avt Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Hello there. Story might be a bit long, hard to summarize and distinguish important details from trivial ones. Also, I've been browsing forums but just joined today. I would REALLY appreciate the input. Thanks. So, I'm 23 he's 26. Broke up exactly 3 months ago. NC for 1 month, except yesterday he called for my bday. We were together 2.5 years, lived together for almost 2. I had to leave the country for four months and screwed up by not telling him till 4 days before my trip, this devastated him b/c he thought it was disrespectful since we lived together and had plans together to go to school and get a new place, and I just disregarded all of our plans, didn't discuss anything with him and just left the country to go help my dad with some business overseas. When I was overseas he started acting weird b/c he really missed me, I rarely talked to him as I was very busy, and I do recognize I neglected him. I never answered his calls, I texted saying I would call back and I would forget (did a lot of going out back home). He was always sad as he was going through other things too. He started a new better paying job and when I came back I was unemployed, had gained 30 pounds and just grumpy all the time. From the day I got back we started arguing everyday. I became very clingy and just rude and he got rude too, he even yelled at me, something he didn't do before. For a week before our breakup I was telling him I didn't see us going anywhere and he kept saying we should work on it. Well, on Jan 30th we had yet another stupid argument and then he started saying he didn't want to move back in together (I had been staying at mom's since I had come back a month before). He said that he felt he needed to do other things, like travelling on his own and going out and he felt he couldn't do any of those things with me (he's not doing those things now either). And also, that he could not afford providing for both of us until I got a job. I got really upset and told him we should break up. So, this is when he actually agrees we should break up and my world crumbled. I had always menaced to break up with him for stupid reasons. He had never agreed. Well, now that I feel rejected I start begging like an idiot, called all night, cried on the phone, went to his house, all the things that made me look extremely desperate. A week after us breaking up a woman who's 10 years his senior (she owns a house, car, has a two year old kid) asked him on a date, they went out, he slept over, and since then hasn't really left her place. She's the new girlfriend. He's only left her side twice "To get back with me". The first time, about a month after BU he messaged me consistently, said he missed me, etc. We met up, he cried, said he missed me, admitted he was with her but said he couldn't stand her because they could never be friends (we are very very like-minded and share a lot of secrets) and says she's not that intelligent. That he doesnt know why he's with her and thats she's caring and its just "convenient". So I accept him back. Spent the night with him. Next day he's supposed to break up with her after work, he went to her house and ended up spending the night. I confronted him about it, he said he was confused, didn't know if he wanted to get back with me. She came to pick him up while I was talking to him and I just left and didn't talk to him again. Another 2.5 weeks pass by, he starts calling me. He apologized, said he didn't love her, he couldn't see himself with her. He's confused, he doesnt want to be with me but he wants to be friends. So I answer his calls and I was friendly because the truth is I love him and I miss him. He broke up with her. Took his stuff out of her place. After a week we're talking on the phone all the time, we finally went out and immediately "got back together". Spent 4 days with him, together all the time, everything good. On the fifth day we had an argument, I told him we had to move in together and I wasn't willing to compromise. Well, the next day he breaks up with me again. Tells me he got back with me out of pity. Even though I HAD NOT CALLED HIM. I didn't look for him. It makes no sense. Yet he tells me he loves me, he's gonna miss me forever, he's not gonna get his tattoo covered up (we have matching tattoos: infinity signs), that I'm his best friend and he's sad to lose me, that he doesnt deserve me and that he's afraid later on Im going to leave him for the mistakes he's making now. That was a friday. On the monday his mom told me that on the sunday that woman went to pick him up and they're back together. I called him that monday to confront him, he was in front her, I asked him to just tell me out loud that he didn't love me and that he was happy with her, and then I would move on. He refused to. He didn't want to admit she was there, but at this point I can hear her yelling at him because he answered the phone. So he refuses to say he's with her and that he's happy. So I said fine, If you;re not happy thats your problem, I'm done. I have maintained strict NC for a month, until yesterday that he called me at 8 am to wish me a happy birthday. He then messaged me again during the day to say I enriched his life but I didn't reply. I know I need to move on. I know that for any chance of reconciliation I need to grow up and he does too. I recognize what he did wrong BUT there is also a ****load of actions from my part that contributed to the break up, and I need to change those things in order to have a fulfilling relationship with anybody in the future. I've been reading a lot about GIGS and it seems to fit him perfectly and also the stuff about rebounds. She's completely opposite of all the stuff he loved about me. Plus he did admit he was always thinking about me and everything reminded him of me, specially because him and her have very different tastes. The thing is this: I still want to be with him. I just feel that we're so compatible in so many aspects. I want to move on for myself, but I can't help but hope we will get back together one day. I don't know if he's with her, I think he is but haven't tried to find out. Either way I forgive him. He's single after all. I know what I need to do but I guess I just need input. I know I shouldn't wait around for him. I can't help but miss him though. Like a little light inside my heart that tells me I shouldn't give up. I don't hate him. I know he's not perfect but I forgive him, plus there's a lot of hurt I caused him that I've omitted. I don't know. I guess I'm just venting. I apologize, it's my first post. Thanks for the input and thanks for understanding.
Confusedguy1988 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 No I'm also going through something similar however my ex has now been with the same guy for almost 2 months now. We were together for a little over 2 years and we lived while dating for about 18 months of those. We were fighting and there were some trust issues so we broke up at the beginning of the month in january. He immediately started going on dates for the first few weeks after our breakup, then the moment he thought I met someone broke down and begged me to take him back. We were back together but the trust issues were worse than ever because i had made a new friend and he refused to delete his online dating profiles. About 2 and a half weeks later he broke up with me and then about 3 weeks after he broke up with me a friend of his introduced him to her friend and they began texting met a couple weeks later and have been seeing each other for about a month and a half now. I was actually still living with him until about 2 and a half weeks ago. I went the LC route because he still considers me his best friend even though hes seeing someone else. I moved home and he started txting me for trivial things which I think is really immature. If you wanted to talk just talk. We met up last wed to drink together and he was on his phone most of the time talking to the new guy even left the room for 20 minutes to talk on the phone. This caused a small argument which unfortunately i confessed that i still wasn't over him and he said that he doesn't want me to think that i never and dont mean anything to him and that this new thing just happened. I told him the next day that I think it would be best to not talk for a while. That lasted for about 1 day because 2 days later he texted me again about something trivial and I've hes done the same thing almost every day since. Its been a 7 days since i told him i was "implementing NC" and hes text me probably 4 out of 7 days? I've been pretty weak and have responded to them because I feel like ignoring them is just gonna push him away further. I still do believe its a rebound because had even hooked up a few times probably a week or so before he started talking to his new guy and unless he really is an emotionless person I really don't think he could have just gotten over me. Anyways your ex is definitely rebounding too in my opinion. Whether you want to sit around and wait is a tough call. I know how hard it is to be on the sideline wanting to still be with the person. I don't know if i should go FULL NC and start ignoring him or not. Keep me updated!
Tiera D Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 i dont think he is GiGs,yes he is rebounding though..u must understand he is in alot stress,the point when u came back unemployed,gaining weight and being grumpy opened his eyes,plus the arguments and most important u leaved him 4 months without early warnings sure scared him and at that period neglected him My counsel,take 2 more months NC,straighten urselve up,get a job,get a career,u must show that u changed and u are now "stable"
Author avt Posted May 13, 2012 Author Posted May 13, 2012 Yes. My ex is definitely rebounding. Update: He broke NC again and we agreed to go to the movies together. I have mixed feelings about the outcome. We met up, were extremely nervous in the beginning but soon enough were treating each other as if nothing had happened (except for physical contact). He ended up getting teary-eyed. He said he misses me incredibly, that he thinks about me everyday and that he's constantly comparing his rebound to me, and that he feels he got along with me better. He did not say he wanted me back though. But he was very sad and said he stalks my Facebook/twitter/instagram. I asked him if he was happy, he looked down and said no. I don't know. I didn't take the conversation further. I told him it was normal to feel that way because he jumped into a relationship too soon and he didn't have time to heal. We parted ways, he was really sweet, we kissed each other on the cheek. Next day (yesterday) he calls me and he tells me he's getting me a job at his company. I always wanted to work there, and the pay is almost double of what I make now. He also texted saying he had a great time the night before. But then he calls me at night asking if his gf had called me. Apparently she had been going through his phone and arguing with him, because she doesnt want us talking and saying that he's using her to get over me. So I told him she hadn't called but that I do think we shouldn't hang out and that I'm not taking the job if that's going to be a problem for him, plus I wouldn't wanna see him with her (I didn't tell him that). He begged me to take the job. I honestly don't understand. He's trying to get closer, now he gets me that job (where I would have to see him everyday), how come he didn't do that before? and he's opening up to me. Yet he mentions nothing about leaving her. I don't know. Anyways, he reiterated he had a wonderful time and says he hopes I don't regret it, that I should take the job because I would get paid good money. And when I asked again if it was going to be a problem for him, he said "No, trust me, I know what I'm doing" He didn't call or text today though. That's it. I need advice. Should I take the job. My mother is pushing to take the job 'cause I always wanted to work for that company and I need the money. Plus, she says it's either gonna help us get together or help me move on. The truth is, I'm just afraid that having me around will stop him from missing me. It sounds ridiculous, but I do wanna get back with him in the future. Advice Please!!!!
Recommended Posts