analystfromhell Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 My SO is very depressed- has stopped IC but is doing a combo of "internet diagnosis" and has gone to couple of clinics seeking a physically or biologically related cause but has not come away with any diagnosis. Like a lot of people I too suffer from at least a low level of depression but have been working through it. I've tried to talk with her about where she is mentally, etc but she acts irritated and critical of my efforts until I reach a point of frustration and just give up. I try again later, but clearly am either not the right person or just not able to calmly negotiate these waters. So- I've talked before about her behavior last summer and since. I am wondering if the state or the actuality of our marriage (or considering a relationship she might prefer to be in or perhaps a less than ideal work relationship) and these circumstances may be "causing" her depression.
Radagast Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 My depression was definitely caused by my marriage, and my feelings of powerlessness within my marriage. You refer to your SO and "a relationship she might prefer to be in" so perhaps she is also feeling trapped or powerless by her situation. I am sorry she has given up counselling. Counselling was literally a lifesaver for me. If her depression is related to her situation in your relationship or if you suspect it might be have you tried relationship counselling to explore that?
jphcbpa Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 It has for me....3 year w/out sex did to me. I internalized it, blamed myself and just checked out emotionally/mentally. Just recently I started seeing a therapist and began choosing me, my future, my happiness. I cant go back there. I feel like a new man in recent days. It feels good to get a little of the old me (parts that were worth keeping) back, but it feels great to get a new me 1
Philosoraptor Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Sure depression can be caused from a relationship. My ex and I were back and forth and when we were apart my depression went away. I took it as a sign to try again now that my issue was gone.. but yet it came back over and over. It wasn't until the final breakup that I realized that the reason my depression went away wasn't because of some miracle, but that she made me very unhappy. Had I known that I wouldn't have let the relationship continue. If you're not fulfilled in your relationship it can very often lead to depression.
Author analystfromhell Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 We are in MC and had kind of a breakthrough last week. After over 6 months said during a MC session that she had made something up. She conceals events, activities, etc and makes up others on a pretty regular basis; I'm aware but haven't been challenging figuring it needed to come out of her own accord. This habit didn't surface (that I was aware of) in our marriage until the EA but since then, it happens all the time over things both trivial and important. She's also gained a lot of weight, acts a bit odd (mumbling, etc) and doesn't discuss really anything personal- not just with me but with her family as well. I don't know a lot about the mechanisms of depression nor do I think I've been as depressed as she seems to be. Her work and financial situations aren't ideal- but I honestly don't know much about either- we keep separate finances and she doesn't discuss work except to complain about co-workers and bosses. This seems part and parcel of work these days though. She still works with the EA dude- so that can't be good. I have been wondering the depression is a side effect, in part or in whole, of the marital situation. I've asked her to open up so I can at least partially understand what she's dealing with but it's gone nowhere thus far. Maybe I should bring it up in counseling or maybe just let her arrive at her own conclusions. Meanwhile though, things in the Walton household aren't that happy and I think others perspectives. It really pains me that the state of our relationship- or "me" as a member of the relationship could be "making" her feel so badly and it hurts even more that she is unwilling or incapable of discussing or even acknowledging this to me- except I guess through the lies and depression.
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