Househusbands

[SarahRose]

Just wondering how many people posting in this thread are in management at any level?

 

I'm at the executive level in software engineering.

 

It did take a couple decades to get to this level.

 

Something that many of you seem to be missing is that there aren't a whole lot of women dropping out of the workforce for long periods of time these days. The type of women who drop out for years would have never made it to the top levels anyway.

 

I have seen plenty of 20 something women these days move up into management levels quite quickly. When they do have children, they usually aren't gone for more than a year.

 

Some people men and women just have no desire to move to the very top levels. It isn't for everyone. Management isn't for everyone.

 

There are plenty who are content to be development managers, project managers, business analysts, or some type of specialist their entire careers. I know plenty of men and women in their 50s who are still hands on doing development work.

 

Househusbands, I honestly don't know too many. The ones I do know really aren't househusbands but just lazy sods who don't want to work.

[Star Gazer]

Sarah: I've observed several high-ranking career women over a couple different offices leave the workforce entirely upon becoming a mother, because motherhood and parenting were more important to them than their career, and their husband's salary could cover the entire family comfortably.

 

All of these women were in their 30's, and in various ways expressed that they felt like they had successfully checked off the "career box" and didn't need their career anymore to define who they were.

 

I can see myself possibly feeling the same way in the future, so long as my SO's salary could comfortably provide for the entire family.

[threebyfate]

Just wondering how many people posting in this thread are in management at any level?

Been at the top levels in management and sold my piece of the partnership to go self-employed for a number of reasons of which one was to set up to have a family. I wanted the best of both worlds which is what's happening.

[SarahRose]

Sarah: I've observed several high-ranking career women over a couple different offices leave the workforce entirely upon becoming a mother, because motherhood and parenting were more important to them than their career, and their husband's salary could cover the entire family comfortably.

 

All of these women were in their 30's, and in various ways expressed that they felt like they had successfully checked off the "career box" and didn't need their career anymore to define who they were.

 

I can see myself possibly feeling the same way in the future, so long as my SO's salary could comfortably provide for the entire family.

 

I have seen that happen a few times. They weren't that serious about their careers. They were just trying to prove something until they mated off with a guy who could provide for them and then they bailed.

 

Some of them come back after the kids are in school all day. It probably isn't that common in a male dominated profession like mine. I remember one woman who had been at a company and then left to have kids and then she came back but she only lasted a year before she was sacked. She would leave work if a kid had a sniffle. She made it clear that work wasn't a priority at all and it showed.

 

So it really does depend on the people involved and what is important to them in life. "Studies" fail to mention reasons of people simply not being interested in becoming an executive and secondly people not being qualified as reasons for not being at the top.

[SarahRose]

Been at the top levels in management and sold my piece of the partnership to go self-employed for a number of reasons of which one was to set up to have a family. I wanted the best of both worlds which is what's happening.

 

 

I found it easier to be an employee than to be self-employed when the kids were small.

 

Maybe that is because I tend to go overboard with the hours being self-employed.

 

Of course everything is easier now that the kids are grown.

[threebyfate]

I found it easier to be an employee than to be self-employed when the kids were small.

 

Maybe that is because I tend to go overboard with the hours being self-employed.

Did you have domestic help (nanny and someone to take care of the lions share of the domestic work)? If not, I can see why being a self-employed mother would be very challenging.

 

Of course everything is easier now that the kids are grown.

Of this, I'm sure.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I see no problem with househusbands! I think it's great that men have the option to do this if they want. I know of one family where the wife manages the IT department for a top bank and her husband is at home taking care of the kids. Works for them.

 

Not every one is the same, capable of the same thing, neither should we all be capable of the same exact thing or have the same strengths.

[Star Gazer]

I have seen that happen a few times. They weren't that serious about their careers. They were just trying to prove something until they mated off with a guy who could provide for them and then they bailed.

 

Some of them come back after the kids are in school all day. It probably isn't that common in a male dominated profession like mine. I remember one woman who had been at a company and then left to have kids and then she came back but she only lasted a year before she was sacked. She would leave work if a kid had a sniffle. She made it clear that work wasn't a priority at all and it showed.

 

So it really does depend on the people involved and what is important to them in life. "Studies" fail to mention reasons of people simply not being interested in becoming an executive and secondly people not being qualified as reasons for not being at the top.

 

I can assure you that I have always been and still am very serious about my career, and have moved up the latter because I wanted to. I'm not just biding my time until I find a decent man to father my children. But seeing as I haven't had children yet, I can't say that my priorities won't change once I've brought another life into this world and am building a family. In fact, I think it's safe to assume that if you're priorities don't change a little bit, that you probably shouldn't even be a parent.

[SarahRose]

Did you have domestic help (nanny and someone to take care of the lions share of the domestic work)? If not, I can see why being a self-employed mother would be very challenging.

 

Of this, I'm sure.

 

Not back then. I wanted to but my husband wouldn't allow it.

 

When I moved overseas, I finally got a gardener and housekeeper even though it is just me and my current husband now.

[wwwjd]

Have you ever been a SAHM?

 

I'm male, so no, I've never given birth to my kids, connected on that level and wanted to raise them. But, as others have stated, everyone is not rotting at it. But it IS very hard work. But if someone doesn't want to wear that hat, why have kids? Kids are a choice, not a requirement.

 

People's levels or whatever the question was:

I've done a bunch of management, got bored, moved back into tech where the action is.

[wwwjd]

I think it's great that men have the option to do this if they want.

 

Not really an option as it is random luck of the draw. Not being sexist, just how things are balanced out in our current time. It is more of an "option" for women at this time.

[SarahRose]

I'm male, so no, I've never given birth to my kids, connected on that level and wanted to raise them. But, as others have stated, everyone is not rotting at it. But it IS very hard work. But if someone doesn't want to wear that hat, why have kids? Kids are a choice, not a requirement.

 

People's levels or whatever the question was:

I've done a bunch of management, got bored, moved back into tech where the action is.

 

That is what the studies leave out.

 

They make it look like there are no opportunities at the top. There are plenty. It is just not everyone wants that.

 

I miss hands on for sure. Endless meetings are pretty good for napping though!

[Star Gazer]

Not back then. I wanted to but my husband wouldn't allow it.

 

When I moved overseas, I finally got a gardener and housekeeper even though it is just me and my current husband now.

 

Why wouldn't your husband allow you to hire a nanny to do the "child minding"? Is that because he believed the "child minding" should predominantly be carried out by the parent?

 

(I'm not talking about housekeepers/chefs/dog walkers/maids/gardeners, but of the person taking care of and raising your children.)

[threebyfate]

Not back then. I wanted to but my husband wouldn't allow it.

 

When I moved overseas, I finally got a gardener and housekeeper even though it is just me and my current husband now.

Imagine how much easier your life would have been back then, had you had the help.

 

As far as others raising children wwjd, you fail to realize that being self-employed can mean working from home which means connecting with your child(ren) during the day and at night.

 

Most people's warmest memories of their parents doesn't surround their mothers doing drudge work, like changing diapers. It surrounds fun together time of baking cookies, family vacations, etc. It also surrounds time where your mother dried your tears and made you feel better, not watching your mother/father clean toilets.

[SarahRose]

Why wouldn't your husband allow you to hire a nanny to do the "child minding"? Is that because he believed the "child minding" should predominantly be carried out by the parent?

 

(I'm not talking about housekeepers/chefs/dog walkers/maids/gardeners, but of the person taking care of and raising your children.)

 

 

It is because he was not supportive of my career and thought I should be the one to do all of the housework and child rearing like his mother did. He did not like the idea of his wife being anything more than a housewife or maybe a low level job.

[EasyHeart]

Sarah: I've observed several high-ranking career women over a couple different offices leave the workforce entirely upon becoming a mother, because motherhood and parenting were more important to them than their career, and their husband's salary could cover the entire family comfortably.

 

All of these women were in their 30's, and in various ways expressed that they felt like they had successfully checked off the "career box" and didn't need their career anymore to define who they were.

 

I can see myself possibly feeling the same way in the future, so long as my SO's salary could comfortably provide for the entire family.

I've seen this same thing happen many, many times. And a lot of the time, it's the people you'd least expect to make that decision. It's frustrating to train someone for ten years and have them leave, but at least they're not going to a competitor!

 

I think as long as women are the ones physically having the babies, there is going to be more female attrition from the workforce than male.

[Cypress25]

I enjoy bringing home the bacon meself (because I can't give birth), but if a well off woman wanted me to house husband, I'd do it. After the maintence is done (2 hours max each day), I have so many hobbies I would LOVE to enjoy a lot more. Sunning at the pool being one of them.

 

When she gets home, I'd listen about her day, rub her back and feet, cook her a meal and later practice procreating with her every night.

 

Meanwhile, I'm hanging out with the househusbands, watching daytime sports (since the networks would have to drop all the soaps since we don't watch that crap), writing/recording new music in my private studio, motorcycle racing at the track and skydiving as weather allows... then I'd make it home in time to kiss her at the door.

 

Umm...you forgot about taking care of the kids. That's a 24/7 job.

 

I'm male, so no, I've never given birth to my kids, connected on that level and wanted to raise them. But if someone doesn't want to wear that hat, why have kids? Kids are a choice, not a requirement.

 

So you have kids but you don't want to raise them? Then why did you have kids? And don't tell me that you have to birth the kid in order to connect with him and want to raise him. Adoptive parents manage to connect with their adopted kids just fine. I really don't understand men who say they want kids, but have no intention of helping to raise those kids.

[Feelsgoodman]

I think many of the passive, timid men on here might be better as househusbands. As time goes on, since more women than men will be graduating with degrees, which means they will be getting more of the top jobs, this will become an option for many men.

Not to ruin your fantasy, but America and the rest of the western world have a couple of decades worth of "good times" left...at best. The fact that men are withdrawing from society is not a good thing...it's sign of deep underlying problems and calamities down road. Once we hit the dark ages again (which seems like an inevitability at this point), you can kiss education, top jobs and your so-called womyn's rights goodbye.

[darkmoon]

"men are withdrawing from society is not a good thing"

 

i put on something low-cut, my boobs out, i do not see men withdrawing from my niche of "society" here that goes double for men not withdrawing from lap-dancers' niche in society either, but i don't mind if you don't

Edited May 4, 2012 by darkmoon

[Feelsgoodman]

"men are withdrawing from society is not a good thing"

 

i put on something low-cut, my boobs out, i do not see men withdrawing from my niche of "society" here

Good to know that the trailer park (or, in you case, counsel estate) niche of society is gaining strength. That kind fo proves my point though...

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm male, so no, I've never given birth to my kids, connected on that level and wanted to raise them.

 

So, you're a father. But because you didn't physically give birth to your kids, you never "connected on that level" and did not want to raise them?!?!

 

That's really sad.

 

And you attribute this all to biology, don't you.

 

Thank goodness you're not the norm for dads. A lot of fathers really want to raise their kids, and that's what they do.

[Feelsgoodman]

Thank goodness you're not the norm for dads. A lot of fathers really want to raise their kids, and that's what they do.

Too bad the feminist-controlled divorce court system does not recognize this and awards primary custody to the mother 95% of the time.

[threebyfate]

Too bad the feminist-controlled divorce court system does not recognize this and awards primary custody to the mother 95% of the time.

Wrong, they award primary custody to the historical primary care giver. The court's concern resides with the health and well-being of children which includes the semblance of continuity.

 

If more men want to have primary custody, they should become the historical care givers.

[Cypress25]

Too bad the feminist-controlled divorce court system does not recognize this and awards primary custody to the mother 95% of the time.

 

Not all mothers fight for full custody, you know. Plenty of divorced mothers actually want joint custody because they want the kids to have their father in their life. Not every divorce involves a custody battle.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Not really an option as it is random luck of the draw. Not being sexist, just how things are balanced out in our current time. It is more of an "option" for women at this time.

 

Yes that is true, but men have more of an option for this then in any other time in history.