Teknoe Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 This is an interesting topic that flew in my head today. Technology has many positives, but one of its dark sides IMHO is when a person abuses it and uses it as a substitute for real life face-to-face human interaction. Our dads, my dad at least, courted my mom by snail mail. He didn't have any message boards to post "What should I do next? How do I win her over?" He simply went for it. He trusted his base instincts. And maybe the counsel of some wise, trusted friends. I often wonder how much reading dozens of topics here and posting dozens of questions has ever truly helped a person, or did it simply prolong their streak of inadequacy? Did the site and its posters become an enabling agent to the poster? I also wonder if this person lived back in the '80s as an adult, if they would fare better simply based on the fact that there would be no internet for them to cling onto? I do believe in "being in one's head too much" as well as "too many cooks in the kitchen" (i.e. the random dozens of posters' advice you may receive). It can bog you down. Stick you in the mud. Make you mechanical around girls. Unnatural. Stiff. Awkward. Too self-conscious. Too high expectations. etc. Maybe we need to get back to trusting our base instincts more. And learn by trial. Learn by fire. Quit asking for or posting our "play-by-play" After all, a diamond isn't made without PRESSURE. And no experience quite matches the one you learn directly and firsthand. Food for thought.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I think the biggest factor is that the internet has widened everyones net. Through online dating reasonably attractive people can meet an almost limitless supply of reasonably attractive people. That is also a problem. In the time before online dating a person had to choose who was the best mate among those around them. Now a person can try to find someone "perfect". With limitless options there is never a reason to give a relationship a chance, or to try and make a relationship work if it isn't "perfect". 1
phineas Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I was younger, single, no kids, & had 100's of women my age around me all the time when I went out. Now, I have my kids every weekend and there are not a lot of women my age just hanging out. Internet dating allows me to meet women i'd have never met in person. 1
persevere Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I think the biggest factor is that the internet has widened everyones net. Through online dating reasonably attractive people can meet an almost limitless supply of reasonably attractive people. That is also a problem. In the time before online dating a person had to choose who was the best mate among those around them. Now a person can try to find someone "perfect". With limitless options there is never a reason to give a relationship a chance, or to try and make a relationship work if it isn't "perfect". Agreed. People are much less willing to work through any minor perfections. Before OLD it was more sincere. Also, even before cell phones there was more solid communication. Face to face or at least a voice behind it. The internet had made the dating pool much larger, however it's created a dating merry go round. It seems some people now get their satisfaction from many first dates instead of being forced to be more serious.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I was younger, single, no kids, & had 100's of women my age around me all the time when I went out. Now, I have my kids every weekend and there are not a lot of women my age just hanging out. Internet dating allows me to meet women i'd have never met in person. That's the double edged blade. Someone like you in the past may not have been able to meet someone. The problem is that there are many people for whom it's all about meeting someone new every week or twice a week.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Before the Internet I had zero luck with women. Since having the Internet I've managed to attract a few women online.
RiverRunning Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I'm only in my mid-20s so it's not like I can cross-compare my current dating life with my dating life pre-Internet. I've had two boyfriends. I met both online. Any guy I've ever gone out on a date with...I met online. For what it's worth, one of my ex-boyfriends and I actually were in a class together at the time we met. I saw his picture on a social networking profile and messaged to confirm it was him. We talked once or twice over the weekend, then our 'romance' immediately went off-line. So yes, we did meet online, officially. Other boyfriend I met completely online and we were friends for a year before we met in person, despite living in the same city. I'm really not a looker, so I'm not going to get noticed while I'm out shopping, running errands, etc. - that's just how it is for me. But when a guy has the time to look over a profile and get a sense of who I am, I get hits. I've also worked from home for the last 3 years, so it's not like I have male co-workers to mingle with. Hmm, maybe...
xxoo Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I was younger, single, no kids, & had 100's of women my age around me all the time when I went out. Now, I have my kids every weekend and there are not a lot of women my age just hanging out. Internet dating allows me to meet women i'd have never met in person. Because they are all on the internet!
carhill Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I also wonder if this person lived back in the '80s as an adult, if they would fare better simply based on the fact that there would be no internet for them to cling onto?Depends on the person. Having transitioned from a party line rotary phone and a daily newspaper and black and white TV to what we now enjoy for communication, I watched that impact on my life and that of my peers. Heck I remember flirting with a few switchboard operators at our local telco back in the day. The means and tools have perhaps evolved, but the basics are still the same. Communicate and press flesh. Whether that's at an 'arranged' dinner at a friend's house or with OLD, it's still meeting in person and interacting in person which rules the day. With the seemingly endless potentials for infatuation which the internet provides, it is possible for people with a weakness for that path can get stuck on it, something that was less likely to happen prior, but still did. Human nature is adaptive. The last time I wrote a genuine 'love letter' from the pre-internet era was in 1993. Wrote plenty before that, dating back to the 1970's. Today, for no particular reason, it feels odd doing so. I still hand-write cards to friends but that's about it. Perhaps someday I'll meet an old-fashioned woman who appreciates love letters and will regain that interest. Maybe I won't meet her on the internet
TheSingleGuy Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 A friend of mine started cheating on his wife via the internet. He was trying to hide stuff and lying all the time so finally he just divorced her. He is multi-sleeping with several women now, all from the internet. He has yet to seduce a woman he met in real life. But he's seduced dozens from the internet. He's convinced he'll never approach a woman in real life. No need to. He's also convinced that he'll never get lonely again, due to the internet. He can just go from one girl to the next to the next. This guy has NO GAME whatsoever. He wouldn't be able to seduce a quality woman in real life if his life depended on it. But he's sleeping with so many women, you'd think he's a rock star. Honestly, I don't see how any woman could be attracted to him at all. That's what internet dating has done for the world. It's made the world a worse place. A guy can avoid any self improvement at all, he can still be shy, still be non-outgoing, still have conversation skills that are just horrible, still be overweight...he hasn't improved ANYTHING, yet he's getting laid like a rock star. To me, it's really sickening. 1
FitChick Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 ...he hasn't improved ANYTHING, yet he's getting laid like a rock star. To me, it's really sickening. Why do you care? Envy? It's his life and any woman who volunteers to have sex.
Bob_Funk Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 (edited) I believe technology has only made things harder for the average guy. Whenever I go out to bars/clubs, everyone's already in their little cliques. So not only do you have to win over a girl; you have to win over the entire group. This wasn't always the case. Another negative: girls nowadays are getting hit on 50 times more than they used to, often by guys out of their league. As a result, female hypergamy is in overdrive. Edited May 3, 2012 by Bob_Funk
threebyfate Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Teknoe, most people who arrive at LS are going through bad times in their lives. The vast majority get better and leave. Some get better and remain to help others, stay for the entertainment value or have bonded with others. The very minimal remainder are the individuals who won't help themselves. These are the ones that you're referencing in the opening post. I suspect that in a real life situation without technology, they would be worse off. Not only would they be dating and relationship challenged but also isolated and lonely as hell. 3
Bob_Funk Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 That's what internet dating has done for the world. It's made the world a worse place. A guy can avoid any self improvement at all, he can still be shy, still be non-outgoing, still have conversation skills that are just horrible, still be overweight...he hasn't improved ANYTHING, yet he's getting laid like a rock star. To me, it's really sickening. I guarantee they're all heifers.
somedude81 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 IMO, the internet has had very little affect on dating. A much better question would be, "How has cell phones affected dating."
TheSingleGuy Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Agreed. Cell phones ushered in the "male friend" and society will never be the same.
threebyfate Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Agreed. Cell phones ushered in the "male friend" and society will never be the same.lolwut? Male/female friendships have existed since time began. So have satellite men.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 A friend of mine started cheating on his wife via the internet. He was trying to hide stuff and lying all the time so finally he just divorced her. He is multi-sleeping with several women now, all from the internet. He has yet to seduce a woman he met in real life. But he's seduced dozens from the internet. He's convinced he'll never approach a woman in real life. No need to. He's also convinced that he'll never get lonely again, due to the internet. He can just go from one girl to the next to the next. This guy has NO GAME whatsoever. He wouldn't be able to seduce a quality woman in real life if his life depended on it. But he's sleeping with so many women, you'd think he's a rock star. Honestly, I don't see how any woman could be attracted to him at all. That's what internet dating has done for the world. It's made the world a worse place. A guy can avoid any self improvement at all, he can still be shy, still be non-outgoing, still have conversation skills that are just horrible, still be overweight...he hasn't improved ANYTHING, yet he's getting laid like a rock star. To me, it's really sickening. I agree with this. In another topic, someone mentioned how women are getting college degrees at a rate higher then men are now. What happened to men? Why aren't men as interested in college and bettering themselves and wome nare currently excelling here?
phineas Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 That's the double edged blade. Someone like you in the past may not have been able to meet someone. The problem is that there are many people for whom it's all about meeting someone new every week or twice a week. I did manage to get married without the internet. Edit: I didn't have a cell phone either at the time.
Bob_Funk Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 (edited) I agree with this. In another topic, someone mentioned how women are getting college degrees at a rate higher then men are now. What happened to men? Why aren't men as interested in college and bettering themselves and wome nare currently excelling here? College is a scam for most people. There are only a few useful areas of study (e.g. engineering, accounting), and less than 20% of people have the mental abilities to major in these subjects. Edited May 4, 2012 by Bob_Funk
threebyfate Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 College is a scam for most people. There are only a few useful areas of study (e.g. engineering, accounting), and only 15-20% of people have the mental abilities to major in these subjects.Inaccurate. It's more about supply exceeding demand. But this has nothing to do with women exceeding men in college degrees. Why this is occurring, I'm still contemplating so are unable to provide even a hypothesis about it without more relevant knowledge. I do have issues about blaming technology for people's usage of it. It's similar to the blaming of women for the dating challenged men.
Feanor Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Wow, there is some serious hostility towards online dating. Take a deep breath and relax people, it'll be okay. The vast majority of relationships are still made offline. Every couple I know has met through friends or work. So we shouldn't exaggerate the effects of online dating. Online dating is okay, I don't tons and tons of dates but I get a few occasionally. I also moved to a new area about six months ago and still don't know a ton of people so online dating has helped.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I agree with you 100%. That's why I am so against online dating. Sure, it works for some people, but I refuse to meet someone who can't introduce themselves or interact with me face to face. I would also be very embarrassed. "So how did you guys meet?" "Oh on lavalife.com". The best relationship I have had has been with a man that I men on the street,, literally. He was driving by and saw my girlfriend and I just hanging out, so he parked his car in the same plaza, came outside and began speaking to us. No one does this anymore and it breaks my heart. THIS is how you're supposed to meet people.
somedude81 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I agree with you 100%. That's why I am so against online dating. Sure, it works for some people, but I refuse to meet someone who can't introduce themselves or interact with me face to face. I would also be very embarrassed. "So how did you guys meet?" "Oh on lavalife.com". The best relationship I have had has been with a man that I men on the street,, literally. He was driving by and saw my girlfriend and I just hanging out, so he parked his car in the same plaza, came outside and began speaking to us. No one does this anymore and it breaks my heart. THIS is how you're supposed to meet people. You can't be serious.
Author Teknoe Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 You can't be serious. By your comment I thought she dated a man she met LIVING on the streets (i.e. homeless), lol. What's so hard to believe about some MAN approaching a woman first time ever seeing her and being assertive? If it's not OLD or a mutual friend introducing you to her/him, that's how a lot of relationships are formed. It's no different than a guy "asserting himself" at the grocery store, museum, bar, etc. It's all done upon first sight, real life, balls to the walls. These guys are displaying confidence, and although they might get rejected, do it enough times, eventually you'll get a bite.
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