He's seeing somebody else

[telephone]

After 6 months of being close friends with one of my coworkers, I finally became romantically involved him. This occurred right before I transferred to a position in another state. We agreed to be "long distance friends with benefits". I'll be temporarily moving back to his city in June (and staying there for 2 months for work).

 

At first we texted and emailed daily and would fly to each others homes for a long weekend every month. However after 2 months of separation our contact began decreasing substantially and last month we weren't even able to have a visit. Now we have short conversations once a week or so.

 

He recently began dating another woman but told me he still has strong feelings for me. I don't feel comfortable asking for his level of commitment to this other woman (since they've only been dating for a few weeks)

 

What do I do? I don't want to arrive with any expectations of a relationship and be severely disappointed... but I just can't get this guy off my mind and it is hurting me to know that some other woman is lucky enough to be with him! (I love him... not IN LOVE with him but I do love him as a friend & person)

 

Thank you!

[january2011]

He recently began dating another woman but told me he still has strong feelings for me.

 

In my opinion, the first part of the above sentence contradicts the second part.

 

Sounds like a guy who likes to hedge his bets too much. I wouldn't go there. If he wants to spread his investments, he can go spread them elsewhere.

[TMichaels]

I'd take the high road and tell him that while you're flattered he says he has feelings for you, he owes it to this other woman and himself to pursue their relationship unfettered so therefore, you're bowing out.

 

Be prepared for a lot of begging, bargaining and b.s. from him about how that's not necessary and that's not what he wants -- but stand your ground.

 

I don't care how much you like the guy, he's looking out for only one person -- himself -- and I have a feeling that'll never change.

 

He doesn't respect you and is arrogant enough to believe that you'll settle for scraps rather than run the risk losing him. He's betting on the fact that you'll do just that so he can have his cake and eat it, too.

 

Prove him wrong. Retain your self respect. Boot him to the curb, chalk it up to experience and a lucky escape.

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Leigh 87]

With your situation, it is only easy to keep a relationship going if both people are SUPER into each other; this normally takes some time of getting to know each other - as in, talking every night or most nights for a reasonable amount of time ( not just short conversations).

 

If you are both really crazy about each other enough to not want to see other people, you should say that much. It is normally obvious if both people feel this way, but CAN be one sided, so if U feel that way and if YOU like him so much that u cannot fathom seeing other people anytime soon, TELL him and make sure he is on the same page.

 

Basically: normally in your situation, u probably do not know one another enough to ascertain if your both really into eachother, enough to have a LDR. It turns out, while he may very well like you a lot, he is not yet at the stage where he has fallen so hard for u, that he cannot see other women.

 

Some people are super confident and easygoing, and CAN really deaply like a person, and still casually have fun and date others when they are long distance, at FIRST stages in the relationship; where as, MOST people, once they strongly like a person, cannot go and date others.

 

He likes you, but not enough to make it only about you. Maybe you can date others too, and see how your long distance guy turns out? You may become close enough to want to be exclusive.

OR, he may just be selfish and, although he knows your not suitable and will never fall in deap love with u, he may string u along because he likes u and it is fun to have more than one women to play around and have sex with.