Ex Boyfriend wants to be friends..after mother dies...is there hope..or the end?

[TeeD]

....We met when he was going through a devorce...5 years ago.it was amazing and magical....i didnt open up to him too much due to past relationships...i wanted to know if he was worth me doing so...i was not ready for a relationship....he was everything a woman would want....and i could tell through his actions and words he really did like me...i wanted to travel...so i told him im travelling for a year...we where not in a relationship...did see eachother for 4 to 5 months...i had a little dought with his ex wife being here and there....and still legally married to her so i from the start it didnt feel right...felt like the 3rd person...as much as i wanted to be with him...thought its best not to get into it to relationships with this hanging over his head....good time for me to travel...and him to sort out what he needs to do.....

 

A year later i return.....he is still there...single...and has even more passion for me....confesses he wants nothing and no one else.....i felt happy in that moment...my head was clear....and he had devorce papers....it felt right.....we where together in a relationship for two years.....it was amazing...of corse we had our dark days....mostly on his side tho....his character is very confident and loves to flirt.....he would flirt in front of me with other woman...but i trusted him cause i was right there and it didnt mean anything.....he did have a few occasions which i did blow up......browsing on the internet on dating sites......but not putting himself as single tho...it confused me so much....he was so embarrassed and would never ever think of it again.....he didnt do nothing like that after.....think he knew that i dont take any nonsense and would be gone if he acts this way......

 

I have never been in love.....and i finaly fell in love....such a beautiful feeling...he treated me like a queen and always complimented me.......so much in common...could not spend a moment apart....he always said he loved me....a good healthy relationship....i was finaly in a happy place.

 

Behind all this....his mother had cancer for a while....we both saw her often...he was very very close to her....she raised them all on her own.....i lost my mother too at 16....it was tragic...i was there for him....and he seemed to except what was happening...i loved her so much too...wonderful woman...

 

Our relationship was coming to two years......he moved back into his mothers house to be close...as she was getting worse......i would visit every so often...but gave him alot of space to spend time with his mum.......but letting him know i was there......then weeks went on she got worse and he became more distant.....i know its natural and gave him alot of space...still called at least once a day to hear his thoughts.......he also looses his job at this time......his mum passes after 3 months....everything seemed to crumble....including our relationship.

 

3 weeks after his mothers death......he mentions he can not be in a relationship with me anymore....because he feels like he is not going to be the man i deserve in his state....he is grieving i know.....but it hurt me so much for him to throw all we had away.....i want to give him space and respect his wishes because i love him...and everyone grieves differently.....as for most men i think they dont like to show thier week vunrable side to their partners....i cried for days.....i asked him if there would ever be a day when we would be together again.......he replied saying he doesnt think he wants a relationship ever, or marriage or any emotional feeling towards a woman...my heart sunk.

 

I am a strong person i respected his wishes.....i moved out of the town....started a new job... Also herd he was offered a job aswel.....its been 1 year and 7 months now......every two weeks from the time we broke up i would message him to see if hes ok....no phone calls unless he calls me........we met up every month....i would go see him....stay for the weekend...or more....he always till this day seems so excited to see me....and we just litrally hang out.......like friends.....best friends......in the beginning there was sex involved but it felt weird......like he was not there emotionaly.....so we stopped having sex for about a year and 4 months......we just hold eachother......i dont confront him at all....about what he wants...ive tried dating....and it all flopped cause all i think about is him......found out he kissed a work colegue a while back and that killed me.....but he is only a man after all.....men have needs....but i was upset it wasnt with me.....he questions alot about who im dating.....i dont give him alot of information...His grieving is stable.....hes living with his siblings now......keeping the family together.....lost alot of weight.....become very very sarcastic and a little rude in character....but still the man i know and love...And he goes out his way to meet me....or says im more than welcome to come round anytime....

 

excuse me ive seemed to have gone on a bit......i like to be clear....

 

To conclude i confronted him......as to where is his mind at now........is he still in love with me....does he see a future with us.....is he seeing anyone else...so on....

 

He says he still loves me.....cares for me.....but still doesnt want a relationship.....probably for years and years......doesnt want a happy marriage with anyone or kids in the future.....again it hurts...but my heart feels stronger now.....because i know he is in a dark place....but what im confused and afraid of is.....do i need to just move on and forget about ever getting back with him?.....ive met a few wonderful guys who i have not given the time of day.......because of my love for this man.....am i risking chances of being with someone else?........when really all i want to be with is him......Its emotianaly becoming a little draining.....i have been patient....and i know i could be a little more patient..

 

.....am i wasting my time?.......or should i hold on a little while....i can see it in him....with his actions and comments.....spend alot of time together.....but he wants to be single.

 

Apologies for the long text/spelling.

 

Any feedback would be most grateful.

 

Thank you for reading.

[BewitchedandBothered]

He doesn't want a relationship for years and years he says? Waste of your time.

[geegirl]

....He says he still loves me.....cares for me.....but still doesnt want a relationship.....probably for years and years......doesnt want a happy marriage with anyone or kids in the future......

 

It's amazing when someone tells you point blank what their intentions are, the heart almost blinds itself from the truth.

 

What actions and comments lead you to believe that he can change and may want a life a with you? You believe what you don't see but question what you do see or rather hear. When someone tells you what you don't want to hear, LISTEN.

 

He may love the comfort of you and the attachment he still has with you but it's all NOT ENOUGH to give you anything more. He "loves" you on HIS TERMS. If you want to be with him on his terms, then by all means stay by his side. Don't ever expect change. He is being honest with you for a reason. If you decide to stay, he is not accountable for not being able to give you the life you want because it was your choice to be with someone who told you point blank he cannot give you what you want.

 

If a relationship, marriage and kids is what you want then seek it with someone that shares the same life goals and dreams as you do. You don't seek it or wait for it from someone who tells you they don't want the same things you do.

 

Yes, it's a waste of time.