Helena21 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Hello everyone my name is Helena, i'm 22 and I'm new here... I'd like some of your time to tell me what you think about my 'tricky' situation. So here's the deal. There's this boy in my life that is into me for 15 years now... He's always been telling me how he feels about me and he always said he wanted to be with me but I never really gave him a chance even though I kinda liked him too. I can't really figure out why I didn't give him a try, something was just holding me back. A few days ago that I saw him again he still seemed very interested in me...like..very !! Plus he told me again, it wasn't plain flirting....It was love confession once again ! But......this time, the thing is he is in a relationship for over a year now. At first I thought I wouldn't do anything since a) I must have not given him a chance because maybe i'm not so into him and b) because of his girlfriend. However, I changed my mind, probably because the girlfriend situation got me intrigued. But still don't know whether I should do something with him... I mean I'm wondering if he wants something casual or if he has serious feelings for me as he always claimed he had. I fear that those feelings might have gone away now and he wants something casual, which is something i'm in no way interested in !!! Still, I can't believe that feelings of 15 years could have just gone away... I mean it's like a whole life ! What does he want in your opinion and what should I do ??
pteromom Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I would ignore him and would not contact him. He has a long-term girlfriend. If you really wanted him in that way, you would have gone there when you had the chance. But it seems you only want him now because you found out he has a gf, so you no longer have him dangling on the hook waiting for you. As far as him and what he wants, if he recently discovered that he truly loves you and wants to be with you, he will break up with his gf and come try with you instead. If he just wants something casual on the side while staying with his gf, he's not a guy you want to be with anyway. 1
nofool4u Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 If you have any sense, you'll tell him it isn't right that he is professing "love" to you while he has a girlfriend. It shows his immaturity and untrustworthiness. If you don't have any sense, void of scruples, and disgustingly don't care who you help hurt, then give him a whirl. Decide which kind of person you want to be. The former and someone that can be respected? Or the latter of which no decent man would want.
CarrieT Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 If you have any sense, you'll tell him it isn't right that he is professing "love" to you while he has a girlfriend. It shows his immaturity and untrustworthiness. ^^^ THIS ^^^ Like NoFool said - would you want a guy that would cheat on his girlfriend?
Author Helena21 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 no i wouldn't want that kinda guy for sure....but i believe that i'm special for him, you know ? he's been claiming all these years to have feelings for me...and i believe him. i just don't know if he has those feelings right now that he's in a relationship.
pteromom Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 .but i believe that i'm special for him, you know ? he's been claiming all these years to have feelings for me...and i believe him. i just don't know if he has those feelings right now that he's in a relationship. If he does, he'll be showing up on your doorstep. No action by you necessary. But don't even listen unless and until he breaks up with his gf.
Author Helena21 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 that's true... i won't be taking any action, i need to be sure that he's being serious first. i'm not just looking for some fun.
Leegh Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 The guy is only human, and since you rejected him, he found someone else. That's what most people would do. If sounds as if you were his first choice, then since he was rejected by you, he found someone else that he likes somewhat. Maybe you should go out with him and find out if there is any potential. If you reject him again, he may marry this other girl, as sometimes people marry for companionship or just to have someone, even if it isn't their first choice.
nofool4u Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 no i wouldn't want that kinda guy for sure Then there is your answer but Nope, no buts. He is an untrustworthy guy disrespecting some unsuspecting girl.
nofool4u Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 that's true... i won't be taking any action, i need to be sure that he's being serious first. i'm not just looking for some fun. Whether he is serious or not isn't the point. Point is he has a gf and is a dog.
Author Helena21 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 dog.......he's not a dog. i don't believe he would do that to his girlfriend with just anyone.
pteromom Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 dog.......he's not a dog. i don't believe he would do that to his girlfriend with just anyone. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just with you? So if you do end up winning him from her, hopefully he doesn't meet the one girl he'd to it to you with. Right now, he hasn't done anything wrong, so he's not a dog. But if he cheats on his gf with you, he's a dog.
NeverDated Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 dog.......he's not a dog. i don't believe he would do that to his girlfriend with just anyone. That's what they all say... Unless he breaks up with his girlfriend before you do anything, you can safely assume he'll cheat on you the same way he cheats on her. 2
Author Helena21 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 i don't think it's so safe to assume that... don't you believe there is this special person for everyone of us that has haunted us since day 1 and we always wanted to be with them ?
NeverDated Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 i don't think it's so safe to assume that... don't you believe there is this special person for everyone of us that has haunted us since day 1 and we always wanted to be with them ? No. We don't live in a fairy tale world, but we do live in a world where "love" is determined by a cocktail of hormones and life circumstances. If he is "in love" with his girlfriend, and will cheat on her because he finds himself "in love" with you, it is all but certain he will later find someone he falls "in love" with to cheat on your with. Add extra certainty to the mix because of his age. Men in their early 20s aren't exactly the best at taking into account the ramifications of their actions at any given moment. 1
Author Helena21 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 it's a different ''love'' with someone who you layed eyes on when you were 7 and different when you were 20.. there's history
NeverDated Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 it's a different ''love'' with someone who you layed eyes on when you were 7 and different when you were 20.. there's history Now all you're doing is justifying why this isn't a horrible decision. Hopefully the encounter will at least be enjoyable.
Author Helena21 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 again, i'm not saying i'm going to act on it or do anything while he's in the relationship...but if i just lay my cards on the table and let him know how i feel it's not such a terrible thing.
pteromom Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 it's a different ''love'' with someone who you layed eyes on when you were 7 and different when you were 20.. there's history EVERY "love" is different. The one he has with his gf is different than the one he has for you as well.
Author Helena21 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 yes of course i get that. but that doesn't mean he couldn't have an even better love story with me ( or worse for that matter, but you never know until you try )
pteromom Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 i don't think it's so safe to assume that... don't you believe there is this special person for everyone of us that has haunted us since day 1 and we always wanted to be with them ? NO. Not even a little bit. I think there is a pool of people who are compatible with each of us, physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually, intellectually, etc. It is our mission to wade through all the incompatible people and find one who is compatible. It's sweet that he's loved you all his life, and it is possible he is actually compatible with you and that you would have a successful relationship. But the fact that he's loved you all his life does not guarantee a successful relationship. You don't truly know each other until you know each other as lovers and share a life together. You can love someone and/or be on fire for them, and still be incompatible in fundamental ways that makes happiness with each other unlikely, if not impossible.
Author Helena21 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 u got me wrong, i'm not saying there's only one person for us out there...that is our soulmate and the only one that's right for us ! i mean that we all have this special one we always loved and that we'd die to be with them, no matter the circumstances- i know i would for my special one.
pteromom Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 u got me wrong, i'm not saying there's only one person for us out there...that is our soulmate and the only one that's right for us ! i mean that we all have this special one we always loved and that we'd die to be with them, no matter the circumstances- i know i would for my special one. Really? You'd DIE to be with someone else? No matter the circumstances? Interesting. I guess I am too old. LOL. 1
Author Helena21 Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 haha well i don't mean actually die of course ! but you know, if my eternal crush came to me and told me finally loved me, well i wouldn't think twice !
Author Helena21 Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 i don't think there's another woman who he's loved for 15 years...it's too much to forget..
Recommended Posts