cherries1 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Why does my heart feel so broken when I was the dumper? BU of a LTR like a month ago. Didn't "finish it" until 2 weeks ago. Now he's flirting with some other girl and knows I still check his profile so drops lyrics basically saying "I know you're reading this and I don't care if you hate me for flirting". I broke up with him because even though he's the person I shared with the most, knew me the best and understood me like ANYONE in this damn world, I didn't love him enough to want to keep dating. I feel so.. broken right now. Broken and lonely. Up until now I spent everyday wishing he knew how broken I felt and that I was sharing his pain but this he is doing now... I don't feel mad or relieved or anything. Just crying all day long.
Shinobi Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 You let him go, you dumped him. What do you expect??? To sit all day crying for you begging you to take him back??? I do not know your story but I feel great to hear this. You better value what you have on time.
Gulf-Delta Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Why does my heart feel so broken when I was the dumper? BU of a LTR like a month ago. Didn't "finish it" until 2 weeks ago. Now he's flirting with some other girl and knows I still check his profile so drops lyrics basically saying "I know you're reading this and I don't care if you hate me for flirting". I broke up with him because even though he's the person I shared with the most, knew me the best and understood me like ANYONE in this damn world, I didn't love him enough to want to keep dating. I feel so.. broken right now. Broken and lonely. Up until now I spent everyday wishing he knew how broken I felt and that I was sharing his pain but this he is doing now... I don't feel mad or relieved or anything. Just crying all day long. So even though you admit he's basically perfect for you, you dumped him? Do you hate your own happiness or something? Sounds like you messed up.
Author cherries1 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 So even though you admit he's basically perfect for you, you dumped him? Do you hate your own happiness or something? Sounds like you messed up. Even though he's so perfect I realized I didn't have the feeling, I don't know, that thing that makes you go "this is the person I want to be with". There were a lot of cons to the relationship involving monotony and taking me for granted at times but I feel crushed that I tried but couldn't love someone that I "liked" so much (as a friend I guess). Btw I think I misunderstand the term LTR: we were together for 2 years, I guess it's not long enough.
Author cherries1 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 You let him go, you dumped him. What do you expect??? To sit all day crying for you begging you to take him back??? I do not know your story but I feel great to hear this. You better value what you have on time. I don't want him to cry or be sad at all... It's just I feel really depressed because I could never hate him and he thinks I will, he thinks I'm happy and I am not, I'm really wrong.
Philosoraptor Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Oh come on now, give yourself a nice smack. Everyone wonders if they did the right thing and everyone hurts. You need to really look at things from the outside and understand that you ended things for a reason and that reason isn't going to suddenly change. He wasn't perfect because if he was you wouldn't have left. You do feel guilty for ending it and that is natural. The thing is that if you were honest and true to yourself you have zero to feel guilty about. You can feel sad for hurting him, but you did what was best beacuse you both need to have someone 100% there. Step back, take a breath, and let this feeling go. It is what it is right now and you knew what the future held enough to end things. You did nothing wrong by being true to yourself and no one will hate you for that... and no one who truly knows you will think you hate them. Right now emotions are flaring up and it's not abnormal at all. I'd suggest ditching facebook all together so these little things do not cause you any further pain. Dumpers hurt too and you are just causing your own pain by keeping tabs on him instead of focusing on your healing. 3
Jono85 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Oh come on now, give yourself a nice smack. Everyone wonders if they did the right thing and everyone hurts. You need to really look at things from the outside and understand that you ended things for a reason and that reason isn't going to suddenly change. He wasn't perfect because if he was you wouldn't have left. You do feel guilty for ending it and that is natural. The thing is that if you were honest and true to yourself you have zero to feel guilty about. You can feel sad for hurting him, but you did what was best beacuse you both need to have someone 100% there. Step back, take a breath, and let this feeling go. It is what it is right now and you knew what the future held enough to end things. You did nothing wrong by being true to yourself and no one will hate you for that... and no one who truly knows you will think you hate them. Right now emotions are flaring up and it's not abnormal at all. I'd suggest ditching facebook all together so these little things do not cause you any further pain. Dumpers hurt too and you are just causing your own pain by keeping tabs on him instead of focusing on your healing. my dad left my mom for half a year before they got married b/c he wasn't sure she was the one, and they're still married some 35+ years later. just some food for thought.
Philosoraptor Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 (edited) my dad left my mom for half a year before they got married b/c he wasn't sure she was the one, and they're still married some 35+ years later. just some food for thought. I'm not saying it doesn't happen but she is saying that she was not happy in the relationship. Between monotony and being taken forgranted are a ton of reasons to end things. I'm all for things working out and happy endings, but I'm more for being true to yourself. She has said how she feels and now there are games being played. In your parents situation though your dad did see enough issues to leave but when apart likely learned more about himself. It didn't suddenly happen and it took half a year. I am very happy for them, but he still wasn't happy enough to stay at that point. Learning about one's self is a long process and sometimes it works out well for a relationship and sometimes it doesn't. But just like your dad decided, I'm suggesting that she stays true to herself so she can figure out what she wants out of a partner... as right now it clearly is not him. Right now is dumpers remorse. I've been on both sides of it and in the end your loyalty must be to yourself right now to learn and mature. Right now she knows what route she wants to take and she has no reason to feel guilty for following it. Sometimes we hurt others and it does hurt a ton, but staying with someone out of pity or not wanting to hurt them is about the worst thing you can do for them. Edited May 4, 2012 by Philosoraptor 1
Author cherries1 Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Oh come on now, give yourself a nice smack. Everyone wonders if they did the right thing and everyone hurts. You need to really look at things from the outside and understand that you ended things for a reason and that reason isn't going to suddenly change. He wasn't perfect because if he was you wouldn't have left. You do feel guilty for ending it and that is natural. The thing is that if you were honest and true to yourself you have zero to feel guilty about. You can feel sad for hurting him, but you did what was best beacuse you both need to have someone 100% there. Step back, take a breath, and let this feeling go. It is what it is right now and you knew what the future held enough to end things. You did nothing wrong by being true to yourself and no one will hate you for that... and no one who truly knows you will think you hate them. Right now emotions are flaring up and it's not abnormal at all. I'd suggest ditching facebook all together so these little things do not cause you any further pain. Dumpers hurt too and you are just causing your own pain by keeping tabs on him instead of focusing on your healing. Thank you so much, I always love your answers since they always really hit the nail. Many people I've told about this tell me "you want to go back to him?" and I always say "no", because I know that it wouldn't work. So I'll try my hardest at focusing in what's really important right now: my career, and making friends so I feel less lonely. It's hard but I think I'll manage to do it. Everyone does eventually
jennisfora Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 when i read this, you sound confused, and you aren't sure what you want. i get the feeling you are very young. it is painful hurting someone. perhaps he isn't the one for you, but to me, i can detect uncertainty. i will say he isn't the one for you right now. maybe you need to experience some more to see what it is that you do want, and if he is still around, and has matured too, you never know, if not, that's okay too, there will be someone else that fits you when the time is right. i don't see monotony as a good reason to leave though. it takes two, and unless you have discussed it and tried to add spontaneity, boredom will set in in every relationship, or most at around the two year mark. i left someone once partly for that reason. but, we did try, and he knew that it was a problem, we just spent way too much time together which meant at the end of the day we had nothing to talk about, so we talked less and less. he was content with things, but i was going crazy with boredom. we tried to reignite things a few times, and both times he eventually returned to his very routine steady lifestyle. so, hard to say what is right or not, just know that it is never an easy decision, and it is normal to second guess yourself. for the record, i did leave that guy, i was mid twenties at the time, 24 or 25 i think, and i did it the wrong way, i had an emotional affair, broke up with him, and then got with the other guy, who was his opposite in every way. the passive guy was very nice, so as you can imagine, once i saw the other guy without the false mask, he was very not nice (verbally abusive.) so, better to break up before such things happen. *hugs*
mtcrsx28 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 sorry to hear your going through this but i feel the same way currently although i have not broken up with her yet... im still very unsure what to do
Author cherries1 Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 when i read this, you sound confused, and you aren't sure what you want. i get the feeling you are very young. it is painful hurting someone. perhaps he isn't the one for you, but to me, i can detect uncertainty. i will say he isn't the one for you right now. maybe you need to experience some more to see what it is that you do want, and if he is still around, and has matured too, you never know, if not, that's okay too, there will be someone else that fits you when the time is right. i don't see monotony as a good reason to leave though. it takes two, and unless you have discussed it and tried to add spontaneity, boredom will set in in every relationship, or most at around the two year mark. i left someone once partly for that reason. but, we did try, and he knew that it was a problem, we just spent way too much time together which meant at the end of the day we had nothing to talk about, so we talked less and less. he was content with things, but i was going crazy with boredom. we tried to reignite things a few times, and both times he eventually returned to his very routine steady lifestyle. so, hard to say what is right or not, just know that it is never an easy decision, and it is normal to second guess yourself. for the record, i did leave that guy, i was mid twenties at the time, 24 or 25 i think, and i did it the wrong way, i had an emotional affair, broke up with him, and then got with the other guy, who was his opposite in every way. the passive guy was very nice, so as you can imagine, once i saw the other guy without the false mask, he was very not nice (verbally abusive.) so, better to break up before such things happen. *hugs* Thank you for your post! Yes I'm very young, I'm turning 20 this year, and I kinda got GIGS too but I think GIGS is just an excuse for not facing your true feelings. Maybe I'm wrong and when time passes I realize it was a mistake. Let's just let time pass, I guess.
jennisfora Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 (edited) i wouldn't call it a mistake, either way, better to break up now, i just don't think it is working for you. nothing wrong with that. *hugs* you got a lot of years to learn what you want, i dont think you can really know at 20. put it this way, i am now friends with the nice guy, and i know now that we were never a good match, romantically. it wouldnt have worked in the end. we were always better as friends, i just didn't know what i was doing. so, it wasnt a mistake really, just wished i had handled it better, or had been more aware of what i needed, but some of these things you can't know until you have experienced it. Edited May 4, 2012 by jennisfora 1
Author cherries1 Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 sorry to hear your going through this but i feel the same way currently although i have not broken up with her yet... im still very unsure what to do Hi! I'm sorry we're both going through this. If you decide opening a thread please send me a link, I wouldn't mind reading your story and giving my 2 cents!
leoc1973 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 OK so be honest with us... You broke up with him because there is some other guy that is making you feel "special" and you figured he would beg and cry and then you could try out the new guy and go back to the other guy later if you wanted. But he threw a monkey wrench in your plans because he is going to go after other girls now. Am I right?
Author cherries1 Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 OK so be honest with us... You broke up with him because there is some other guy that is making you feel "special" and you figured he would beg and cry and then you could try out the new guy and go back to the other guy later if you wanted. But he threw a monkey wrench in your plans because he is going to go after other girls now. Am I right? Not at all. I broke up with him because I realized I was forcing myself to go out with him (I'll admit that I fighted the thoughts for a long time, but finally confronted them when I started kinda crushing on someone who I have no chances with atm). All I wished for was feeling love for him, since he's so perfect for me. It's not that I don't want to love him. It's just I tried but I can't and it's killing me in the inside because I thought time would make me want him again but I am very confused about whether I should try and move on or what. I wouldn't want to date someone else then dump them then consider him an option again. That's stupid: if I move on, there's no way I would go back to him if I didn't start truly loving him: I don't know if that's possible anyway. I know he is flirting and stuff to get over me, it's completely natural and everyone does it sometime. I'm not mad about him flirting. I'm mad about myself for wanting to love him and not being able to. I feel so stupid and ungrateful about the gift of having someone so suitable for you and not being able to appreciate them.
mtcrsx28 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Hi! I'm sorry we're both going through this. If you decide opening a thread please send me a link, I wouldn't mind reading your story and giving my 2 cents! yeah this situation is a hard one to deal with... here you go http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/324876-feeling-confusion-towards-my-girlfriend
mtcrsx28 Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Not at all. I broke up with him because I realized I was forcing myself to go out with him (I'll admit that I fighted the thoughts for a long time, but finally confronted them when I started kinda crushing on someone who I have no chances with atm). All I wished for was feeling love for him, since he's so perfect for me. It's not that I don't want to love him. It's just I tried but I can't and it's killing me in the inside because I thought time would make me want him again but I am very confused about whether I should try and move on or what. I wouldn't want to date someone else then dump them then consider him an option again. That's stupid: if I move on, there's no way I would go back to him if I didn't start truly loving him: I don't know if that's possible anyway. I know he is flirting and stuff to get over me, it's completely natural and everyone does it sometime. I'm not mad about him flirting. I'm mad about myself for wanting to love him and not being able to. I feel so stupid and ungrateful about the gift of having someone so suitable for you and not being able to appreciate them. im more or less feeling the same exact way i feel that my girlfriend is PERFECT for me everything i could want but i dont feel that type of LOVE all the time i feel it on and off some days more than others. i had felt like this about her before and i attempted spending time away from her and hanging out with my friends and doing other things i was interested in and the feeling went away and i felt truly inlove and happy with her again! But unfortunately i went back to spending every second with her and once again this lack of feeling inlove came back.. i cant bring myself to break up with her though because one moment i feel happy and have hope for us and the next i feel that i need to just "do the right thing and break up with her" i just keep thinking in circles about this topic for weeks now. Did you ever feel REALLY INLOVE and then one day did it just disappear?
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