I have no idea what to think.

[truthbetold]

I'm okay with it. Live and learn.

 

I don't know if he will contact me again or not. I seriously doubt he will, and I can live with that. After being with joe, i have been through FAR, FAR, FAR, FAR worse than this.

 

But Joe is messing with me again.... imagine saying "easy piece of ass" because I am not responding to his messages on a Saturday night.

 

Nope, you're missing my point. It doesn't matter what HE does. YOU have choices. YOU choose to engage or not. You seem to put it that if he does this or that, that's not the point. Take back YOUR power. You can't control others but you control the reaction you take.

 

Don't take the crude comment from the assclown to heart. He's trying to get a response. Did you used to respond in the past? If so, change tactics. Oh, he may escalate for awhile, but eventually he'll give up. Other's gave good advice on the house situation. I really don't mean to be harsh. I want to wake you up to want and receive better for yourself. And stop being someone's whipping post or doormat.

[Itsonlyme66]

ok.

here's the problem.

Mom lives literally across the street from me. I'm an only child and she purchased the house in 2010 to be with me. She literally knows nobody in Florida besides me.

She's 89 years old and can't even get her own pills ready during the day. I sit in her house in the other room when she takes a bath so she doesn't fall down because she has compressed fractures in her back and spends a lot of time on codeine. I like being really close to help her and we don't want to hire assisted help. I love her.

 

Plus, I'm on the deed (so is Joe) but HE SOLELY is on the mortgage. He can't force me to sell. I'm paying HIS mortgage alone. I'm doing everything I can to keep things above water here.

 

The only time Joe ever contacts me is late on Sat nights to see if I'm in. He's awful.

 

I'm over everyone. I just love my mom and my daughter lives here with me and WALKS to school which is literally 10 houses away. I really don't think I could get a RENTAL for cheaper down here (this is a 3 bed, 2 bath, 2 car garage) - So I guess I will continue to try to pay. But Joe's threats are bs. He can't do anything. He signed a promissory note.

[Itsonlyme66]

I have no one to use to put on it. (not "use" but you know what I mean. I don't work except for taking care of mom)

 

I would live with mom, but again she's 89 and doesn't want the kids. I can't leave the kids.

 

It's a hard situation for me. Joe only cares about Joe. He figures he could walk away from me and all his promises to me, but walking away from the bank? I don't think they'd be as "forgiving".

[spice4life]

ok.

here's the problem.

Mom lives literally across the street from me. I'm an only child and she purchased the house in 2010 to be with me. She literally knows nobody in Florida besides me.

She's 89 years old and can't even get her own pills ready during the day. I sit in her house in the other room when she takes a bath so she doesn't fall down because she has compressed fractures in her back and spends a lot of time on codeine. I like being really close to help her and we don't want to hire assisted help. I love her.

 

Plus, I'm on the deed (so is Joe) but HE SOLELY is on the mortgage. He can't force me to sell. I'm paying HIS mortgage alone. I'm doing everything I can to keep things above water here.

 

The only time Joe ever contacts me is late on Sat nights to see if I'm in. He's awful.

 

I'm over everyone. I just love my mom and my daughter lives here with me and WALKS to school which is literally 10 houses away. I really don't think I could get a RENTAL for cheaper down here (this is a 3 bed, 2 bath, 2 car garage) - So I guess I will continue to try to pay. But Joe's threats are bs. He can't do anything. He signed a promissory note.

 

As long as you are attached to Joe through the house he will continue to hassle you. In a sense you are stopping him from moving on because he is incurring debt in his name through that house. If you want peace of mind, you should look into finding away to detach yourself completely from Joe otherwise he will continue to harrass you.

[xxoo]

I'm over everyone. I just love my mom and my daughter lives here with me and WALKS to school which is literally 10 houses away. I really don't think I could get a RENTAL for cheaper down here (this is a 3 bed, 2 bath, 2 car garage) - So I guess I will continue to try to pay. But Joe's threats are bs. He can't do anything. He signed a promissory note.

 

Can you pay, or not?

 

If you are depending on Joe to pay, and Joe stops paying, he loses his good credit--but you and your kids lose your home.

 

I'd be focusing on securing housing I can afford for myself and my children. Man troubles are a distant priority in comparison.

[Itsonlyme66]

I'm so far current on the mortgage.

but for how long, I don't know.

 

Now Joe is accusing me of having FB friends for chrissakes.

 

Facebook friends!

 

And he's slamming my 5'2" stature, along with my "flat ass".

 

And I laid it out to him and told him where to put it.

[Itsonlyme66]

THERE IS NO WAY to detach myself from this house, which I owned BEFORE Joe came along in 2006 (i owned it with my husband since 1999 before Joe took it over in his name) -

 

we are both on deed.

he's solely on mortgage.

 

he may have walked out on ME, but he can't walk out on THE HOUSE.

 

this house is prime location for me to be near mom and the school.

 

I'm paying it for now, but I told him the HOUR that mom goes into assisted living, I'm out.

[spice4life]

I have no one to use to put on it. (not "use" but you know what I mean. I don't work except for taking care of mom)

 

I would live with mom, but again she's 89 and doesn't want the kids. I can't leave the kids.

 

It's a hard situation for me. Joe only cares about Joe. He figures he could walk away from me and all his promises to me, but walking away from the bank? I don't think they'd be as "forgiving".

 

So, are you saying that you are using the house to punish Joe for walking away from his promises to you? People break up, relatonships end and it's fair that people want to move on and start over. Sure, it's painful, but the healthy thing to do is cut ties completely so they can't hold anything over your head.

 

As far as the other guy goes, the right thing to do is walk away quietly and don't send anymore emails explaining yourself. All it does is give him the ammo he needs to keep trying to break you down because he knows he will eventually.

 

Honestly, you need to find a way to go to therapy to figure out why you attract men like this into your life. That's your doing and once you identify the "why", it won't happen anymore.

Edited May 6, 2012 by spice4life

[Itsonlyme66]

spice, I'm PAYING the mortgage. I'm not PUNISHING HIM!

 

omg.

 

I'm stuck here with the house HE abandoned. I CAN'T get it in my name.

wowowowow.

 

 

wth.

I'm doing all I can to keep Joe's credit GOOD.

 

you guys.......

[xxoo]

THERE IS NO WAY to detach myself from this house, which I owned BEFORE Joe came along in 2006 (i owned it with my husband since 1999 before Joe took it over in his name) -

 

we are both on deed.

he's solely on mortgage.

 

he may have walked out on ME, but he can't walk out on THE HOUSE.

 

this house is prime location for me to be near mom and the school.

 

I'm paying it for now, but I told him the HOUR that mom goes into assisted living, I'm out.

 

Yes, he can walk out on the house. It's called foreclosure. He'll take a hit to his credit, but you'll be kicked out.

 

If he wants to be vindictive, he might just do it.

[spice4life]

spice, I'm PAYING the mortgage. I'm not PUNISHING HIM!

 

omg.

 

I'm stuck here with the house HE abandoned. I CAN'T get it in my name.

wowowowow.

 

 

wth.

I'm doing all I can to keep Joe's credit GOOD.

 

you guys.......

 

Wasnt trying to be harsh..now that you provided more details, it's easier to understand. I was just responding to what you posted, but now that you provded more details, it appears you are stuck. YOU didn't make that clear before.

 

Anyway, good luck to you. I won't offer anymore advice. Best wishes.

[Itsonlyme66]

Joe cheated on me.

Left me and came back more times than I can count.

always left me with all the household bills.

 

Was I wrong to take him back? of course.

 

hindsight is 20/20, just like I'm sure it will be with J.

 

Point is, I'm not taking offense, but please see I'm in a corner here, because of my mom.

 

I don't know what to do, and now Joe is texting me he met a "smoking hot" woman "at the gym".

joy for him.

 

I don't care anymore. i told him I'm seeing someone too and he fell dead silent.

[truthbetold]

If you really don't care anymore, why engage with him? Who cares who he met and why. Why the need to dig back that you are too? Seems like childish games and inviting more drama.

 

I don't think you're in a corner. I think that life dealt you the role of caretaker for your mom, and that's hard work. It's admirable and does show your love. Some people put their parents in homes and hardly visit.

 

But I don't understand your need to respond. Why can't silence be your power and better answer? Why do you care what he thinks?

[2sunny]

I'd get busy working and earning money any way possible.

 

And not responding or speaking to either guy sends a clear message - silence leaves them talking to themselves!

 

And don't stoop to lying - I HOPE you aren't seeing someone new. That new J isn't worth seeing or even thinking about.

[Itsonlyme66]

i just told joe about J to get him off his high horse.

 

he's fallen silent! he lost rights to me when he walked out and left me holding this huge bag on 2/15.

 

the other j hasn't written. i'm sure he's heather-busy and that's fine. i get it. but the other joe.... what a wuss......

[spice4life]

Joe cheated on me.

Left me and came back more times than I can count.

always left me with all the household bills.

 

Was I wrong to take him back? of course.

 

hindsight is 20/20, just like I'm sure it will be with J.

 

Point is, I'm not taking offense, but please see I'm in a corner here, because of my mom.

 

I don't know what to do, and now Joe is texting me he met a "smoking hot" woman "at the gym".

joy for him.

 

I don't care anymore. i told him I'm seeing someone too and he fell dead silent.

 

The bolded is typical abusive a**hole stuff. He is miserable so he is trying to project it out onto you by sending you jabs like that. Ignore, roll your eyes and feel sorry for any woman who gets involved with him.

 

I understand the predicament you're in with your Mom and it is admirable that you are there to help. Nothing wrong with that.

Edited May 6, 2012 by spice4life

[Itsonlyme66]

you know, for 6 years i tolerated cheating, mental and emotional (and a couple of times physical) abuse,.... silent treatments, being made to feel useless or ignored.

 

So when he said that he met a "smokin' hot girl" i couldn't resist the opportunity to give it back.

 

i said really. well I met a steely-blue-eyed alpha male who already hates you and has a bigger truck, better job, lives closer, and is enamored with me (ok so i stretched it a little) - i said he's got tattoos, is as big as you, and can probably kick your ass. so now what. you done checking up on me and keeping tabs on me, your ex? you going back into your hole now?

 

he hasnt answered.

 

sometimes, you have to fight fire with fire.

[xxoo]

Regarding Joe: don't poke the crazy. Resist the urge, and create peace in your life.

 

Focus on supporting yourself and your kids without the help of a man. Between that, and your mother's care, you should have plenty to take your mind off of these d-bags!

[truthbetold]

you know, for 6 years i tolerated cheating, mental and emotional (and a couple of times physical) abuse,.... silent treatments, being made to feel useless or ignored.

 

So when he said that he met a "smokin' hot girl" i couldn't resist the opportunity to give it back.

 

i said really. well I met a steely-blue-eyed alpha male who already hates you and has a bigger truck, better job, lives closer, and is enamored with me (ok so i stretched it a little) - i said he's got tattoos, is as big as you, and can probably kick your ass. so now what. you done checking up on me and keeping tabs on me, your ex? you going back into your hole now?

 

he hasnt answered.

 

sometimes, you have to fight fire with fire.

 

Wow, you know I'm nearly speechless why that was even close to necessary. Regarding the bolded, I still say you fight assclowns with silence. Not degrade yourself to their level. Really I wish you'd just try to be still and see that.

[Itsonlyme66]

No contacting J.

 

No more with Joe either.

 

Last contact I had with Joe, I told him this was war. I don't like the drama. i really don't. but i am not laying down anymore for anyone.

 

thanks for all the advice. i'm standing up straight and chances are, everyone will retreat to holes now that I am.

[2sunny]

When I don't respond AT ALL - they go away!

 

Ahahaha

 

Seriously - there is only drama IF I feed it and grow it bigger by responding.

 

Get it? I simply do NOT respond! They eventually find SOMEONE else that ALLOWS the abuse they intend to place on SOMEONE - I just never allow it to be ME anymore!

 

It's MY healthy boundary for ME...

[2sunny]

See if you can think of a friend to co- buy it with you so you can buy your exH out and get his name off the deed.

 

Even if it's someone who doesn't live there but wants half the equity/value of the home.

 

Half is better than losing the house completely.

[Itsonlyme66]

The house is at least $75K upside down.

That's why Joe left me with it.

so..... shoots that idea.

 

J texted me that he just got up from a 6 hour nap and was going back to bed.... whatever is the point. i didn't answer.

 

anyhow.... another crap day trying to get it all sorted.

thanks for being there, guys. i appreciate the support.

[2sunny]

The house is at least $75K upside down.

That's why Joe left me with it.

so..... shoots that idea.

 

J texted me that he just got up from a 6 hour nap and was going back to bed.... whatever is the point. i didn't answer.

 

anyhow.... another crap day trying to get it all sorted.

thanks for being there, guys. i appreciate the support.

 

Can you block his stupid texts that seemed designed to get you to pay attention to him when he needs his big ego stroked?

 

Delete or block his number!

 

He steps in just to see if you're still willing to accept his crumbs.

[Itsonlyme66]

I deleted J's #.

 

And I told Joe that I deserve better than substandard treatment and that I had a lot of love to give to someone who is going to give it back. then i said goodbye. we think very, very little of each other, and it's just way overdue to really let it go with Joe. He is disordered as a narcissist of the worst kind and everything I do is wrong, not enough, or twisted. I want peace in my life, and it has to start with ME.