PJKino Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Well I assume you wouldn't want those women to know that you're timid and insecure. And it's those women that you can't hide it from, because you never make a move. The women you're interested in can see right through you. That's why they never want to date you. Maybe thye dont want to date him because they dont find him physcially attractive? The idea confidence makes women magically attracted to you is nonsense 1
Cypress25 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 The idea confidence makes women magically attracted to you is nonsense Nobody said that. Confidence is not a magic bullet. It's only one of many important qualities. But without it, your chances of success are a lot lower. I've known quite a few great guys who did themselves in with their timid ways. Otherwise, they had a lot going for them.
SJC2008 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Well I assume you wouldn't want those women to know that you're timid and insecure. And it's those women that you can't hide it from, because you never make a move. The women you're interested in can see right through you. That's why they never want to date you. Give us examples and don't tell me it's something you can sense. I love it when women say this like they have radar or something. Anyone can tell if someone is insecure/not confident when it's blatant. I believe SD81, I'm similar to him but worse in that I have social anxiety that I've been working on. 1
PJKino Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Nobody said that. Confidence is not a magic bullet. It's only one of many important qualities. But without it, your chances of success are a lot lower. I've known quite a few great guys who did themselves in with their timid ways. Otherwise, they had a lot going for them. If a girls attracted to you and you arent a total social retard youre fine..Most of us are insecure at certain times not every girli s turned off by a little shyness like you are.. My friend is a ltitle shy passive and insecure but gets a lot of women because hes good looking and they approach him and because theyre attracted to him they find his shynes sand at times passivness cute and charming.. Me im unattractive insecure shy and passive so obviosuly im screwed:D
SarahRose Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Define unconfident and insecure. I ask because it takes different forms. In some, they overcompensate by being like Ricko Suave... over the top with put upon fake confidence. Others express it by making negative comments about you to bring you down to their level Another group just whines incessently asking for constant reassurance With all of the three though, I've learned that the second they develop any 'confidence' they dump their patient and loving GF's for the BBD. Because deep inside they never had any respect for someone who would put up with that shyte or, they just get a whacked out idea that they can do 'better' with all the new skills they've learned. That's why I won't go there. I don't want a 'project' and I want a guy who sees the downsides of having lots of options. It's not all it's cracked up to be. I think there is a lot of truth to what you said. I've actually read a few admit this on these types of forums too. They talk about getting a fat unattractive girl as a start gf. 1
SJC2008 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Nobody said that. Confidence is not a magic bullet. It's only one of many important qualities. But without it, your chances of success are a lot lower. I've known quite a few great guys who did themselves in with their timid ways. Otherwise, they had a lot going for them. Lol these posts make it sound like unless you're a night in shining armor we'll never get gf's. In reference to your BBD, that depends on the person, not their confidence. I just had a date with a 26 year old woman and she texted me on the ride home and two days in a row after that. I decided NOT to date her. I could of used her for exp and sex, like I could of two girls before her and I didn't. So like I said BBD'ing someone depends on the person, not their confidence. As far as being able to smell it or sense it, BS. If it is blatant, yes but in that case a man could too. 1
Imajerk17 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 (edited) Cripes Ross, this thread is awful. Instead of actually pushing yourself to become more confident, you're just going to sit and wallow and hope that you can find a woman who wants to be with you anyway. Tell me that is NOT your intent... Edited May 3, 2012 by Imajerk17
Citizen Erased Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Can't like anyone if they don't have the guts to talk to you. 1
Imajerk17 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Well then, do you think the girl at my work that I asked out a few days ago, would think that I have low confidence and am insecure? Everybody on this forum knows how I am, but what would she think? Heck, what would the other girl I always write about think? Even though I never actually, made a move on her, I've tried things that definitely pushed her comfort limits, of course while trying to remain respectful. If you really came across as confident and secure in real life, you would have a lot more success with women. No two ways about it.
SJC2008 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 If you really came across as confident and secure in real life, you would have a lot more success with women. No two ways about it. If you average or below mabye. Hell in some cases it won't matter if you are average. A friend of mine in his late 20's has never gotten a gf on his own, they come to him. He's even admitted he can't ask girls out himself. But he get's to have gf's though.
somedude81 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I really do wonder about that. Simply because, how far can confidence take you, if a woman isn't physically attracted to you? What are things that a confident man would do that an insecure man wouldn't? I pretty much ask out every woman I'm interested in. I don't think having more confidence in myself would have made them say yes. Or would I simply ask out more girls and hope I get a bite? Though one thing having more confidence would do, is that I would make moves much easier. Although I can't see making moves on girls that would have rejected me later as a good thing. Basically the last few girls that I hung out with, ultimately rejected me without having made any moves. If I had in fact tried to make a move, I don't see them as actually working. 1
mixwell Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 The only women that like insecure guys are the ones that get with a wealthy person and dominate them into doing what they want.. Insecurity and clingy is a total turn off no matter if you're a guy or a girl. Nobody wants someone acting like a puppy dog running after them every move they make.. Even if you are unconfident and insecure just "fake it until you make it" If you feel ugly, fat etc just act like you're the shlt and that confidence alone will be appealing to women.. If you act like a broken down insecure va jay jay you're never going to find a woman who has ANY respect for you and most likely will never be interested in you.. Grow a pair, have some self respect and represent yourself like you have some self respect..
somedude81 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Even if you are unconfident and insecure just "fake it until you make it" If you feel ugly, fat etc just act like you're the shlt and that confidence alone will be appealing to women.. How do you even fake confidence?
mixwell Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 How do you even fake confidence? What do you mean HOW ? If you feel insecure, just act and present yourself like you are the ish. If you feel insecure don't show it but instead act totally comfortable and secure.. I don't understand how you would ask a basic question ? How do actors FAKE being sad, happy, mad when they're playing a certain role ? You ACT.. ACT confident, maybe saying fake was the wrong trigger word and I should have said ACT.. Same thing.. 1
Teknoe Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Nothing you said applies to me at all. Heck, if you met me in person, and didn't know my online persona, you would never realize that I lack confidence and am insecure. You once admitted you have no idea how to read women's body language. It would not be a surprise if you didn't know how to read your very own, either. IIRC, in a post you once even admitted you don't have a clue of what you're doing. Obviously, you're not doing something right as you haven't experienced a successful relationship yet. Also the fact that you drove D to basically "banish" you from her life speaks volumes that you were acting in an inappropriate/uncomfortable manner which you yourself are unaware of (i.e. you still post "I don't know why she stopped talking to me at all?") I've tried things that definitely pushed her comfort limits, of course while trying to remain respectful. Read this again. You tried to remain respectful, YET you openly admit you DEFINITELY pushed her comfort limits. Doesn't sound real respectful to me. And you don't understand why she stopped wanting to be friends? Simply put, she no longer felt safe or comfortable around you.
rickys Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I am not a woman but i dont think any woman like unconfident guys...
mixwell Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Nothing you said applies to me at all. Heck, if you met me in person, and didn't know my online persona, you would never realize that I lack confidence and am insecure. Okay I'm not saying I'm some player or whatever but just by you admitting that you lack confidence and are insecure could be huge. You may THINK you females don't know but chicks are VERY freaking keen on body language and they can usually sense your persona so if for one second you show that weakness it's over Johnny.. You might think you're playing it cool but women pick on the little things and my guess is they read right through your BS front and saw you for being insecure.. I don't know because I haven't went out to a bar or club with you but dude chicks can read that ish like a mo fo. haha
kaylan Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I dont get this thread. Does anyone like unconfident and insecure mates? I think not. I know I surely couldnt deal with a woman like that. Its annoying and unattractive.
Teknoe Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 How do you even fake confidence? Great questions you should be asking a professional or therapist. Or your college counselor. You need to get real, live face-to-face feedback.
mixwell Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I am not a woman but i dont think any woman like unconfident guys... It's the same ish for guys as well. It's stupid but i talk to a girl on FB and she's always talking negative and it's a huge turn off but I'm talkin to her more as a friend but I think if I ever met a chick who said/acted like her no Fking way I would want to be with her. I think it's more natural instinct to be honest. A lion pride isn't going to accept a male lion who is insecure, haha you have to kill the cubs and dominate that ish like a boss.
Star Gazer Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I am not attracted to men who are insecure and lack confidence insofar as relationships and feelings of self-worth are concerned.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I guess the real question is how to define "unconfident" and "insecure". To me, it's being hesitant or scared to "make a move" and looking to the woman to do most of the escalation. I know most women probably aren't interested in guys like this, but logically it makes sense that they would be, you know? 1
mixwell Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I guess the real question is how to define "unconfident" and "insecure". To me, it's being hesitant or scared to "make a move" and looking to the woman to do most of the escalation. I know most women probably aren't interested in guys like this, but logically it makes sense that they would be, you know? Not to be an arsehole but if you want to define both terms go to dictionary dot com.. There is a straight up definition of both which I don't know how you could "define" it in a more basic concept than it's definition.. unconfident and insecure pretty much means having no faith or self value in yourself. A feeling of being less than someone else.. I'm just giving what I think but FFS there are actual definitions for these terms.. I mean.. seriously.. People may need to use Google more perhaps. (not really aiming this reply to you)
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Not to be an arsehole but if you want to define both terms go to dictionary dot com.. There is a straight up definition of both which I don't know how you could "define" it in a more basic concept than it's definition.. unconfident and insecure pretty much means having no faith or self value in yourself. A feeling of being less than someone else.. I'm just giving what I think but FFS there are actual definitions for these terms.. I mean.. seriously.. People may need to use Google more perhaps. (not really aiming this reply to you) Not everyone likes to use words the way they're supposed to be used. Which is why I asked. I can't take dictionary definitions as a given.
coffee.girl Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 To me, it's being hesitant or scared to "make a move" and looking to the woman to do most of the escalation. I know most women probably aren't interested in guys like this, but logically it makes sense that they would be, you know? Why does it make sense that women would be interested in doing most of the escalation themselves? I'm genuinely curious why you think this. I went on a few dates with a guy like this (had to do all the escalation) and I felt like I was emasculating him. It wasn't fun.
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