NeverDated Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I just haven't got the guts, honestly. Why are people so scary? We don't bite, honest. Do you create situations in your head of how it's going to end badly? The old man yells, the mom calls the police?
Imajerk17 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 (edited) Oh Ross, my heart just crushed for you! That's truley an awful thing for someone to say.Now I understand why you feel that way but...you shouldn't.Those girls were probably very immature & hate to say it but-stupid.Beauty is in the eye of the beholder & I'm sure plenty of girls will find you attractive.First though-you gotta keep working on improving yourself.Start off with the suggestions I gave you earlier.Next-make it a mission to just say "hi" to a stranger everyday.Even an old lady,lol.You gotta get comfortable talking to strangers.Eventually you'll get more comfortable & you can work your way up to starting bigger conversations. After reading this, I feel bad about the things I've said to you on here, both dsw and Ross. That wasn't cool of me, and I apologize. I just didn't know. I was shy and socially awkward as a teenager too. I had no social skills. I was bullied as a child. So I can definitely feel your pain. I decided though, that I wanted and deserved better. I lifted weights to get stronger. And I "made myself" go talk to people. I didn't have much self-esteem or confidence at the time, but I did know how much I wanted better in my life and that I was going to do whatever it took to get it. And I've come a long way. I've had some fantastic experiences with women and the rest of my life. I still have moments where I feel shy and socially awkward though. I learn each time from it but I don't think those moments will go away altogether. Then again, in life we're always growing right? Ross, here's the thing you gotta realize though. People respect and admire those who overcome obstacles (including and maybe even especially self-doubt and lack of confidence), MUCH more than they respect the glamour boys/girls for whom life was always pretty easy. dsw gave you some good advice. Meanwhile, have you considered going to the gym and lifting weights? Working out will make visible changes to your body that will make you more physically attractive to the opposite sex. Even better though, the hormonal response from doing heavy compound movements such as barbell squats and deadlifts will pump up your confidence and drive. That will definitely improve your confidence with women.... Edited May 4, 2012 by Imajerk17 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 What the hell is an alpha female? Never heard of that term. This is supposed to be a joke, right? The designation of "alpha" to a member of any social group (among many species) is not gender specific. Because you PUA guys have appropriated it to mean a guy who wears a funny hat in a night club and who likes to give backhanded compliments to insecure girls does not change its actual meaning. 1
dsw31 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 This is supposed to be a joke, right? The designation of "alpha" to a member of any social group (among many species) is not gender specific. Because you PUA guys have appropriated it to mean a guy who wears a funny hat in a night club and who likes to give backhanded compliments to insecure girls does not change its actual meaning. Oh no!! You fed the troll.Now there's going to be 9 more pages, of a 15 year old's insulting arguements to look forward to. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I just haven't got the guts, honestly. Yeah Ross, youre scared because youre worried about the result. Youre scared that they will laugh, or cringe and run, dont worry about it. You need the first step goal which is just to get used to walking up to them and saying hi. Youre not worrying about getting a number, or impressing her. They will look at you funny if you stare at them, but this is to be expected. You arent to care how she reacts. After you see that approaching them isnt a big deal, and its kinda fun, then you can start figuring out what to say to them after hello. By then, some of them will give you ideas anyway. This works, and its easy. But please say something other than youre too chicken to try it.
Star Gazer Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I really love how some women all of a sudden care about gender roles when it suits them. They scream about double standards and being independent but as soon as they have to take a risk to their ego all of a sudden it is not natural because they are female. There's a difference. Gender roles do (and arguably should) exist within relationships/families/reproductive roles, but not in the boardroom.
Star Gazer Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Ross, here's the thing you gotta realize though. People respect and admire those who overcome obstacles (including and maybe even especially self-doubt and lack of confidence), MUCH more than they respect the glamour boys/girls for whom life was always pretty easy. .... This, this, this. Courage and resilience are soooooo attractive. 4
oaks Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I just haven't got the guts, honestly. I know, but the worst that will happen is that you won't get her phone number and you'll come home alone, just like every other day. What do you have to lose?
zengirl Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 There's a difference. Gender roles do (and arguably should) exist within relationships/families/reproductive roles, but not in the boardroom. Except for reproductive roles (which are biologically inevitable) in families that choose to have children, I disagree. My role as a wife is no different or more pre-set than Hubby's role as a husband is. We crafted our own roles, as people are welcome to easily do today. If we were to have children (probably will not but we will probably foster and may adopt), our roles as parents would be individually defined as well. I don't think the roles of boyfriend/husband/father or girlfriend/wife/mother should be pre-set for anyone. Let everyone figure out their own partnerships. Obviously, this doesn't mean a woman can't be a SAHP or a man can't be a provider for his family, but you can flip those roles as well, or create entirely new ones. I don't think every woman who wants to be a SAH mom needs to rely on gender roles to do so --- she can simply want to do that!
Woggle Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Except for reproductive roles (which are biologically inevitable) in families that choose to have children, I disagree. My role as a wife is no different or more pre-set than Hubby's role as a husband is. We crafted our own roles, as people are welcome to easily do today. If we were to have children (probably will not but we will probably foster and may adopt), our roles as parents would be individually defined as well. I don't think the roles of boyfriend/husband/father or girlfriend/wife/mother should be pre-set for anyone. Let everyone figure out their own partnerships. Obviously, this doesn't mean a woman can't be a SAHP or a man can't be a provider for his family, but you can flip those roles as well, or create entirely new ones. I don't think every woman who wants to be a SAH mom needs to rely on gender roles to do so --- she can simply want to do that! Exactly. There is no reason a man can't do cooking or cleaning and there is no reason a woman can't be a breadwinner. I am actually a damn good cook myself.
zengirl Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Ross, I don't know what an Alpha female is. I think a relationship where any one person does ALL of the chasing is a poor one, personally, based on outdated models. Many women will give entrances or even ask guys out (I did). That doesn't mean they'll do so without signs of interests on the other side. At any rate, I don't know any place to particularly find them, though. Exactly. There is no reason a man can't do cooking or cleaning and there is no reason a woman can't be a breadwinner. I am actually a damn good cook myself. So is hubby. He does most of the cooking! I certainly can cook, but he enjoys it more and does it better, in many cases, so he cooks more often.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Your point is that flowers are stationary? Having a big sign saying "come in" on a flower is a flower chasing the attention of a bee. Exactly! You just keep confirming my point lol!
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 the flowers chasing the honey bees too haha flowers will never chase the honeybees. it will never happen. when i read these threads from guys saying how unfair it is they have to pursue a woman, i just think gee whiz did this guy not have a strong male role model? it would do these types some good to turn the computer off, put down the video games, turn off the porn, and go find a farm to work on for a year or so. that will man them up quick That wouldn't do me any good at all, it would just make me feel miserable, and have zero morale. It would do you good to stop having a sex life, stop doing the things you really enjoy in life, and to do a grueling miserable job everyday. No? Didn't think so.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Ross You gotta trust me on this one.Nothing bad can happen.Even if you get a little embarassed because, maybe they ignore you or maybe they do look you weird.It's not a big deal.Move on to the next stranger.Eventually someone will be happy to say hi back. I was painfully shy as a teen-I know how to over come this.Baby steps...just say hi,no expectations.It's just a baby step in your process of getting confident.Once you can feel comfortable doing this-I'll give you more pointers.If you're too scared to just say hi.You will be forever single.Forever jerking off to a computer screen...you don't want that...do you? Well it's certainly better than nothing. I don't think that the fact that I don't have enough guts to say hello to a complete stranger on the street necessarily means that I will forever be single.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Unfortunately, you have to. Not all guys have to approach women, but you do. And so do a lot of guys on this board, me included. So get used to it and do it. She talking about saying hi to strangers on the street.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Why are people so scary? We don't bite, honest. Do you create situations in your head of how it's going to end badly? The old man yells, the mom calls the police? No, I just cannot bring myself to make myself look like a weirdo in public places.
Pierre Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Ross You gotta trust me on this one.Nothing bad can happen.Even if you get a little embarassed because, maybe they ignore you or maybe they do look you weird.It's not a big deal.Move on to the next stranger.Eventually someone will be happy to say hi back. Not everybody is cut to do this "one after the other" move until one falls.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 After reading this, I feel bad about the things I've said to you on here, both dsw and Ross. That wasn't cool of me, and I apologize. I just didn't know. I was shy and socially awkward as a teenager too. I had no social skills. I was bullied as a child. So I can definitely feel your pain. I decided though, that I wanted and deserved better. I lifted weights to get stronger. And I "made myself" go talk to people. I didn't have much self-esteem or confidence at the time, but I did know how much I wanted better in my life and that I was going to do whatever it took to get it. And I've come a long way. I've had some fantastic experiences with women and the rest of my life. I still have moments where I feel shy and socially awkward though. I learn each time from it but I don't think those moments will go away altogether. Then again, in life we're always growing right? Ross, here's the thing you gotta realize though. People respect and admire those who overcome obstacles (including and maybe even especially self-doubt and lack of confidence), MUCH more than they respect the glamour boys/girls for whom life was always pretty easy. dsw gave you some good advice. Meanwhile, have you considered going to the gym and lifting weights? Working out will make visible changes to your body that will make you more physically attractive to the opposite sex. Even better though, the hormonal response from doing heavy compound movements such as barbell squats and deadlifts will pump up your confidence and drive. That will definitely improve your confidence with women.... I actually lift weights at home, although I've not been able to do it often enough since I'm not getting a decent quality of sleep every night.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Why are people so scary? We don't bite, honest. Do you create situations in your head of how it's going to end badly? The old man yells, the mom calls the police? Well some of you in this topic certainly bite.
dsw31 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Not everybody is cut to do this "one after the other" move until one falls. It's not like I'm telling him to rape everyone he meets! I'm just giving him a goal of smiling & saying hi to one new person a day. (I would have said 5 new people a day but we are taking it slow) 1
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Ross, here's the thing you gotta realize though. People respect and admire those who overcome obstacles (including and maybe even especially self-doubt and lack of confidence), MUCH more than they respect the glamour boys/girls for whom life was always pretty easy. I've been overcoming obstacles for a while now, just not on the dating front.
betterdeal Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Ah, now that's the million dollar question. I dunno mate, I've wondered for years what it is that I don't have. The best thing that I can come up with and what most other people will probably come up with is confidence, but most unconfident men still get women, so, surely it must be something else. You want to know what I think it is? Eyes. You have to open them. I bet you a pound to a penny there have been and are women who look at you and feel turned on. You just don't see it. You're a handsome, intelligent, kind, thoughtful, sensitive, decent guy. Remember that. Women can see it a mile off. Stand up tall, shoulders back, and open your eyes. I've had women take me back to their place and strip down to their underwear in front of me and I've not got the hint, so I know where you're at. And say to yourself how you feel from moment to moment. Verbalise what you're feeling. It helps. But first of all, open your eyes. 2
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 I know, but the worst that will happen is that you won't get her phone number and you'll come home alone, just like every other day. What do you have to lose? That I'll feel like an idiot and be sweating it about doing it again the next day.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Exactly! You just keep confirming my point lol! No he isn't.
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