Mike525 Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 Ok. I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 6 months. I know thats not that long, but we really love each other. Well, she starts talking about getting married and that I'm the one and all that. She swore up and down she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I was all for it, because i feel the same way. Well, I got her a promise ring. She's been wearing it for about 2 months now. The other night she said she wanted to wait a little longer before getting hitched(we were talking about March 05) I said that was fine, but she said she still for sure wanted to get married. Well, I went and bought a really nice ring, took her to dinner, and had a nice romantic evening together. I asked her to marry me, she said yes. Well, after a little while, she gets quiet. I ask her whats wrong and she says she's not ready to commit. I was shocked. I got mad. Asked all the usual stuff, if there was someone else, and all that. She's says it's nothing I've done, she says it's just her. I said ok, well, you can just wear your promise ring until your ready. She said no, thats a commitment too...I don't know what to think. We've talked about it two or three times, can't ever get anything out of it. I'm scared to bring it up again because i don't want to to get upset. What should I do? She's done this to her last two bf's. When they pressured her to commit, she broke it off with them. Should I play it cool and act like I'm ok and wait it out? Should I sit down and have a serious talk with her and ask her whats changed? She still acts crazy about me, I'm sooo confused....any ideas??
Fancy Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 May I ask how old both of you are? If she's done this twice previously, your chances don't sound all that great. Something is causing her to have misgivings about settling down. I think you need to back way off and decide if you're happy just dating her the rest of your life. If the answer is no, then you may need to start rethinking the relationship. You know the old saying........you can lead a horse to water, but you can make him/her drink.
Paradise Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 You can keep your relationship if that’s what you want, but it’s very probable that she will not commit anytime soon. I think she did your favor by saying no to your proposal. 6 months usually is not enough time to really know a person that you’re going to spent the rest of your life with.
Author Mike525 Posted June 22, 2004 Author Posted June 22, 2004 Saying no was ok, I can wait. But now she wont even wear the promise ring anymore, it hurts.
therresa kennedy Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 Hi Mike, Yes, I remember being 21, its a tough time. Might I say that you have got more than enough time to start thinking about marriage. I am 38, and you and she are both so very young. One word of advise, you asked if you should play it cool, well I have to say, YES! Girls can be very observant little creatures and if she thinks SHE has more of a controlling influence on YOU she will play these little games to test you. To "TEST" you, and if she thinks you are going to let her call all the shots she may lose interest. You say she broke it off with her last two boyfriends when they started getting possessive, well that should tell you something. It would tell me that when she starts to feel she has really "gotten" them, there is no longer any challenge. It can be very sad and tiresome, the games people will play, and honest easy going or even very passionate people just wish sometimes that their love interest would be as easy going and upfront as they are, unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way. I am going to say, that you need to (slow down)! Make her think SHE might lose YOU. Just do it and see what happens, you may learn something. A woman, or really girl in this case wants to feel she has a challenge, not just a man or boy who is going to always follow her lead. I am not making any insinuations about you or your relationship with this girl, but you need to make HER worry, make HER think she might lose YOU. WHen you turn the tables on her you might learn a valuable lesson about these little love games. And as far as marrying, really, slow down, there is all the time in the world for that, just be young right now, have fun, take her to dinner, make love to her, but don't make her feel boxed in, and keep her guessing about YOU, a woman loves a mystery, make yourself one. Good luck and remember, never get so worked up in an argument that you might lose your cool, there is no excuse for violence or the threat of it, not that you would do that, just my word of extra advise. Hang in there, things will improve. Best Regards,
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