Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 Ross, you might have posted all of this information in the past, but please remind me. You have an anxiety disorder? Or a social phobia of some type? And you are on meds for it? Have the meds been making things better for you? I understand why you'd be feeling overwhelmed. Keep it simple. Don't feel bad if dressing up like James Bond and carrying a briefcase doesn't feel doable to you - I don't think that would be a very good idea for almost anybody. But don't allow yourself to stay stuck in your "comfort zone." Obviously, that is NOT where you really want to remain. No matter how hard it is, you really need to take baby steps towards another way of functioning in the world. You CAN do it. Just take the baby steps. After a while, you will see that you have actually made some progress. I wonder if there is a support group that would be appropriate for you. If you could find one (ask your therapist?) you would get a lot of practice with social interaction there, and people help each other stay on course and hold one another accountable in groups like that. I can tell you really want to free yourself from what's holding you down so badly ... Yes, I suffer from social anxiety and depression, and I am on medication. To be honest I'm not sure if the meds are making things any better or not. Yeah, I'm not staying stationary in my comfort zone, I'm always pushing myself a bit. Very slowly but surely I am making progress. It'd be nice if things could move quicker, but this is the only pace I'm comfortable at. I would actually quite like to join a support group, and I did have a look online for any groups near me but I couldn't find any. I'll probably have another look.
betterdeal Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 What have you done today? Here's a tip: when I was at my lowest, my achievement for the day some days was brushing my teeth. I might not have got changed or washed, but I had brushed my teeth. It's your edge, your personal bests that matter. Positive thinking: whilst I don't believe we can polish a turd (nor even like when someone tries to) positive thinking can help you on your journey to expanding your edge and improving on your personal bests. Say positive things to yourself. Catch yourself being negative, sit down and consider ways to put whatever it is positively. There's a chart on your wall. It shows your progress. The line may dart up and down a bit, but if it is going up overall, that's where you want it to be. If it isn't, time to adjust things a bit. There's no such thing as failure: only feedback. Each mistake is a lesson waiting to be learnt. At the end of every day, think of three positive things you have done. Write them here if you like. 1
Feelin Frisky Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Alpha/Beta/Omega, it's all subjective nonsense because it relates fisrt and foremost to lower animals where there is no distinction or nuance--might makes right, meanest wins. When it comes to people you may think you can judge from certain indicators but it's subjective and not some kind of hard line written in DNA. What passes for "alpha" in junior high doesn't pass for alpha in your 30's. It's one of those made up gross generalities that makes for sensationalist debate and interesting little headlines but it's nonsense. Like the old joke about the young bull and the old bull, the young one says let's run down there a eff one of those cows. The old bull says likes walk down there quietly and eff them all. Who is alpha? Both. It's a moving target that changes with time and circumstances. Who's an apha woman--a mother of 18 or a mother of none who runs a company? Both. Or neither if you get rid of the artifice of such classifications.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 What have you done today? Here's a tip: when I was at my lowest, my achievement for the day some days was brushing my teeth. I might not have got changed or washed, but I had brushed my teeth. It's your edge, your personal bests that matter. Positive thinking: whilst I don't believe we can polish a turd (nor even like when someone tries to) positive thinking can help you on your journey to expanding your edge and improving on your personal bests. Say positive things to yourself. Catch yourself being negative, sit down and consider ways to put whatever it is positively. There's a chart on your wall. It shows your progress. The line may dart up and down a bit, but if it is going up overall, that's where you want it to be. If it isn't, time to adjust things a bit. There's no such thing as failure: only feedback. Each mistake is a lesson waiting to be learnt. At the end of every day, think of three positive things you have done. Write them here if you like. I uncloggged the drain outside. Yeah, I've tried replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, for many months, but I'm just not able to stick at it, I'll always forget. I'll try again though.
Eclypse Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 You could say I'm alpha in certain ways - running my own business, for example. But I've always been magnetic rather than assertive when it comes to romance. I've tried being more alpha with romance, too. But all that seems to attract are lazy men who want me to do all the work - which I am completely uninterested in. You very well could come across as an "alpha" woman, but that is attractive to many men. For myself it is attractive that you have your life in order and don't need to depend on anybody. However I don't think (for example) that we would be a good match up at this point as I am still 21 and finishing up university and don't have my own career yet, much less my own house etc. Different stages of life. A woman such as yourself would probably (I'm just guessing wildly here) be only interested in men in a similar position. That is: with a stable career, own place, not dependant on anyone financially etc. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I can't imagine you would want to date a guy like Ross, at least not in his current form.
betterdeal Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 I uncloggged the drain outside. Good stuff. What benefit do you get from that? Less smelly? No overflow onto the path? Yeah, I've tried replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, for many months, but I'm just not able to stick at it, I'll always forget. I'll try again though. Rome wasn't built in a day. Recall how you felt when I complimented you a few days ago: the same effect can be had by complimenting your self. The subconscious is very simple and hears things very simply. So don't berate yourself; don't call yourself negative names; do compliment yourself; do say things like "I'm good" when someone asks you if you want something you don't need (like when they ask if you want a coffee to go with whatever you buy). Keep a record of how you feel when good things happen, and when you feel good. Keep reinforcing your sense of goodness. Could be the smell of a new deodorizer in the car; the sound of birdsong in the yard, the feel of warm sheets on a cold morning. Get in touch with your senses and enjoy it. A happy you is an attractive you. One thing I did today was call and cancel an appointment, rather than text or email. The guy at the other end was grateful for the call, rather than me not showing or texting. We had a good chat, and a couple of laughs, parted on good terms. Beforehand I caught myself thinking "what if he gets irate?" then I thought, "not likely and not my problem if he does" and it went well in the end. Keep building your sense of self through positive thoughts and actions. It's the start of the journey. 3
dsw31 Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Hey Ross, I can't help you as much as I'd like to cause I'm apparently bat sh*t crazy but... Have you made that list of good qualities about yourself yet?
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 7, 2012 Author Posted May 7, 2012 Hey Ross, I can't help you as much as I'd like to cause I'm apparently bat sh*t crazy but... Where has that come from hun? Have you made that list of good qualities about yourself yet? Lol, not yet, haven't got around to it. But I did think about my good qualities last night.
dsw31 Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Where has that come from hun? Lol, not yet, haven't got around to it. But I did think about my good qualities last night. Oh, I am! (Just read any of my threads) But I'm glad you have atleast gave it some thought Ross.Hope you'll share it with us sometime soon
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Good stuff. What benefit do you get from that? Less smelly? No overflow onto the path? For some bizarre reason I enjoyed doing it, it was just something different from the norm I guess. I don't think it was actuallly overflowing onto the path in the first place, but it was definatley still blocked to an extent. I didn't manage to remove everything because I couldn't reach down far enough, and when I grabbed hold of a load of crap, it was basically like soil in water, and a lot of it would swish out of my hand when I tried pulling it out. So it's still quite blocked now, but not as much as what it was. Rome wasn't built in a day. Recall how you felt when I complimented you a few days ago: the same effect can be had by complimenting your self. The subconscious is very simple and hears things very simply. So don't berate yourself; don't call yourself negative names; do compliment yourself; do say things like "I'm good" when someone asks you if you want something you don't need (like when they ask if you want a coffee to go with whatever you buy). Keep a record of how you feel when good things happen, and when you feel good. Keep reinforcing your sense of goodness. Could be the smell of a new deodorizer in the car; the sound of birdsong in the yard, the feel of warm sheets on a cold morning. Get in touch with your senses and enjoy it. A happy you is an attractive you. One thing I did today was call and cancel an appointment, rather than text or email. The guy at the other end was grateful for the call, rather than me not showing or texting. We had a good chat, and a couple of laughs, parted on good terms. Beforehand I caught myself thinking "what if he gets irate?" then I thought, "not likely and not my problem if he does" and it went well in the end. Keep building your sense of self through positive thoughts and actions. It's the start of the journey. I'll try mate, I'll try.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Hey Ross, I can't help you as much as I'd like to cause I'm apparently bat sh*t crazy but... Have you made that list of good qualities about yourself yet? I'm kind, intelligent, funny, caring, loyal, good at a lot of things, and I think I might be very physically attractive. 2
betterdeal Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 That's the spirit! Walk with a spring in your step and a twinkle in your eye. Life is good.
dsw31 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I'm kind, intelligent, funny, caring, loyal, good at a lot of things, and I think I might be very physically attractive. Yes!!! You are all of those! Thanks for sharing that with us Ross. I was tempted to give you some hints yesterday, to get you started but, I wanted to see your point of view first. You nailed it! I sensed all of those qualities about you, just from what little I know of you so far. I would also add this to your list (just from what I can sense) I'm sure if I had had a chance to know you, I could add tons more! Trustworthy Considerate Genuine Sweet Truthful Polite Attentive Inquiring And most of all.. Capable! It's awesome that you're able to see those things in yourself! Keep believing it! It's all true! 3
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 That's the spirit! Walk with a spring in your step and a twinkle in your eye. Life is good. I was doing when I was out and about today actually.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Yes!!! You are all of those! Thanks for sharing that with us Ross. I was tempted to give you some hints yesterday, to get you started but, I wanted to see your point of view first. You nailed it! I sensed all of those qualities about you, just from what little I know of you so far. I would also add this to your list (just from what I can sense) I'm sure if I had had a chance to know you, I could add tons more! Trustworthy Considerate Genuine Sweet Truthful Polite Attentive Inquiring And most of all.. Capable! It's awesome that you're able to see those things in yourself! Keep believing it! It's all true! Aw thanks, that's very sweet of you.
FitChick Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Ross, they seem to always need people in hospitals and care homes for the old and sick. You'd be good at that because, unlike most people who see those sorts of people as annoying, you'd actually talk to them and cheer them up. What about a job at a veterinary hospital? Cleaning cages isn't difficult and you'd be a soothing presence to the scared, sick and injured animals. Do you live near any historic/tourist attractions? I wonder if you dressing up in a costume would take you out of yourself and you'd be able to interact with people if you were pretending to be someone else. Many actors are shy and can do the most outrageous things as "someone else." It would be fun, too! Hmm, that gives me the thought that maybe you should volunteer at a local panto, either painting scenery or being an extra or something. Good way to meet people with a common purpose. Do you like gardening? That's an idea for a job. Help some disabled or elderly person with their garden as a way to feel appreciated. Then as you become more confident, you can start tapering off the meds with doctor's supervision.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Ross, they seem to always need people in hospitals and care homes for the old and sick. You'd be good at that because, unlike most people who see those sorts of people as annoying, you'd actually talk to them and cheer them up. What about a job at a veterinary hospital? Cleaning cages isn't difficult and you'd be a soothing presence to the scared, sick and injured animals. Do you live near any historic/tourist attractions? I wonder if you dressing up in a costume would take you out of yourself and you'd be able to interact with people if you were pretending to be someone else. Many actors are shy and can do the most outrageous things as "someone else." It would be fun, too! Hmm, that gives me the thought that maybe you should volunteer at a local panto, either painting scenery or being an extra or something. Good way to meet people with a common purpose. Do you like gardening? That's an idea for a job. Help some disabled or elderly person with their garden as a way to feel appreciated. Then as you become more confident, you can start tapering off the meds with doctor's supervision. That's something I would like to do.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 Damn! I walked past this hot woman today and made eye contact with her, she smiled at me, but in a split second without thinking, I automatically looked away without smiling back, and then, straight away I realised that I didn't smile back, and I felt as though it must've looked rude. I always do this for some reason, I don't know why, but it's annoying. I wonder if it's shyness? I mean, if I consciously thought beforehand 'okay, if this woman smiles at you, smile back', I'm almost 100% that I wouldn't feel too shy to smile back, and that I would actually smile back.
betterdeal Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Practice, practice, practice! Smile at anyone. Make eye contact. Don't leer too much. Learn when to drop the eye contact as much as when to hold it. Be playful. Enjoy. 1
dsw31 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Damn! I walked past this hot woman today and made eye contact with her, she smiled at me, but in a split second without thinking, I automatically looked away without smiling back, and then, straight away I realised that I didn't smile back, and I felt as though it must've looked rude. I always do this for some reason, I don't know why, but it's annoying. I wonder if it's shyness? I mean, if I consciously thought beforehand 'okay, if this woman smiles at you, smile back', I'm almost 100% that I wouldn't feel too shy to smile back, and that I would actually smile back. Don't sweat it Ross! Just opening your eyes up & realizing she smiled at you, is great progress! Like betterdeal said, just keep practicing. Make sure you keep that list of good qualities somewhere where you'll see it everyday. Keep reminding yourself of these things! These things are true & you can do it! 1
betterdeal Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 One thing to learn is to stop thinking. React instead. When you're feeling bubbly and receptive you'll react in an engaging way. A marathon isn't won on the day - it's won in the days and weeks and months of training and practice beforehand. And it's not skill that wins but desire. If you want it, and enjoy the process, if you savour the victories and learn from the defeats, you'll be en route to your goal. Soon enough you won't be asking "where can I find women?" - instead you'll be asking "which one suits me?"
LondonS Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Where to meet Alpha females...? Hmm Join Investment Banking!!! male dominated but women in the industry are Alpha ....particularly try Trading floors especially fixed income, equities etc Goodluck
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 9, 2012 Author Posted May 9, 2012 Where to meet Alpha females...? Hmm Join Investment Banking!!! male dominated but women in the industry are Alpha ....particularly try Trading floors especially fixed income, equities etc Goodluck Yeah, plenty of power dressing women to be had in those places, lol. http://assets.flavorwire.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Dynasty_Rex-Features.jpg
LittlePrince Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Yeah, plenty of power dressing women to be had in those places, lol. http://assets.flavorwire.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Dynasty_Rex-Features.jpg I was always curious what the dark side of the skittles rainbow looked like.
dsw31 Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 This thread should not even be called "where to meet alpha females" It should be called "Ross is gonna get laid in 2012"
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