Where to meet alpha females?

May 4, 2012

And some of you girls sound so boring. So you've NEVER, not even once approached or initiated anything with a guy? It's such a great feeling when you see a face of suprise/relief on a guy who didn't think you'd go over to him. Some of you ladies need to remove the stick out of your a**** and give it a try. Doesn't mean you need to approach guys all the time or even most. I totally agree it's great to see a guy to come to you, but there are situations where you can make the first move. You should try it at LEAST once. And when I say approach, I don't mean throw yourself at him like a crazed Justin Bieber fan...

Oh no, I approached men quite frequently, usually on nights where I just wanted to have conversation over drinks. I got to know a lot of very nice men this way. I got my fair share of turn-downs, although from reading LS I'm beginning to think I was either turned down much less often or I have really thick skin when it comes to rejection.

Thing is, I would never date a man who did not initiate in some way (moving to sit next to me, sending me a drink, etc.). He doesn't have to make the first verbal contact, but there does have to be some kind of initiation on his part. There was one exception, which was a dead end anyway - he was from another country and didn't approach me because he was feeling awkward about his English, even admitted as much after we'd been chatting for a while (sidenote: probably would have been a problem if I hadn't grown up in a similarly-ethnic family, so I was used to the accent). Had he been staying in the States for more than three days, I would have dated this man in a heartbeat, despite the fact he didn't initiate.

May 4, 2012

How do you 'balls up'?

Show some level of interest. You could just walk up and say hello, but then you have to have something to say after the hello's. Move to be next to her and align your body language as if you're already having a conversation. Send her a drink if you're at a bar. Ask her about a book she's reading. Comment on something random that just happened wherever you both are. Challenge her to a game of pool, or darts, or whatever is available.

For the most part, guys who initiate in some fashion get a free pass on a bit of social awkwardness. It's uncomfortable to approach a complete stranger and women understand that, so we expect stuttering, nervousness and benign foot-in-mouth comments. The way some people on LS talk, you'd think all women are cold-hearted harpies who will laugh in the face of any man who isn't Rico Suave. There are some women like this, but they aren't indicative of the female species as a whole. In fact, I was always turned off by guys who could cold approach then smoothly segue into a Hollywood perfect conversation - screams player/PUA.

May 4, 2012

Mind if I join you?

May 4, 2012

We don't have to approach. A woman can sit alone at a bar and be approached by virtue of existing. Refusing to approach really has little to do with wanting to protect the ego, and more to do with weeding out the spineless and/or self-entitled ones. If an attractive guy makes eye contact, but does not approach, I can safely assume he is either lacking testicular fortitude or feels he is so wonderful women must approach him.

I guess most women are spineless then since they always talk about being so scared to talk to a guy they fancy who hasnt noticed them.

Ross, an alpha female cannot exist. An alpha is somebody who their peers revere and wanna emulate. Female relationships do not work that way. Whenever a woman stands out above other women, other women will do everything in their power to cut that woman down. She will be despised be her peers. Therefore, an alpha female cannot exist. You'd be better off trying to find the Lochness Monster or Sasquatch. Unlike alpha females, those creatures exist.

How are men any different? Ever here of the term haters? Guys in the rap game who are from the hood came up with this term and use it the most.

Alpha females do exist. Maybe you need to expand your social circle. I have definitely encountered some women who indeed lead their pack and have their girlfriends look up to them.

Do you mean that thread by dwwj or whatever her name is? She's an attention whore. Her definition of an alpha female does not exist. The only women who chase guys aggressively are the unattractive kind.

Lolol...youd like to think so.

Hope you don't mean me? ima guy

He wouldnt know that because hed rather jump to the conclusion that only an attention whoring female could possibly think alpha women exist.

You are entirely missing the point. It isn't about any of that. You are projecting what it is to you onto women.

Women simply don't have to do it. It isn't even on the radar for women to do. If we are interested the most we have to do is flirt a little. There is no ego involved in it for women.

No ego involved? You sure? From all the threads I see here, and from all the women ive talked to, theres a lot of insecurity and ego going on when it comes to initial meetings with new guys. A lot of women are super insecure about dudes being into them.

Edited May 4, 2012 by kaylan

May 4, 2012

I'm guessing that people like myself would have a much better chance with an alpha female since they would come on to us and do the chasing.

I'm not about to go off and find some, but I was just curious, as it's nice to have it as an option.

Or then again maybe I would go off and find some, just to see if any would show any interest in me and ask for my number.

Where do you hang out?

I don't get this issue with the men that cannot meet women. The world is full of women that are dying to make a connection. I assume you guys look in the wrong places or try to date women above your league. In my adult life I have been single for a very short time. SOmeone like you shuld have no problems, however, I assume you look for women that are not a match.

The so-called alpha women are simply aggressive women that have a hard time waiting for a man to make the 1st move. There is nothing magical about them. Just remember, that you are nothing special if they put on the moves on you. This is their MO.

May 4, 2012

I guess most women are spineless then since they always talk about being so scared to talk to a guy they fancy who hasnt noticed them.

Yes, I agree. If a woman is interested in a man and wishes to initiate contact, but doesn't due to fear of rejection, she is indeed spineless. It works both ways.

May 4, 2012

Oh no, I approached men quite frequently, usually on nights where I just wanted to have conversation over drinks. I got to know a lot of very nice men this way. I got my fair share of turn-downs, although from reading LS I'm beginning to think I was either turned down much less often or I have really thick skin when it comes to rejection.

Thing is, I would never date a man who did not initiate in some way (moving to sit next to me, sending me a drink, etc.). He doesn't have to make the first verbal contact, but there does have to be some kind of initiation on his part.

This is my point. Some of this alpha people men and women approach a lot of people and eventually someone falls. They can get rejected over and over again and they keep trying. Thatis not truly alpha IMHO. That is more like the telemarketing approach.

I would not feel special if approached by a woman in this manner.

May 4, 2012

Where do you hang out?

I don't get this issue with the men that cannot meet women. The world is full of women that are dying to make a connection. I assume you guys look in the wrong places or try to date women above your league. In my adult life I have been single for a very short time. SOmeone like you shuld have no problems, however, I assume you look for women that are not a match.

A lot of these guys never go out.

May 4, 2012

I would not feel special if approached by a woman in this manner.

What she means though is that the guy initiates with something and she follows up verbally rather than wait for him to do all the work. ie she is way less passive (or not passive at all) than your average woman.

May 4, 2012

What do you believe other men do or have that you don't?

Ah, now that's the million dollar question. I dunno mate, I've wondered for years what it is that I don't have.

The best thing that I can come up with and what most other people will probably come up with is confidence, but most unconfident men still get women, so, surely it must be something else.

May 4, 2012

Show some level of interest. You could just walk up and say hello, but then you have to have something to say after the hello's. Move to be next to her and align your body language as if you're already having a conversation. Send her a drink if you're at a bar. Ask her about a book she's reading. Comment on something random that just happened wherever you both are. Challenge her to a game of pool, or darts, or whatever is available.

For the most part, guys who initiate in some fashion get a free pass on a bit of social awkwardness. It's uncomfortable to approach a complete stranger and women understand that, so we expect stuttering, nervousness and benign foot-in-mouth comments. The way some people on LS talk, you'd think all women are cold-hearted harpies who will laugh in the face of any man who isn't Rico Suave. There are some women like this, but they aren't indicative of the female species as a whole. In fact, I was always turned off by guys who could cold approach then smoothly segue into a Hollywood perfect conversation - screams player/PUA.

I can't. I'm not confident enough, too scared, too anxious, and I wouldn't have a clue as to what to talk about after saying hello.

I thought you ment balls up as in getting the confidence and courage.

May 4, 2012

Ah, now that's the million dollar question. I dunno mate, I've wondered for years what it is that I don't have.

The best thing that I can come up with and what most other people will probably come up with is confidence, but most unconfident men still get women, so, surely it must be something else.

Ross, it's belief that you're missing. In your mind there are guys who can "get women" and guys who can't, and your belief is that you're stuck in the second group.

May 4, 2012

Where do you hang out?

I don't get this issue with the men that cannot meet women. The world is full of women that are dying to make a connection. I assume you guys look in the wrong places or try to date women above your league. In my adult life I have been single for a very short time. SOmeone like you shuld have no problems, however, I assume you look for women that are not a match.

The so-called alpha women are simply aggressive women that have a hard time waiting for a man to make the 1st move. There is nothing magical about them. Just remember, that you are nothing special if they put on the moves on you. This is their MO.

I don't hang out anywhere.

When I was younger I used to hang out on the streets with plenty of friends, and I would sometimes go to the pub.

I wasn't trying for women that were out of my league, I was interested in around 95% or women. But nothing ever happened, I never even experienced anyone show any interest in me.

I got called ugly by women plenty of times though.

May 4, 2012

This is my point. Some of this alpha people men and women approach a lot of people and eventually someone falls. They can get rejected over and over again and they keep trying. Thatis not truly alpha IMHO. That is more like the telemarketing approach.

I would not feel special if approached by a woman in this manner.

I think you're confusing "alpha" with "outgoing." I was in sales for a good long while, so walking up to a stranger and saying hello was no big deal. I can only think of two or three instances where I did it because I thought "wow, he's hot." Most of the time, they just seemed like amiable people at a local bar and someone to have a conversation with.

May 4, 2012

This is my point. Some of this alpha people men and women approach a lot of people and eventually someone falls. They can get rejected over and over again and they keep trying. Thatis not truly alpha IMHO. That is more like the telemarketing approach.

I would not feel special if approached by a woman in this manner.

I would because at least it would mean that she must be sexually attracted to me to some extent. And I would then know that it 'is' possible for me to actually attract 'some' women offline.

May 4, 2012

Ross, it's belief that you're missing. In your mind there are guys who can "get women" and guys who can't, and your belief is that you're stuck in the second group.

This. Has nothing to do with "confidence" and has everything to do with the self-labeling.

I wasn't trying for women that were out of my league, I was interested in around 95% or women. But nothing ever happened, I never even experienced anyone show any interest in me.

I got called ugly by women plenty of times though.

I seriously have a hard time believing there are that many women out there who will call a man ugly to his face - I'm sure you're telling the truth, but the whole idea seems foreign to me. It would take some serious a-holery on a guy's part for me to start tossing around personal insults, and even then it would be more targeted to his behavior. The worst I've ever told a guy to his face was that he was too short, and that was only after he got extremely pushy/aggressive for a reason why I wouldn't go out with him.

May 4, 2012

Ross, it's belief that you're missing. In your mind there are guys who can "get women" and guys who can't, and your belief is that you're stuck in the second group.

I used to believe I could, but it never made any difference. I used to believe that I was very nice looking and that lots of women must find me attractive, only to never get any indication of this and to be turned down and called ugly by a lot of women, even women who were ugly themselves. And I'd think, 'How on Earth can they think I'm ugly? How can no women find me attractive?'

It was many years of this which lead me to believe that I must be very ugly. And only recently am I starting to believe again that maybe I am good looking.

Edited May 4, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

May 4, 2012

This. Has nothing to do with "confidence" and has everything to do with the self-labeling.

I seriously have a hard time believing there are that many women out there who will call a man ugly to his face - I'm sure you're telling the truth, but the whole idea seems foreign to me. It would take some serious a-holery on a guy's part for me to start tossing around personal insults, and even then it would be more targeted to his behavior. The worst I've ever told a guy to his face was that he was too short, and that was only after he got extremely pushy/aggressive for a reason why I wouldn't go out with him.

I wasn't just too my face, it was behind my back as well.

Where I was used to live, a LOT of people had an attitude.

May 4, 2012

I don't hang out anywhere.

When I was younger I used to hang out on the streets with plenty of friends, and I would sometimes go to the pub.

I wasn't trying for women that were out of my league, I was interested in around 95% or women. But nothing ever happened, I never even experienced anyone show any interest in me.

I got called ugly by women plenty of times though.

Oh Ross, my heart just crushed for you!

That's truley an awful thing for someone to say.Now I understand why you feel that way but...you shouldn't.Those girls were probably very immature & hate to say it but-stupid.Beauty is in the eye of the beholder & I'm sure plenty of girls will find you attractive.First though-you gotta keep working on improving yourself.Start off with the suggestions I gave you earlier.Next-make it a mission to just say "hi" to a stranger everyday.Even an old lady,lol.You gotta get comfortable talking to strangers.Eventually you'll get more comfortable & you can work your way up to starting bigger conversations.

May 4, 2012

Oh Ross, my heart just crushed for you!
That's truley an awful thing for someone to say.Now I understand why you feel that way but...you shouldn't.Those girls were probably very immature & hate to say it but-stupid.Beauty is in the eye of the beholder & I'm sure plenty of girls will find you attractive.First though-you gotta keep working on improving yourself.Start off with the suggestions I gave you earlier.Next-make it a mission to just say "hi" to a stranger everyday.Even an old lady,lol.You gotta get comfortable talking to strangers.Eventually you'll get more comfortable & you can work your way up to starting bigger conversations.

Thanks.

I'm okay with saying hi to a complete stranger if say they're behind a till and I'm buying something, or if someone has introduced me to someone.

But I just haven't got the guts to say it to a complete stranger who I'm walking past on the street, even an old person. It's just not what people do in the UK, and would be seen as very odd, at least where I live anyway.

May 4, 2012

I don't hang out anywhere.

When I was younger I used to hang out on the streets with plenty of friends, and I would sometimes go to the pub.

I wasn't trying for women that were out of my league, I was interested in around 95% or women. But nothing ever happened, I never even experienced anyone show any interest in me.

I got called ugly by women plenty of times though.

Thanks.

I'm okay with saying hi to a complete stranger if say they're behind a till and I'm buying something, or if someone has introduced me to someone.

But I just haven't got the guts to say it to a complete stranger who I'm walking past on the street, even an old person. It's just not what people do in the UK, and would be seen as very odd, at least where I live anyway.

Hmmm, I guess different places are different(I live in a big city)

But still-what's the worst that can happen? No one's gonna die!

It's just practice getting more confident.The more you do it, the more you'll realize, it's nothing.Just smile at someone passing by & say, "Hey there...how are you?"

They'll most likely say something like "good,thanks.You?" Then you say "good thanks" & keep going.If they look at you funny...who cares??You gotta stop caring what other people think.

May 4, 2012

Hmmm, I guess different places are different(I live in a big city)
But still-what's the worst that can happen? No one's gonna die!
It's just practice getting more confident.The more you do it, the more you'll realize, it's nothing.Just smile at someone passing by & say, "Hey there...how are you?"
They'll most likely say something like "good,thanks.You?" Then you say "good thanks" & keep going.If they look at you funny...who cares??You gotta stop caring what other people think.

I just haven't got the guts, honestly.

May 4, 2012

Hmmm, I guess different places are different(I live in a big city)
But still-what's the worst that can happen? No one's gonna die.
It's just practice getting more confident.The more you do it, the more you'll realize it's nothing.Just smile at someone passing by & say, "Hey there...how are you?"
They'll most likely say something like "good,thanks.You?" Then you say good thanks & keep going.If they look at you funny...who cares??You gotta stop caring what other people think.

This is good advice. =)

People in general find it difficult to talk to strangers. I have a policy that if anyone makes eye contact with me, I smile and say "hey, how's it going?". Old, young, men, women, doesn't matter. It has started an amazing number of random conversations, but you have to just go with it.

May 4, 2012

Ross

You gotta trust me on this one.Nothing bad can happen.Even if you get a little embarassed because, maybe they ignore you or maybe they do look you weird.It's not a big deal.Move on to the next stranger.Eventually someone will be happy to say hi back.

I was painfully shy as a teen-I know how to over come this.Baby steps...just say hi,no expectations.It's just a baby step in your process of getting confident.Once you can feel comfortable doing this-I'll give you more pointers.If you're too scared to just say hi.You will be forever single.Forever jerking off to a computer screen...you don't want that...do you?

Edited May 4, 2012 by dsw31

May 4, 2012

Thanks.

I'm okay with saying hi to a complete stranger if say they're behind a till and I'm buying something, or if someone has introduced me to someone.

But I just haven't got the guts to say it to a complete stranger who I'm walking past on the street, even an old person. It's just not what people do in the UK, and would be seen as very odd, at least where I live anyway.

I just haven't got the guts, honestly.

Unfortunately, you have to.

Not all guys have to approach women, but you do. And so do a lot of guys on this board, me included.

So get used to it and do it.

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