daisy088 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I keep reading and hearing that I need to accept the relationship is over. While I agree it is probably over- my mind keeps clinging to (the very minimal, if not nonexistent) reasons to hope he may come back. IE its GIGS, he will regret it, he will miss me, etc. Its been more than 2 weeks now. Why can I not seem to accept that its actually done. What have you all done to accept its the end and to start your own life independent of your ex?
darkmoon Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 stop living in the past, you might meet somebody who is not a waste of time, you could grow your hair for fun, or do something else fun
Gulf-Delta Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Despite what people say, it isn't instant. It's not like you just get over it and just say "Hey, I'm gonna call X and Y and we're gonna go chill tonite." Because if the breakup is fresh, you're probably not gonna be very much fun to X and Y. Accepting it's over is something that gradually happens as time goes by. Caring, living in the past, etc, gets chipped away little by little each day. Give yourself time to think everything through.
jennisfora Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 it is going to take more than two weeks to accept that it is over. your whole reality is different, and accepting that things will never be the same, and they won't even if he/she were to come back, is something that takes time. i am still struggling, and we broke up in january. i have accepted the new reality, that it is what is right now, and that what was, will never be again, even if a recon were to happen. the past is gone. the breakup will change you. how you see him, how you see yourself, how you see relationships in general. what happens to us, changes us, and how we behave. so, it won't be what it was, ever again. you will accept it eventually. i have had to mentally drag myself kicking and screaming to the realization that no matter what happens, that time is gone forever. *hugs*
BewitchedandBothered Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I keep reading and hearing that I need to accept the relationship is over. While I agree it is probably over- my mind keeps clinging to (the very minimal, if not nonexistent) reasons to hope he may come back. IE its GIGS, he will regret it, he will miss me, etc. Its been more than 2 weeks now. Why can I not seem to accept that its actually done. What have you all done to accept its the end and to start your own life independent of your ex? Hi, Daisy; acceptance takes awhile and it depends n the person. It took me longer because I have come to realize that my ex is Borderline personality. I was able to just accept it and a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It's very new for you and time will help you through it. It will happen, though:)
Leegh Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 It may not be over since it's only been two weeks. If after two or three months you haven't heard from him, it's probably over at that point. Two weeks is not enough time for him to "feel" the loss of you. Women can think and feel at the same time; men cannot. It takes them longer to feel the loss in a relationship than a woman. It's just simply the differences in the brain.
Forevermore Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Daisy, I'm having the same problem. I find myself not wanting to be home because everything reminds me of him, so I've started spending a lot more time on myself, and with my dog. I take her to the lake for a walk or a picnic... or I go to the gym and take my frustrations with him out on some piece of unsuspecting exercise equipment. It hasn't gotten any easier really. The littlest thing that reminds me of him sets me off into a pool of tears and shakes. To the point where I've honestly thought it may do myself some good to commit myself to a hospital for 72 hours just to get away from all of it. Maybe I've lost my mind, maybe I've gone crazy. Or maybe, just maybe... I finally allowed myself to truly love someone, and it bit me in the butt. Everyone says it gets easier... my best advice is to find something new to pass the time. That's what I'm trying to do.
Leegh Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Daisy, I'm having the same problem. I find myself not wanting to be home because everything reminds me of him, so I've started spending a lot more time on myself, and with my dog. I take her to the lake for a walk or a picnic... or I go to the gym and take my frustrations with him out on some piece of unsuspecting exercise equipment. It hasn't gotten any easier really. The littlest thing that reminds me of him sets me off into a pool of tears and shakes. To the point where I've honestly thought it may do myself some good to commit myself to a hospital for 72 hours just to get away from all of it. Maybe I've lost my mind, maybe I've gone crazy. Or maybe, just maybe... I finally allowed myself to truly love someone, and it bit me in the butt. Everyone says it gets easier... my best advice is to find something new to pass the time. That's what I'm trying to do. Things do get easier over time, even though going through a break-up is extremely hard. I've always wondered why a person can fall in love almost instantly, yet take so long to fall out of love. I guess it's the chemicals in the brain. On another note, eliminating or greating reducing caffeine can help a lot; as caffeine can magnify problems.
Author daisy088 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 These are all good suggestions. Forevermore, Im so sorry youre going through this too. Its probably one of the worst feelings in the world. Leegh- I keep hoping that is the case, however he has not said a word to me since we split that I did not initiate. He had a friend approach the other night at a mutual friend's birthday party to tell me "to be nice to him and to go say hi and talk to him if I see him out rather than ignore him" And also had a friend tell me "congratulations on my award." How childish and immature? He is hurt and upset with me and broke up with me very suddenly and impulsively. He told me the other night that I am not the girl he wants to marry (despite his saying I was in the past), and that he doesnt want to get back together (amongst several other pretty cruel things before storming off). I believe him and am re-resuming NC. I do not think he loves me even though for a year+ at least 25 others have pointed out that he always seemed a little more in love with me than I was with him. We were best friends, I treated him well, stuck by his side through anything, and told him I loved him everyday. I believe it is over. Some things which lift me out of the really bad times are calling a friend who knows me very well, going on a walk outside/being outside in general is very soothing, taking a long walk, buying or wearing a nice new outfit that makes me feel confident, lighting candles and having A glass of wine (just one) and watching a movie. I am trying to do nice things for myself. Still, that feeling keeps coming and going and I am having a hard time accepting it. I suppose I probably do just need time.
Leegh Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 There is a good book entitled "Getting to I Do" by Dr. Pat Allen, which goes into a lot of detail about the type of situation that you're in; break-ups , what to do, what not to do, how to cope, etc. The book was written in the 90's, but it is very good. You can probably buy a used copy on Amazon, if you're interested.
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