So since men are expected to pay when they go on a 1st date is it ok for me to.....

May 3, 2012

POLITELY tell her I don't feel it will work and end the date right away if I don't find her attractive?

I mean why foot the bill for a woman that I know i will never ever see again? So does it make more sense to end the date if I feel she is not my type after meeting from a OLD site?

May 3, 2012

Yes, you are absolutely in the right.

May 3, 2012

I assume you would see a photo of her online before meeting, so you'd have an inkling you MIGHT find her attractive.

So if you meet, and there is no instant chemistry, I would go through with the date and see if it develops at all.

Sometimes people become more attractive as you get to know them.

But - if you always shut down if there isn't isn't chemistry, then yes, I'd tell her up front. May as well not waste her evening.

May 3, 2012

POLITELY tell her I don't feel it will work and end the date right away if I don't find her attractive?

I mean why foot the bill for a woman that I know i will never ever see again? So does it make more sense to end the date if I feel she is not my type after meeting from a OLD site?

Umm...yes. Please do so. And try to do a quick "pre-date." When you meet up at a restaurant or bar, you're kind of trapped. Meet up in a nearby park and no one is in any kind of awkward, trapped situation if the immediate chemistry is bad.

I ended up trapped with one guy who seemed really great over messaging, text and phone, but when I met him in person I wanted to run. We met in the restaurant and I felt obligated to sit through dinner. I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu just to not feel guilty about wasting too much of his money.

May 3, 2012

POLITELY tell her I don't feel it will work and end the date right away if I don't find her attractive?

I mean why foot the bill for a woman that I know i will never ever see again? So does it make more sense to end the date if I feel she is not my type after meeting from a OLD site?

Why not just go dutch? Maybe you'll make a friend

May 3, 2012

Umm...yes. Please do so. And try to do a quick "pre-date." When you meet up at a restaurant or bar, you're kind of trapped. Meet up in a nearby park and no one is in any kind of awkward, trapped situation if the immediate chemistry is bad.

I ended up trapped with one guy who seemed really great over messaging, text and phone, but when I met him in person I wanted to run. We met in the restaurant and I felt obligated to sit through dinner. I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu just to not feel guilty about wasting too much of his money.

Sitting in a restaurant is the worst thing anyone can do on a 1st meet and greet

May 3, 2012

I assume you would see a photo of her online before meeting, so you'd have an inkling you MIGHT find her attractive.

So if you meet, and there is no instant chemistry, I would go through with the date and see if it develops at all.

Sometimes people become more attractive as you get to know them.

But - if you always shut down if there isn't isn't chemistry, then yes, I'd tell her up front. May as well not waste her evening.

Sometimes a person may look different in person

May 3, 2012

Sitting in a restaurant is the worst thing anyone can do on a 1st meet and greet

Yeah, I agree. I think he was either the first or second date I'd gone on from OLD. I was a total n00b and just agreed to the suggestion.

Never ever made that mistake again. After that, first dates were either for coffee or a walk around a park. Both seemed to provide adequate outs for the need to escape now plan.

May 3, 2012

Why don't you make your first dates/meets coffee? You get there first and buy your own coffee. If you don't like her, you don't have to buy hers and you can leave after like 15 mins.

May 3, 2012

There's really no polite way to tell a girl that you find her so ugly, you can't even bring yourself to sit through one date with her. I find it hard to believe that someone could look pretty in a photo but be horribly unattractive in real life. You should have a good idea of what she looks like before you meet.

Try having a little consideration for other people's time. If you make plans with a girl, she's kept her schedule free for you that day, she's taken time to get ready for the date, and she's gone to the trouble of going out to meet you. And then you cancel on her at the very last second because you took one look at her and decided she's not worthy of one brief date? That's basically the same as being stood up. She just wasted an entire evening for you, only to have you dismiss her immediately upon arrival. If you agree to go on a date with someone, you go on a date with someone. It's rude as hell to back out at the last second, especially for such a superficial reason. You don't have to pay for her and you don't have to see her again, but you do have to be considerate and go through with the date.

It's just common courtesy. You seem to think it's OK to treat a girl like crap if she's not as attractive as you expected, but it's not OK. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and courtesy. Even you.

I've been on plenty of dates where I decided halfway through that I wasn't interested in seeing the guy again because there was no chemistry or conversation wasn't flowing, but I did not stand up and walk out in the middle of the date. That would be terribly rude. I finished the date, I remained polite and friendly, I offered to split the bill like I always do, and then I thanked him for a lovely evening. And we parted ways. That's how civilized people date.

May 3, 2012

Yeah, I agree. I think he was either the first or second date I'd gone on from OLD. I was a total n00b and just agreed to the suggestion.

Never ever made that mistake again. After that, first dates were either for coffee or a walk around a park. Both seemed to provide adequate outs for the need to escape now plan.

Yeah during this time of year the park idea is more doable. Or a sidewalk cafe where you are sitting outside

May 3, 2012

It's just common courtesy. You seem to think it's OK to treat a girl like crap if she's not as attractive as you expected, but it's not OK. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and courtesy. Even you.

What's disrespectful/discourteous is dragging things out longer than necessary. And there is an enormous gap between sitting through a mediocre date and bailing from the Titanic. Besides, chances are if one person is getting the bail now vibe, the other person is as well.

May 3, 2012

There's really no polite way to tell a girl that you find her so ugly, you can't even bring yourself to sit through one date with her. I find it hard to believe that someone could look pretty in a photo but be horribly unattractive in real life. You should have a good idea of what she looks like before you meet.

Try having a little consideration for other people's time. If you make plans with a girl, she's kept her schedule free for you that day, she's taken time to get ready for the date, and she's gone to the trouble of going out to meet you. And then you cancel on her at the very last second because you took one look at her and decided she's not worthy of one brief date? That's basically the same as being stood up. She just wasted an entire evening for you, only to have you dismiss her immediately upon arrival. If you agree to go on a date with someone, you go on a date with someone. It's rude as hell to back out at the last second, especially for such a superficial reason. You don't have to pay for her and you don't have to see her again, but you do have to be considerate and go through with the date.

It's just common courtesy. You seem to think it's OK to treat a girl like crap if she's not as attractive as you expected, but it's not OK. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and courtesy. Even you.

I've been on plenty of dates where I decided halfway through that I wasn't interested in seeing the guy again because there was no chemistry or conversation wasn't flowing, but I did not stand up and walk out in the middle of the date. That would be terribly rude. I finished the date, I remained polite and friendly, I offered to split the bill like I always do, and then I thanked him for a lovely evening. And we parted ways. That's how civilized people date.

The problem has been that the girls I was not attracted to still expected me to pay for their stuff and I became irritated. I remember one girl ordered her stuff and sat down leaving me with the bill and made me upset afterwards.

so to avoid all of that in the future I rather just leave.

May 3, 2012

Whether or not you pay the bill, it's fine to say you aren't interested at the end of the date.

It saves both people time.

May 3, 2012

If you think there's been some deliberate misrepresentation or deception that leads you to change your mind when you meet (eg old photos hiding a balding head on a man or a miraculously sudden weight gain on either sex or, and I've heard of this happening, the person who turns up just isn't the person from the photos) then, yes, politely call an end to things.

Depending on the circumstances (perhaps where there's no misrepresentation but you simply get a gut feeling that you don't fancy the other person) a polite way to deal with it might still be to have a short date - a coffee or a glass of beer - and call and end to it after the first drink. I hope you're not worried about the cost of a beer!

May 3, 2012

It is just as wrong for her to expect you to pay as it is for you to ditch her after seeing her in the flesh.

I agree that dinner is too much for an first time meeting. A casual drink or a coffee is way better.

If you asked her out, the least you could do is buy the first drink. There doesn't have to be a second if you don't want there to be.

May 3, 2012

If you think there's been some deliberate misrepresentation or deception that leads you to change your mind when you meet (eg old photos hiding a balding head on a man or a miraculously sudden weight gain on either sex or, and I've heard of this happening, the person who turns up just isn't the person from the photos) then, yes, politely call an end to things.

Depending on the circumstances (perhaps where there's no misrepresentation but you simply get a gut feeling that you don't fancy the other person) a polite way to deal with it might still be to have a short date - a coffee or a glass of beer - and call and end to it after the first drink. I hope you're not worried about the cost of a beer!

Cost of a beer is not an issue if I'm attracted to her. If there is no attraction I;m buying nothing

May 3, 2012

It is just as wrong for her to expect you to pay as it is for you to ditch her after seeing her in the flesh.

I agree that dinner is too much for an first time meeting. A casual drink or a coffee is way better.
If you asked her out, the least you could do is buy the first drink. There doesn't have to be a second if you don't want there to be.

We are both agreeing to meet from a OLD site so why should I be expected to pay if I don't feel an sexual attraction?

May 3, 2012

The problem has been that the girls I was not attracted to still expected me to pay for their stuff and I became irritated. I remember one girl ordered her stuff and sat down leaving me with the bill and made me upset afterwards.

so to avoid all of that in the future I rather just leave.

Yes, I remember that thread. You like to bitch about the horrible inconvenience of paying a few dollars for a date, even though you were the one who asked her out. Most people just aren't that cheap, so most women would be surprised to learn that money is the most important thing to you on a date. I don't know any guys who spend this much time and energy fuming about the money they spent on a date. It's just a few dollars, get over it. If you're so hard up that you can't even spare a few dollars, then stick to coffee dates and make it clear to the girl that she must pay for her own coffee.

Truthfully, you need to stop dating and work on yourself. Because throughout all of your threads, one thing is clear: you get irritated VERY easily. It doesn't take much to piss you off. If a girl says one wrong thing on the phone, you get angry. If a girl doesn't call you every day for at least a week leading up to the first date, you get angry. If a girl is not as pretty as you expected, you get angry. If a girl assumes that you will be a gentleman and offer to pay for the first date, you get angry. I wouldn't say this if it wasn't true, and I mean this in the sincerest way possible, but there is something wrong with you. Fix it.

May 3, 2012

Cost of a beer is not an issue if I'm attracted to her. If there is no attraction I;m buying nothing

Then you'll have to figure out a polite way of saying "this isn't going to work", or send her to the bar with your order!

I have had dates where my first impression wasn't good, but half an hour later I was having an enjoyable time. Do you always stick with your initial reaction? If not you could be throwing the baby out with the bath water.

May 3, 2012

We are both agreeing to meet from a OLD site so why should I be expected to pay if I don't feel an sexual attraction?

I don't know... because you are not a douche bag?

If i asked a guy for a drink,even from OLD, I would be happy to pay for both!! I ALWAYS offer to go dutch on a dinner bill... or to pay in full I really don't care. I never expect someone to pay for me because i'm a girl and they're a guy.

I happily pay for my friends coffee or someone im having a business meeting with... It's just POLITE.

If you have an issue with people expecting too much... set the boundaries first. Say in your message to them before meeting that you want to go dutch on the first date. Then there is no confusion or resentment.

May 3, 2012

You are only going to pay for dinner if you are going to hit it

If you really feel that way then you are going to single a longgggggg time.

It isn't okay to dump out of a date and not pay after you meet for dinner if you find yourself not attracted her..

Is your word not good ? a man is only as good as his word and if you agree to go on a date and pay then that is what you do.. otherwise you are not good to your word and you look less than a man.

May 3, 2012

It is just as wrong for her to expect you to pay as it is for you to ditch her after seeing her in the flesh.

I agree that dinner is too much for an first time meeting. A casual drink or a coffee is way better.
If you asked her out, the least you could do is buy the first drink. There doesn't have to be a second if you don't want there to be.

It would be nice if you could get a firm, honest answer towards the end of the date, as to whether they wanted to see you again. That way, you could go dutch when the tab comes! Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. It used to be you could invite a woman to a nice restaurant to try to impress her. Now, you risk spending a lot of money on a flake, or no interest from either side.

I have a first OLD date set up for tomorrow night. We're gonna meet first for coffee, then on to dinner if we both agree. I think that's a good idea.

May 3, 2012

Yes, I remember that thread. You like to bitch about the horrible inconvenience of paying a few dollars for a date, even though you were the one who asked her out. Most people just aren't that cheap, so most women would be surprised to learn that money is the most important thing to you on a date. I don't know any guys who spend this much time and energy fuming about the money they spent on a date. It's just a few dollars, get over it. If you're so hard up that you can't even spare a few dollars, then stick to coffee dates and make it clear to the girl that she must pay for her own coffee.

Truthfully, you need to stop dating and work on yourself. Because throughout all of your threads, one thing is clear: you get irritated VERY easily. It doesn't take much to piss you off. If a girl says one wrong thing on the phone, you get angry. If a girl doesn't call you every day for at least a week leading up to the first date, you get angry. If a girl is not as pretty as you expected, you get angry. If a girl assumes that you will be a gentleman and offer to pay for the first date, you get angry. I wouldn't say this if it wasn't true, and I mean this in the sincerest way possible, but there is something wrong with you. Fix it.

You forgot one

"If a girl texts me to let me know she arrived home safely and has no plans of seeing or talking to me again I GET ANGRY"

LOL

May 3, 2012

I don't know... because you are not a douche bag?

If i asked a guy for a drink,even from OLD, I would be happy to pay for both!! I ALWAYS offer to go dutch on a dinner bill... or to pay in full I really don't care. I never expect someone to pay for me because i'm a girl and they're a guy.

I happily pay for my friends coffee or someone im having a business meeting with... It's just POLITE.

If you have an issue with people expecting too much... set the boundaries first. Say in your message to them before meeting that you want to go dutch on the first date. Then there is no confusion or resentment.

A girl should be prepared to pay for her own drink and allow the guy to say..."I GOT THAT" That's how you would be able to tell if he likes what he sees

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So since men are expected to pay when they go on a 1st date is it ok for me to.....

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