NMDante Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 Hi. I wrote this after going through my journal to collect my thoughts after she left me after 2 years (we were engaged for 1 year, and we supposed to be married this Aug.). I was wondering if it sounded mean for mean's sake. I didn't write it to get her to call me or see me, either. It was my feelings. I’m not sure when you’re going to read this, but I imagine you think that this will be another one of my “get you back” letters. It’s not. I’m just putting this in with your mail and other things, only because it seemed to be the easiest way to get you to read it. Whether you read the whole thing or not, is something I don’t know you’ll do. Hey, there are a lot of things I don’t know if you would or wouldn’t do anymore. But, again…nothing I can do about it. Before I get too into this letter, let me tell you that I have Nightee again, so if you are able to have her in your place, just let me know, so I can give her to you. If you cannot have her, then don’t worry about her, I’ll either keep her or find a good home for her. Well, this is different for me to write to you. I never thought I would ever think of never wanting to talk or see you. Hell, I guess it really doesn’t matter what I think, because if it did, we would be talking about honeymoon locations right about now. I’m still trying to figure out how you can become a person I never thought you have become. You seem to just say “good-bye” too easily for me to believe that you ever really cared or loved me. Oh, I know, “you don’t see a future for us together”…yeah, I guess not. It’s hard to have a future with someone when they constantly run away from problems or issues. You don’t seem to want to confront any problems with anyone you’ve been with, or you wouldn’t be in one relationship to the next. How many years did we spend together? 2 years? Probably a mid-length type relationship, huh? Why does all your relationships seem to end with you running away from something that could’ve been handled by just talking to the person you supposedly love? How many times have you actually felt love enough for another person to allow them to correct their mistakes and prove to you that it was just a mistake, not a characteristic? You judge people by their mistakes, not what they have offered or given to you. Anyway, I’m not totally innocent in all this, either. I did neglect you, and you used that as a reason for leaving. Go ahead and use it. I did nothing but neglect you for sometime, and it’s worth throwing away everything we did together instead of working it out, isn’t it? Yes, I made mistakes. Who doesn’t? I tried to learn from those mistakes, but when I don’t know I’m making a mistake, I won’t learn. You never helped me understand the mistakes I was doing to you. Even though I asked, you seem to push yourself farther and farther away. I guess that’s a good defense system to have, especially with someone who believes that you love him, and can trust him. Thanks. I really wanted to tell you that, although I do miss you and might even still love you, you get your wish. I’m not chasing you anymore, nor do I intend to do so anytime soon. You became someone that I cannot trust, and believe me, that’s something I never thought I would say or think. You hid things from me, you did things with another guy behind my back, and you were pretty much a whole different person from the one I fell in love with. I’m sorry you turned out that way, because I still saw the sweet, caring lady that I did fall in love with, but she’s just hidden behind this new person. That’s too bad. But it’s also something I don’t have to deal with again. I’d be surprised if you’re still reading this. I’d figure you threw it away by now…sort of like how you threw away our memories like they didn’t matter. I don’t want to remember the person I fell in love with, she’s gone…I want to remember the person who lost my trust, maybe never really loved me, and cared little in our relationship to work pass the difficulties and problems. That’s the person I will remember. That’s the person I will probably never care about or ever fell in love with, and that person, now, is...YOU. Good luck in your life. Take care of yourself, as best as you can. Good-bye. Me This was taken from the Bible: “Love is PATIENT - Love is about being able to accept the faults of the other person. Characteristics and qualities that normally annoy the heck out of you are tolerable simply because it's that special someone with those characteristics and qualities. Love is KIND - Love is gentle and not hurtful. Love DOES NOT ENVY - Love is not jealous, of your partner's success or of other men/women who your partner is friends with. Love wishes the best. Love DOES NOT BOAST - Love is not selfish. Love IS NOT PROUD - Love is humble. Love is able to say, "I'm sorry," and love is able to say, "Will you forgive me?" and love is able to say, "Yes, I forgive you." Love IS NOT RUDE - Love does not demean the other person. Love IS NOT SELF-SEEKING - Love makes sacrifices. It thinks of the other first and wants the best for the other above itself. Love IS NOT EASILY ANGERED - Love is calm, not stormy. Sure, you've got to work at love, but you shouldn't feel like you're always teetering on the edge of disaster when you're in love. Love KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS - Love is forgiving. Love "fights fair," and doesn't drudge up past hurts. Love DOES NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL - Love is, for lack of a better word...good. You should be a better person when you're in love, and you should strive to help your love be better, too. Love REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH - You shouldn't feel afraid when you're in love. You should be able to say what you think and feel, and be who you are. You shouldn't have to pretend to be someone you aren't. Love ALWAYS PROTECTS - You should feel safe when you're with your love. Love protects the body, the feelings, the reputation, and the heart of the one it loves. Love ALWAYS TRUSTS - Love is dependable. You can count on your love. Love ALWAYS HOPES - You shouldn't feel despair when you're in love. Love ALWAYS PERSEVERES - Love is work. It takes dedication, time, and commitment on the part of both involved. Love doesn't just give up when things get rough. Love is "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, til death us do part." I think it's a perfect fit of how I feel. Thanks. Oh, Nightee is a cat, not a child or anything. I like the cat, but I'm not really a cat person... Oh, one last thing...she is getting this letter tomorrow or Wednesday. So, it's outta my hands and in the Lord Almighty's now.
Thinkalot Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 You probably wrote this more for yourself than anyone else, so it's a good thing you got it off your chest. If she's moved on she may or may not read it, or care about what you feel. It can feel good and right to express yourself like that though. It did not seem mean for means sake. Noone here can know if what you say it true. But it doesn't really matter. I hope it helps you heal.
Author NMDante Posted June 22, 2004 Author Posted June 22, 2004 Originally posted by Thinkalot You probably wrote this more for yourself than anyone else, so it's a good thing you got it off your chest. If she's moved on she may or may not read it, or care about what you feel. It can feel good and right to express yourself like that though. It did not seem mean for means sake. Noone here can know if what you say it true. But it doesn't really matter. I hope it helps you heal. Thanks. It didn't take anything off my chest, but I felt that I had to do it for me. I'm glad you don't think it was "mean for mean's sake". That wasn't my intention at all. I feel that this is just one step for me to take in letting her go, and move on with my life. Maybe, I'll make a song out of it, once I get better in playing the guitar. Thanks again....
Thinkalot Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 Yes, the letting go will take time....you'll get there, and come out the other side even stronger!
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