k100danny Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 So me and my ex break up around a week ago and i thought i was doing fine, i think i may have been in denail that is was actually over. So she is texting now and again and it seems to me she regrets innitating the break up even though i agreed, she has broken up with me before a few times she acts out then always says it was a mistake she was just angry ect. So this time im not buying that and i don't try and get us back together i want her to understand what her behaviour does to me when she acts out this way or we get in an argument and she makes it personal. So im basically telling her all of the things and reasons why i agree with the break up and Why i felt it couldnt go on. I can sense she isn't liking that i don't seem to be worried and It might actually be the end. So we dont really speak and I kind of knew she would try and do something to get my attention which is normal (for her) we were arguing back and forth and i know she doesnt want to be broken up but she has no communication skills she is like a child in some respects when it comes to things like this where i would usually prefer to talk things out she will brush things under the carpet. So i say look it seems like you want to say something else if you want to have a serious discussion then im all ears, so her reply to this is " Well i think you have said it all. now i know how you feel ect ect" basically shifting blame. I still wasnt really thinking its over for good but i leave it and stand my ground, she needs to accept that her behaviour is not acceptable. SOOO i log into my facebook and i see that she is now friends with " the ex " he really tried to mess up our relationship when we got together an he was pretty horrible to her so im obviously thinking "bitch" I message her and say that was a really nice touch your ex who you say you cant stand and youre broken up for a couple of days and your friends again, I said Please dont ever contact me again it is not acceptable at all. She replies early in the morning at 3 am with " I love you x" Im thinking she is being a bitch and sarcastic so i just reply with how nice but you wont wind me up. She says she wasnt trying to she meant it but im still not sure of the tone as we are texting. Later today i log into facebook again to see she has been tagged in some pictures, at an after party at a house after a gig i knew she was going to and her ex would be there, this is is another reason it annoyed me as i thought hmm they become friends again then the next day they are both at the same gig "he ha a new girlfriend now" so im auctomatically annoyed then i see the pics. Basically my ex at this house party arm round a guy" a guy i know who she is friends with and is kind of a mutaal friend" still really pissed me off. the guy is a sleazy prick to women but i suppose not the worst bloke in the world but after adding the ex ect im already pissed even though im 90% sure nothing would have gone on. So she was texting me throughout the day but then i saw this, I straight away removed her and her friends from my friendlist on facebook and i told her i had done so. I said youve gone too far and we will never be friends, ive removed you and your friends and i would appreciate it if you never contact me again. She replies with what have i done/ ive done nothing wrong ect ect. I get annoyed and mention the ex and she says well i dont know why i did it maybe to annoy you. Im really annoyed by this point as ive given her lots of time where she could hve said anyhing she wanted to say without trying to get a reaction so i say "lying" Look i don't want to fight lets just leave it never speak to each other again, and i shouldnt be mad its not like i havent done worse (this is a toal lie ive never cheated on anyone in my life) and i said im not going to text argue im going out for diner with a "FRIEND" I knew this would annoy her. I know it was childish so then she turns this around onto me. Ive had enough, youve admitted you cheated, its the final straw ect ect. I didnt do anything to you, she likes to play the victim although trust me this is not the case. So i feel bad and i try to call and she says I dont want to speak to you, you go off and have a date with other women ect ect. I told her in tect i didnt cheat and what i said was just a way of getting back at her for trying to make me react but it seems to have made things worse. but she replied saying i didnt read your text your an arsehole tet other women ect ect ect. I know i shoudnt act the way she does in return but i was totally at my wits end and i wasnt being the one to end up feeling guilty and saying sorry for something that wasnt my fault again. I gave her many opportunities to talk to me like an adult which didnt work so now i dont know if she is just laying the guilt trip. I have never trusted anyone like i did her, i felt totally ok with her going anywhere with anyone and the thought of her cheating never crossed my mind but this thing adding her ex ad going out and partying when weve just split has totally changed my opinion of her. she said i was implying she was a slut and i said i wasnt implying it but youre making yourself look like one.. As i say i prefer to talk things out but she usually plays games like this, i was so tired of her expecting the world and acting how she wanted with no thought for me that i withheld this time and now i think it has ruined it forever. This was more a rant than anything and sorry for how long it is.
IfiKnewThen Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 it feels like you're the rare guy who wants to talk things out. she sounded lucky to have that in a relationship. i too have broken things off out of frustration ..but it was because a guy wouldn't talk or change his ways if we did talk about what was hurting me. i do firmly believe that she doesnt really want to break up with you but that something is bothering her. i wish she made it clear what and then you guys could have worked together and fixed it. i want to say i think facebook is evil. seeing all the things people are doing but not getting the "true" story. its so painful to look back. wait until youre truly ready to do that. looking at facebook now isnt really good. youre not ready yet. thats why it still pains you. i know i check things too occasionally. we were all so much better off in the past when we couldnt see all these things on social networks. i wish you well.
Chi townD Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Geez! Will you stop taking digs at each other!! I mean, there was NO NEED to inform her that you removed her from FB. She would have figured that out on her own! "OH, by the way....I removed you from FB!! And all of your friends too! So, THERE!!!" See how stupid and childish that sounded to her, because that's how I read it! Just like her little "I Love You X" Dude, I read that as sarcasim too! Dude, your silence would speak volumes!!! She would never know where your head is at, what you are doing and what you are thinking. That would drive her nuts, until she would finally give up (which is ultimately what you want to happen)
Author k100danny Posted May 2, 2012 Author Posted May 2, 2012 Yeah I know it was probably childish move on my part and maybe i was trying to get a reaction but im not giving it the old she started it but i had just got to the end with it all and was hurt by it and weve all done things we regret during break ups. I understand silence would have been better but I seriously was so frustrated, I mean I have always tried to talk, this has happened before and she would say sorry I got mad I didnt mean it but then expected it to be dropped and i feel i deserve more of an appology and at least an udnerstanding of why this keeps happening. I can spot her acting out behaviour all the time as i think i used to be similar in past relationships ecting out when i dont get my own way but i feel i have grown as a person and now can accept someone in a relationship without just thinking of myself. I think she has some issues she is very jealous and controlling although i have never until now given her a reason to be jealous although she would try and make me jealous now and again. I was sick of arguments going this way when she doesnt know when to stop, its almost like a told of child that will get worse behaved as they dont know what else to do. Many times i said look if you would like to talk then talk ive given you my side but she doesnt like to discuss things she lets it build up then blows up. If she could change that i would have been perfectly happy, well that and the controlling/selfishness. I believe she does care and maybe this is the death rattle when we both have to admit it can't ever go back to how it was as it's gone too far, i probably could have prevented this but it would have only happened again if she never addressed her way of dealing with things.
Chi townD Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Well, you seem like the type of guy that HAS to get the last word in. Then, here's what you do. Say nothing....absolute silence. She knows you well, and she will know that you NEED to get that last word in. Then, give her nothing. She won't know what to do with herself because you've never acted this way before. It would drive her insane! If you feel the need to respond to any little thing she throws at you to get a response....post here....talk to folks about it. Respond here as if you're actually sending a response to her. VENT....people will walk you through this.
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