Cypress25 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 No. I mean, I can sympathize with them, but I have no interest in dating them. Those guys are usually awkward and painfully shy, and they make everyone around them uncomfortable. It's damn near impossible to have a good conversation with them. Timid guys were cute in middle school, but now they're just annoying. It's like they never grew up.
WhiteChocolate Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 No. I mean, I can sympathize with them, but I have no interest in dating them. Those guys are usually awkward and painfully shy, and they make everyone around them uncomfortable. It's damn near impossible to have a good conversation with them. Timid guys were cute in middle school, but now they're just annoying. It's like they never grew up. Completely agree. All normal people are insecure to some degree, but it is maturity to learn to deal with it.
Pyro Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Just wondering. would you like a woman who didn't think highly of herself and did not trust you?
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 would you like a woman who didn't think highly of herself and did not trust you? I would. To me, it would show she cared. Plus, it's better than nothing.
Pyro Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I would. To me, it would show she cared. Plus, it's better than nothing. That is not better than nothing. Being with a girl who doesn't trust you will test your patience and will most likely fail. 1
LittleTiger Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Brutal honesty? I don't 'dislike' guys who lack confidence, but I doubt very much that I would ever be attracted to one. Insecurity is not an attractive trait in anyone - male or female.
irin Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 are we talking extreme insecurity and lack of confidence? they can be so hard to deal with even with friends never mind a guy. but to a degree is actually preferable to arrogance!
ThatDudeXO Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I'm quite insecure and not naturally confident but I hide it quite well. You know why? Because you only live once.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 That is not better than nothing. Being with a girl who doesn't trust you will test your patience and will most likely fail. Perhaps. But walk on my side of the street long enough and see how you feel.
SJC2008 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 What are signs of insecurity? What are signs of a lack of confidence?
somedude81 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 No. I mean, I can sympathize with them, but I have no interest in dating them. Those guys are usually awkward and painfully shy, and they make everyone around them uncomfortable. It's damn near impossible to have a good conversation with them. Timid guys were cute in middle school, but now they're just annoying. It's like they never grew up. Nothing you said applies to me at all. Heck, if you met me in person, and didn't know my online persona, you would never realize that I lack confidence and am insecure.
Cypress25 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Nothing you said applies to me at all. Heck, if you met me in person, and didn't know my online persona, you would never realize that I lack confidence and am insecure. If I met you in person, I would know. You wanna know how? By all the stuff you don't do. Flirting with women, asking a woman out directly, initiating kissing and other physical intimacy...those are the things that confident, secure guys do. By not doing those things, you are advertising to women that you're insecure and lack confidence. You may think you don't do anything to give yourself away, but that's only because you don't do anything. And everyone knows that the guy who never makes a move is timid, awkward, and insecure. It's your inaction that gives you away. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 If I met you in person, I would know. You wanna know how? By all the stuff you don't do. Flirting with women, asking a woman out directly, initiating kissing and other physical intimacy...those are the things that confident, secure guys do. By not doing those things, you are advertising to women that you're insecure and lack confidence. You may think you don't do anything to give yourself away, but that's only because you don't do anything. And everyone knows that the guy who never makes a move is timid, awkward, and insecure. It's your inaction that gives you away. Do you think that there are women out there who are ok with timid, insecure, and awkward guys?
Cypress25 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Do you think that there are women out there who are ok with timid, insecure, and awkward guys? Of course. Everyone has their own preferences. There's hope for you, don't worry!
HeavenOrHell Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I find lack of confidence and/or shyness sweet and appealing in a man, (which also=sexy, to me) a man showing some emotion and vulnerability appeals to me a lot, to me it's the opposite of macho, loud, 'bubbly' (ugh) which does nothing for me. A little bit of insecurity (and I mean only a little bit) is ok and pretty natural, and can show someone cares, if there was a lot of insecurity then that wouldn't be ok, if it was a major issue or a person was possessive or unpleasant because of it, that is not ok. I can think of several friends of mine who also find these traits in a man appealing, not the insecurity but shyness. So, yes it appeals to some women. Just wondering. 2
somedude81 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 If I met you in person, I would know. You wanna know how? By all the stuff you don't do. Flirting with women, asking a woman out directly, initiating kissing and other physical intimacy...those are the things that confident, secure guys do. By not doing those things, you are advertising to women that you're insecure and lack confidence. You may think you don't do anything to give yourself away, but that's only because you don't do anything. And everyone knows that the guy who never makes a move is timid, awkward, and insecure. It's your inaction that gives you away. See, now you are talking about more intimate things that I would only do with women I am actually interested in. The only way you would know about those things, is you and I were in a situation where it was possible for me to ask you out, flirt, initiating kissing or other intimacy, or heard about it from another girl that I was in a situation with her where those things were possible. I was talking about a casual conversation, in which you would not be able to discern that I have any issues. 2
Cypress25 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 See, now you are talking about more intimate things that I would only do with women I am actually interested in. Well I assume you wouldn't want those women to know that you're timid and insecure. And it's those women that you can't hide it from, because you never make a move. The women you're interested in can see right through you. That's why they never want to date you. 1
Necromancer Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 If I met you in person, I would know. You wanna know how? By all the stuff you don't do. Flirting with women, asking a woman out directly, initiating kissing and other physical intimacy...those are the things that confident, secure guys do. By not doing those things, you are advertising to women that you're insecure and lack confidence. You may think you don't do anything to give yourself away, but that's only because you don't do anything. And everyone knows that the guy who never makes a move is timid, awkward, and insecure. It's your inaction that gives you away. Some guys never make a move but are far far from being awkward. I have had girl ask me if i was gay because she knew i have confidence(approached a group of girls while i was with her) but i never make a move on her.
RedRobin Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Define unconfident and insecure. I ask because it takes different forms. In some, they overcompensate by being like Ricko Suave... over the top with put upon fake confidence. Others express it by making negative comments about you to bring you down to their level Another group just whines incessently asking for constant reassurance With all of the three though, I've learned that the second they develop any 'confidence' they dump their patient and loving GF's for the BBD. Because deep inside they never had any respect for someone who would put up with that shyte or, they just get a whacked out idea that they can do 'better' with all the new skills they've learned. That's why I won't go there. I don't want a 'project' and I want a guy who sees the downsides of having lots of options. It's not all it's cracked up to be. 2
somedude81 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Well I assume you wouldn't want those women to know that you're timid and insecure. And it's those women that you can't hide it from, because you never make a move. The women you're interested in can see right through you. That's why they never want to date you. Well then, do you think the girl at my work that I asked out a few days ago, would think that I have low confidence and am insecure? Everybody on this forum knows how I am, but what would she think? Heck, what would the other girl I always write about think? Even though I never actually, made a move on her, I've tried things that definitely pushed her comfort limits, of course while trying to remain respectful.
Almond_Joy Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Just wondering. I think unconfident, insecure people mostly attract two types of people: 1) Fixers - people who may very well like you, but are really with you because they like to say how instrumental they were in helping you become a more confident and secure person. 2) Controllers - people who can see your insecurity, know how to manipulate it to their advantage, and have no qualms with using people in this way. I also think that often these two traits go hand in hand, meaning a fixer is controlling or a controller tries to fix you/everything. Some may also be lucky enough to find another that's just as insecure as they are. But I think the first two scenarios are most common. 1
Pierre Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 No. I mean, I can sympathize with them, but I have no interest in dating them. Those guys are usually awkward and painfully shy, and they make everyone around them uncomfortable. It's damn near impossible to have a good conversation with them. Timid guys were cute in middle school, but now they're just annoying. It's like they never grew up. There is a difference between insecurity and being shy. Some insecure folks can be loud and in your face. In any event, insecurity whether loud or quiet is not attractive.
DarkPrince Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 If I met you in person, I would know. You wanna know how? By all the stuff you don't do. Flirting with women, asking a woman out directly, initiating kissing and other physical intimacy...those are the things that confident, secure guys do. By not doing those things, you are advertising to women that you're insecure and lack confidence. You may think you don't do anything to give yourself away, but that's only because you don't do anything. And everyone knows that the guy who never makes a move is timid, awkward, and insecure. It's your inaction that gives you away. That's a good post.
Pyro Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Perhaps. But walk on my side of the street long enough and see how you feel. and what exactly is your side of the street?
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