dreamin86 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I was dating this guy for two months. He was extremely sweet and treated me pratically like royalty. He told me in the two months that he had fallen in love with me and he was feeling like i was it. We are both 30. I too was feeling that way but decided we should take it easy and maybe cool things down bc he does not have a carrer yet and is taking a one year course to hopefully get a carrer. This makes me nervous bc at his age he never had a carrer or a job that paid decent and his future as far as i can tell seems very uncertain. After we broke up he kept telling me that he wanted it to work and that we can be friends for a yr until he finishes school. Then he would tell me he cant just be my friend bc hes in love with me, then he needed time, then hes ok with being friends, then he wants to date again and now i get a mesage from him after all thatm that we should just go on with our lives bc lets face it, it will never work out and he feels as though i am not serious about being in a serious relationship and ir seems as though i dont know what i want. I tried emailing him telling him that is not the case and i simply was nervous by his uncertain future. He will not respond to my emails and texts or take any calls from me. What gives with this guy, any ideas?
Tiera D Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 u should have stayed with him..My ex did this line with me and,maybe i did not think the big picture,but i will simply get the wrong ideas and believe that either u dont want commitment or u just want to have other guys around..besides he treated u like a queen,what did he do to deserve getting thrown away like that? TD 1
Mr Scorpio Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 As someone who has never had a good paying job or a career -- and has a very uncertain future -- if I was seeing a woman and she raised concerns about my career prospects I would probably bail, especially if I had strong feelings for her. Better to end the relationship before love truly grows and he potentially drags you down by his lack of a career than after he is head over heels in love with you only for you to end it because he cannot land a career in a brutal economy.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 treating her. like "royalty " in the span of two months does not make him a saint. its how he treats her in the long run that says anything about him otherwise treating hef like a princesz is nothing more than an act. when you are with someone there will come a time when you neeed to consider the lojg long-term prospect of things. once you are over the honeymoon phase you do need to consider whether you guys are compatible. I mean at aged 30 a guy should have his priorities in order. if he can't handle a career how does he sxpect to be a breadwinner for a family in the future? 1
Mr Scorpio Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I mean at aged 30 a guy should have his priorities in order. if he can't handle a career how does he sxpect to be a breadwinner for a family in the future? I can't speak to the OP's ex, but these days it doesnt necessarily matter if a person has their priorities in order or not. There are plenty of people with four-year degrees, and even some with master's degrees, who cannot find full-time work.
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I can't speak to the OP's ex, but these days it doesnt necessarily matter if a person has their priorities in order or not. There are plenty of people with four-year degrees, and even some with master's degrees, who cannot find full-time work. That's a fact. You are not economically viable/not relationship material...
immitable Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 He was right when he said that you don't know what you want. Give the guy a break, he is doing a course, maybe him talking and focusing on his career got you to think that he is not relationship material. Guys need to lie more to women until the attracion is built, hence the saying that women fall in love with worst scumbags. Him being blatantly honest with you and laying his cards open got you to bail. He obviously needs more experience with women. I personally believe that when two people are compatible they can reach anything. 1
Author dreamin86 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 Well from my other view if i have told this guy more than once I want to make it work and im sorry i made a mistake and all he does is ignore me, he is now the one not cutting me a break. If he really really did care for me as much as he said i would think i would be worth a second chance. How do u ignore a girl you "love" when she says hey look i messed up, made a stupid mistake, im sorry i want to make it right".
Frank13 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Dreamin86. Find an 86 year old guy to marry who has money. He will die soon and you will get what you want., money.
Author dreamin86 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 no its not what i want...i just want a guy who i number one love and who can pull his weight financially
immitable Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 no its not what i want...i just want a guy who i number one love and who can pull his weight financially Well it took you to break up and the pain of rejection to realise what you want. Look at it positively.
Mr Scorpio Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Dreamin86. Find an 86 year old guy to marry who has money. He will die soon and you will get what you want., money. I think that is a bit overly harsh. I have little to no chance of having a career before my mid 30s, but even I can understand where she is coming from. Love is a great thing, but I don't think it "conquers all". If she wants to have children, a decent house, and the ability to take vacations/see the world, she is going to need a partner who can help carry the load. It's just unfortunate that these days, most of the time, if you don't plan ahead and choose wisely (i.e. - pick a good school/the right major), you get left in the dust. I'm not saying that it is unfair per se, but it is unfortunate.
Author dreamin86 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 Thank you mrscorpio for understanding ....I just don't understand why he will not accept my apology nor speak to me...I guess I really messed up
Chi townD Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 (edited) He's trying to get over you. He will not respond because he still has feelings for you. He's trying to heal from the relationship and move forward. He probably knows that talking to you will make those feelings for you creep back into his heart because he isn't ready to talk to you yet...you had that much of an effect on him. Hell, He's probably on this forum. Because we would tell him to go no contact with you so he could heal. And not to bust on you, but he probably thinks that if he isn't worthy enough to date you, why the hell would you want to talk to him? For you to remind him that he isn't good enough? I know that's NOT what you think, but it could be what he's thinking. And I feel his pain. I was a late bloomer with my career. And my Ex cheated on me and called me a loser, working dead end jobs with no motivation. So, she was moving on to someone she thought was better. I proved her wrong. I took college all the way, got a great career and now I started in a second career that I LOVE and making a good living. She married the guy she cheated with and he dropped out of college. You don't know what a person is capable of. But, when you look at the person for who he or she is, you see the core of who they REALLY are. Did he beat you? Treated you badly? Put you above himself? Made you feel special? Let you know that you had a trusted friend in him? Did he make you smile? THAT'S WHO HE IS! What he does is just an extention of a person. If he went to medical school and became a Doctor; however, he dedicated himself to working in free clinic's, or worked for Doctor's without Border's making well under what normal physicians make. Would you think less of him? Or think that he was stupid because he doesn't have a private practice and didn't belong to a Country Club? He's trying. He dedicated himself to going to school to make something of himself. I think that's better than sitting around the house, working at the supermarket and playing Xbox on his time off. In my opinion, he was working toward being someone you could be proud of. Now, he's doing it for himself. Edited May 3, 2012 by Chi townD
Author dreamin86 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 I understand what you are saying but I have gone above and beyond telling him I made a stupid mistake,I'm sorry and I believe in him and will support him during this yr that he goes through school. I see that the ball is in his court now. I cared for him enough to realize I messed up and he claims he loved me,well here I am pouring my heart out and silence...something isn't right
Chi townD Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Well, what do you want to do? Do you want him back? Just the way he is? And do you want to be with him as he's taking these steps? Is he that man for you?
Author dreamin86 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 yes but he ignores me now and doesnt want me back..what can i do now
Chi townD Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Then you go over to his place and meet him face to face. You swallow your pride HARD and you put your heart on your sleeve and you tell him everything. No texting, no e-mails and no phonecalls. Face to Face. Shows that you put an effort into seeing him rather than a text you could have done at a whim. Tell him to his face that you made the biggest mistake of your life and your stupid fears is going to make you lose the best thing that ever came into your life. Tell him that you don't care about what he does, but you need HIM in your life and all your asking for is one chance to make it right. That he treated you so well and he didn't deserve your insecurities getting in the way; you want the opportunity to return the favor 10 fold and all you're asking for is ONE DATE. One date on you isn't too much to ask for. If things go okay, then we can take it from there. If you want to go on another date in the near future, I am totally game because he is totally worth it. But, that's up for him to decide. All your asking for is one chance, just one date. If he say no. Then, at least you tried. But, if you can get him on just one date. You have a chance. 2
Chi townD Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 That's cool. But, I want you to remember one thing. He still might say no. You have to be prepared for that. You might have to deal with a little embarassment, but welcome to a guys world where we have to ask for that date or that phone number with the possibility of being shot down. And a lot of times...we are. But, we deal with a little embarassment and we move on. You need to be prepared to do the same.
Author dreamin86 Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 So as a guy...if you really cared about a girl and she was very sorry would you eventually come around if you dont right away?
Chi townD Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 (edited) It's easy to dismiss a text or e-mail or a voicemail as nothing more than a telemarketer. It's harder to say no to someone's face. Plus, he'll be able to see the sincerity in your eyes. That you are truely sorry. And truely humbled for an opportunity to talk to him. Don't kiss his ass, but be appreicative of the opportunity. Hell, cry a little. Girls get out of speeding tickets all the time crying when they're pulled over. All I'm saying is that if you make the effort to actually go to his place and TRUELY talk to him. You might have a better chance. However, I want you to remember. He might say no. But, to be honest, the texts and e-mails and voicemails aren't working. So, make one more last ditch to try and reach him. But, if he says "no"....then that's it. You've done everything you could to try and get back with him. But, I don't think one date is unreasonable. When you talk to him. THIS WAS ALL YOUR MISTAKE. YOU ARE THE IDIOT HERE, NOT HIM!!! This was all you. So, no "I freaked out because YOU didn't do this, that or the other." Do not lay any blame on him. Take sole ownership of your freak-out. If he says okay to one date. The you need to come back on here and we need to figure out a date idea that is going to blow his mind. On this forum, we tell folks to stay NC with someone. The only time you break it is if your Ex comes to your front door and says, " Im sorry, I was wrong and I'm begging for a chance to make this right." Anything else is breadcrumbs. SO!!! We're not using breadcrumbs here. This is a breadcrumb free zone. Edited May 3, 2012 by Chi townD
Author dreamin86 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 Well i didnt follow directions. Friday night I called and got his voicemail. I calmy asked if at some point if he can just talk to me and tell me why he is ignoring me. I told him again how sorry I was and that i made the most stupid, idiotic mistake ever. About an hour later he texted me and told me that he was sorry but that he couldnt deal with this right now, that he has had a long week, has tons of makeup work to do and studying all weekend and he had to go to the doctors this week bc he had an episode of irregular heartbeat this week and is now on xanax. He said that the xanax is not bc of me but to calm his heart down with whatever is going on with it. He told me that his heart has been through alot and that this is not helping. He then texted me a little more that night venting about all the work he has to do. I dropped the issue of us and was giving him words of envouragement. He thanked me for all that i said. Then yesterday I texted him a helpful hint that he can do to help his heart palpitations and I have not heard from him since, so im assuming he is ignoring me again. I sent him an encouraging e-card last night to help encourage him as he is very discouraged with school and everything and I know he checks his email and facebook everyday and he has not viewed my e-card. I just dont understand him anymore. I think this situation has reaached a hopeless stage....well....i just hope he will be alright...
xpaperxcutx Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 Chitown told you to swallow your pride but giving up your pride doesn't mean you throw away your dignity. You already did the best you can to show and tell him how sorry you are.the ball is in his court and you're just going to have to back off and wait for him to come to you. I had gthe same thing happen to me he ignored me and left me in the dark only tgo call me a week later tto tell me he was acting the way he was because he had a lot on his mind.granted it was to hear from him buthe was also being selfish by leaving me hanging. It told me he didnt have enough respect for me to treagt me better and I felt like I was. Being taken for granted. The thing about guys is that if they're capable of treating you like this, even if they come back they are capable of doing it again. They cross that boundary of treating you disrespectfully and they will try to push their luck again. Be wary.
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