion whoever asked for the date should pay.

 

Indeed, who would ask someone over to dinner and then expect them to cook?

I hate this reasoning. Last I checked, most women wait for the man to ask them out...and for a lot of women, if he doesnt ask right away, they assume hes not into them.

 

Luckily I believe in going dutch, especially with first meetings from OLD. I dont consider a first meeting a first date...we dont even know if we like each other in person yet. The first date will be the second meeting actually.

zoe1983 Established Member

zoe1983

Posted
Posted

I don't really understand why you expect all women to be exactly the same. I mean you assume that every single woman that doesn't text you through out the week before a friday night date is just trying to get a free dinner. A few of them probably are, but on a purely statistical basis....obviously some are not. Personally, I hate dates because I tend to be shy and a people pleaser. I would never go out on a date just to get a free dinner. I would rather starve than sit through an awkward dinner date. I would also much rather deal with a half hour long awkward walk around the park where no money is involved than the awkward dinner date with the free meal lol.

 

Maybe if you stopped assuming that all women have ulterior motives and just try to get to know them you would have more luck. Also, have you ever thought about the fact that just because you don't find a girl attractive doesnt mean that she doesnt have attractive friends that she might introduce you to if your not a total ass?

  • Like 3
leftfordead2 Established Member

leftfordead2

Posted
Posted
There's really no polite way to tell a girl that you find her so ugly, you can't even bring yourself to sit through one date with her. I find it hard to believe that someone could look pretty in a photo but be horribly unattractive in real life. You should have a good idea of what she looks like before you meet.

 

Try having a little consideration for other people's time. If you make plans with a girl, she's kept her schedule free for you that day, she's taken time to get ready for the date, and she's gone to the trouble of going out to meet you. And then you cancel on her at the very last second because you took one look at her and decided she's not worthy of one brief date? That's basically the same as being stood up. She just wasted an entire evening for you, only to have you dismiss her immediately upon arrival. If you agree to go on a date with someone, you go on a date with someone. It's rude as hell to back out at the last second, especially for such a superficial reason. You don't have to pay for her and you don't have to see her again, but you do have to be considerate and go through with the date.

 

It's just common courtesy. You seem to think it's OK to treat a girl like crap if she's not as attractive as you expected, but it's not OK. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and courtesy. Even you.

 

I've been on plenty of dates where I decided halfway through that I wasn't interested in seeing the guy again because there was no chemistry or conversation wasn't flowing, but I did not stand up and walk out in the middle of the date. That would be terribly rude. I finished the date, I remained polite and friendly, I offered to split the bill like I always do, and then I thanked him for a lovely evening. And we parted ways. That's how civilized people date.

 

I just have to point out, wouldn't the guy have to take time out to meet the girl, keep his schedule free, take time to get ready for the date and travel to the place as well?

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

All my life, I would rather not eat at all than have to spend an evening with a man I did not like for a "free dinner." That's not free. That's expensive. And depressing.

 

I really don't think that a person who is going to dismiss a date because they aren't hot enough for him / her, but pay for a date if the person is hot, should really not be asking people out to restaurants or bars for a first meeting. That's all kinds of wrong - and really, really low class and sleazy.

 

Either meet where no money is required, or go to a very inexpensive place (coffee only) and be prepared to pay for the coffee if the other person doesn't step up (which, for the record, I believe they should, on a first meet).

 

Or, at least tell the women in email or on the phone what your deal is so she can avoid the humiliation you are ready to provide for her.

 

Making somebody else pay because they aren't hot? When you would have paid if they were hot?

 

:sick::sick::sick:

  • Like 4
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
#1: Women don't usually HAVE to initiate a date online - they've got tons of men clamoring for their attention and don't really NEED to initiate anything. That's the way it's been since the beginning of time - that men PERSUE women - and all the whining in the world by you guys ain't gonna change that.

 

Right now, I have no less than 9 different offers for dinner, an offer for a weekend at a beach house on the Jersey Shore, and an offer to be flown down to Florida to meet a gentleman and see the local sights.

 

Thanks for proving my point.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
I just have to point out, wouldn't the guy have to take time out to meet the girl, keep his schedule free, take time to get ready for the date and travel to the place as well?

 

Yes, but we're talking about a situation where HE initiated the date. The girl is under the impression that he actually wants to see her, and she is spending the time to get ready because he asked her. She is not going to be ready for, "oh, sorry, I'm not sexually attracted to you, so bye."

 

A real "date" with a person you are just checking out to see if they are attractive to you is probably a dumb idea across the board.

bac Established Member

bac

Posted
Posted
POLITELY tell her I don't feel it will work and end the date right away if I don't find her attractive?

 

I mean why foot the bill for a woman that I know i will never ever see again? So does it make more sense to end the date if I feel she is not my type after meeting from a OLD site?

 

No, it would be wrong and rude because you could treat her as a person and take your time before the first date to make sure that she was the right girl for you. You could exchange several emails with her, ask her to send you several recent pictures, ask her questions to figure out if she was good for you.

But, you did not want to get to know her better. You treat women as objects to get laid and you want to have a date with anyone who is OK to meet you right away. Therefore, if she is wrong for you, it is defenitely your mistake and you should not hurt other people for your own poor judgement.

  • Like 1
serial muse Established Member

serial muse

Posted
Posted
POLITELY tell her I don't feel it will work and end the date right away if I don't find her attractive?

 

I mean why foot the bill for a woman that I know i will never ever see again? So does it make more sense to end the date if I feel she is not my type after meeting from a OLD site?

 

I ask you this: Would you come on here and start a thread about it, if a woman did this to you?

 

If yes (and let's get real, you know the answer is yes), then don't do it.

 

That said. It sounds like in general you currently go on coffee/ice cream dates for the first date. Good; that sounds like the right strategy.

 

Personally, I think it's totally rude to walk out on someone, although I can understand not wanting to be chained to a table for 2 hours plus with someone you find repulsive. But if it's coffee, then what's the BFD anyway? It doesn't matter who's paying; even if you're going dutch. Sit your butt down and talk for 30 minutes. You can handle that. Be a human being.

  • Like 4
Cypress25 Established Member

Cypress25

Posted
Posted
I just have to point out, wouldn't the guy have to take time out to meet the girl, keep his schedule free, take time to get ready for the date and travel to the place as well?

 

Yes, which is exactly why I would never bail on a guy as soon as he showed up for the date! I couldn't imagine doing that to someone, especially if I asked him out. The OP is saying he would ask a girl out, and then say "Never mind, go back home" as soon as she showed up for their date. That's horrible.

 

Just for the record, it takes women a lot longer than men to get ready for a date. Just sayin'.

yongyong Established Member

yongyong

Posted
Posted

Stop being lame. Just go for a cup of coffe or a glass of wine.

  • Like 1
jdubinva Established Member

jdubinva

Posted
Posted
#1: Women don't usually HAVE to initiate a date online - they've got tons of men clamoring for their attention and don't really NEED to initiate anything. That's the way it's been since the beginning of time - that men PERSUE women - and all the whining in the world by you guys ain't gonna change that.

 

Right now, I have no less than 9 different offers for dinner, an offer for a weekend at a beach house on the Jersey Shore, and an offer to be flown down to Florida to meet a gentleman and see the local sights.

 

These guys' agendas are NO different than any of yours, so save the nonsense about what they REALLY want. You ALL want the same thing. Except some men don't act like stingy cheap-asses about a cup of coffee or set a $10 "limit" before making a woman pay for her own meal or her two Margaritas.

 

I can't imagine dating ANYONE that petty. Then again, I don't have to. Like it or not, pretty women have way too many options to be subjected to cheap whiners.

 

Usually when there's a #1 a #2 and maybe even a #3 follow if you can keep a coherent thought or message. I am glad you're so special that everyone wants to wine and dine you. Hopefully you reciprocate in kind.

123321 Established Member

123321

Posted
Posted
I hate this reasoning.

 

Well each to his own, dropping a few hundred bucks on a nice dinner at Birk's or where ever isn't really a major fiscal event, so I guess I don't see the big deal. Don't go anyplace you can't afford and suck it up is my opinion.

  • Like 1
SarahRose Established Member

SarahRose

Posted
Posted
Dating gets expensive, particularly if you're male & using OLD sites. Nobody wants to appear to be a tight wad but the tab can get hefty quickly & let's face it, even "coffee" dates can easily cost more than $10 for 2 people, multiply that x 2 or 3 dates per week & it gets expensive so let's have some empathy for the guys here shall we?

 

Frankly, with how high student loan payments are & how much it costs to rent an apartment in most major cities I'm amazed that most young people just starting out don't starve to death.

 

OP, rather than abruptly end a date why not plan 1st meetings that will run for an hour or less? If you're in a city with a waterfront plan a boardwalk type of outing, meet at the park or at any local attraction that offers free admission.

 

Let's get real here, OLD site regulars know the drill, the 1st meeting is brief, it's a basic compatibility check that should be as painless as possible for both parties. Branding a guy as "cheap" because he doesn't want to pay for things for women he doesn't know is wrong IMHO.

 

If a guy can't afford $10 a few times a week for a date then he'd better find a better job than fast food.

SarahRose Established Member

SarahRose

Posted
Posted

Get a loaf of bread from the day old bread store and keep it in the fridge.

Get an empty 2 litre container and fill it with tap water from the fountain in a park

 

You could have 5 dates a week and if you allow her one piece of bread and 8oz of water, then you could cut the cost of these free meals for dinner hoes down to about 25 cents per date!

musemaj11 Established Member

musemaj11

Posted
Posted
If a guy can't afford $10 a few times a week for a date then he'd better find a better job than fast food.

Are you kidding?

 

Any woman who is not a high school girl would be offended to be taken to a first date costing $10.

  • Like 1
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