mr-judge Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Sorry if this bores people but I need to offload. Feel a bit silly making this thread because i'm 26, i'm a man and i'm gay. I'm from Liverpool, and this might sound really petty but it's not to me. First of all I got with a guy on 12th March 2011... He's Irish, His name's Ryan (fake name) We always had troubles really, because i'm a very jealous person, and he's very disloyal, he lived with friends and ALWAYS put them first, but in a sneaky way. He told alot of lies. And later admitted he has a problem with lying and started gettin counselling for it. Throughout the relationship I found messages in his Facebook and texts where he was flirting with other guys. He made a secret Fitlads profile which is really seedy, and even when I found it he denied it. Long story! Anyway, it got to August 2011, Liverpool gay pride, and I kissed a boy who had liked me for a while, my loyalties just did not lie with him that day! Moment of weakness that I regretted so much, I never told him (but he later found out) He was always bad on drugs, and tbh so was I... But he used to pretend to go to work but I found out he was gettin on it in his. Then this one time I found out he'd stayed off work to get on one, but told me he was in work till 12am this one night, so i got a taxi down there when i could have gone there in the day and spent the day with him. This was like 1st of december... An when i found this out i went out that night and went back to a party and was kissing this boy who liked me, I told Ryan it was over! Then from that night up untill 14th of Jan when we eventually got back together... He found out i'd kissed the lad at pride, and he was constantly partying with his druggy mates. He'd come to mine over xmas then go and send a text 'I don't see us workin'... We said some horrible things. And in this time I was sort of seeing the lad i'd kissed on 1st december! Hope this is making sense lol. We got back together and it was lovely for a while, then he started partying again... Don't get me wrong I would go out and party aswell. But he was addicted to drugs, and still is! Oh and in the time over christmas, the day before NYE, he went out and cheated on me. And told me they only kissed, but the person he went with told me more happened, which hurt, alot, and even then he denied it, but later admitted it! So anyway, from 14th of jan untill 5th of april, when we eventually broke up for good... It was really bad, always arguing, o trust, me being overly jealous... But knowing in my gut he was lying. He ended it on the 5th of april. Everyone on the gay scene has turned against me because ryan comes across as this sweet innocent irish boy, no one knows the side i do. He's clever i'll give him that! Since the 5th of april he's ****ed me off to constantly party with these people who hate me, he's been vile to me. Betrayed me so much! We met up for coffee and i cried to him and he was like 'not a tear in sight' and left me in town in tears! Even tho i helped him get off the drugs when he got really bad on them. Fed him vitamins etc, cuddled him to sleep when he was literally shaking because of the drugs. I have text him non stop tellin him how much I Love him, but he's having none of it. I got into his Facebook today to delete our messages because he said he was goin to show people our private messages. I found messages that he'd sent to some boy he was seeing before me, they were arranging an orgy and wanting to film it, also i found messages that him and a so called friend of mine were sending, going by the messages they'd obvs done alot more than kiss at a party... Even tho i've asked them both if anything has happened. I feel physically sick! I feel hurt and betrayed. He has broken my heart! If anyone has got to the end of this, lol, is there any advice or words of strength you can give me? I would never normally do anything like this but I I actually need to. Thankyou, Allan.
Toru Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Allan, I understand you are hurting. It hurts like hell being betrayed and lied upon. It also hurts like hell knowing you did the same. But you and your ex are both in a place of extreme emotional unstability. It feels to me your relationship was based on drugs for the most part and that is never a good start to a loving, loyal relationship. You should get some new friends, try and stay of drugs, get your act together. Maybe in the future when your ex has sobered up and taken control of his life, you guys will meet and have a second chance. But until that happening, you guys are just way better off alone, because it sounds like me you're bringing each other down more than up. Take care. You can do this!
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