foobytheinsane Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Hello all, I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 8 months now. Previously, before he moved to France to teach English there, we lived together back in the U.S. The good news is... our long distance relationship is finally coming to an end in all of 2 short weeks. The bad news is... I'm now feeling ambivalent about him coming back. I was very, very sad when he left and we had a nice 2 week visit at Christmas time, but now I just feel kind of numb when I think about him. It feels more like we are friends now and not lovers. We talk almost every day and nothing has really changed on his end as far as I can tell, but for me I just feel like my romantic attraction has kind of ebbed. I don't find myself thinking about him all the time like I once did, and I'm kind of scared of how it will be when he gets back. I've gotten to a place where I finally feel comfortable on my own now and I'm wondering if I should talk with him about my conflicted feelings? I'm wondering if my waning attraction means we aren't right for each other and if I should spare myself the possible pain of becoming re-attached to someone who isn't right for me. I wonder also if I'm just closing myself off to protect myself since I am applying to med school this year and him to grad school, so there is a chance we may be physically separated again. Has anyone else had a similar experience with ambivalent feelings toward their LDR boyfriend or girlfriend and how did the situation work out for you/how did you handle it? Thanks, Fooby
wildgeese Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 While my feelings have never been "ambivalent", I do think I understand to some degree. From my experience, after being away from your partner for a while you can hit a kind of plateau. You're used to being by yourself, you're most likely comfortable with it and once again as active as you were before the separation, and you're used to just missing your partner. It can feel incredibly alarming. I was feeling myself in a similar spot around January/February of this year and I had a lot of the same questions as you. But I came to understand that this is a natural process of the LDR and long-term relationships in general. I'm not sure how long you guys have been together aside from your distance, but relationships will not always have that exciting, constantly thinking about them, can't live without them, passionate feeling. Sometimes it's a quieter, calmer love. It's just the ebbs and flows of a working relationship. If you still think of him often, if things still remind you of him in a good way, if you still find yourself bringing him up in conversation, if you can't imagine him not being there, if he still makes you laugh, then I think you're safe and just ride it out. I wouldn't give up just yet.
ladyabstrused Posted May 6, 2012 Posted May 6, 2012 I have to say that I do quite understand how you're feeling Fooby. And I guess wildgeese really explained it quite well. I guess for some relationships, it really is not always about excitement etc. Especially in LDRs. Yeah, I think wildgeese is right. Cos I was also wondering this too about my LDR. How come I don't feel the excitement much now with my significant other. But I love him so very much. I love his company when we talk. But I feel comfortable just being on my own too. It's complicated isn't it when you're going through this. Sighs.
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