jaymz Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Just want some basic advise on how to date again. Its been 16 years for me! I met a woman a few weeks ago at a friends wedding and have a date with her tomorrow night. I plan on picking her up and then driving 30 mins to a really good restaurant. I have some basic topics to discuss in the drive and at dinner, I also plan to give her a small gift when I pick her up. Am I getting this right? I feel like a teenager again (I am 35). I just not sure what to do!!
Radu Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Just try to get to know another human being .... and if you are really stressed out, read the paper before.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I think a small gift might be too OTT for a first date. But then again, what do I know? I'm just going off instinct I guess.
january2011 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Am I getting this right? I feel like a teenager again (I am 35). I just not sure what to do!! Go with what feels right. Don't try to force yourself to adopt an aspect of 'modern' dating practice that you're not really comfortable with, if you'd rather do things more traditionally based on what you remember. Having said that, there are some things that are worth adopting, but you'll have to figure out what works for you and what doesn't. You seem to be doing well so far, so keep going!
curlygirl40 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I think the gift might be too much also. Flowers or something simple, maybe, but I guess it depends on what you're talking about with a gift. Talk about yourself, your likes, but don't talk too much about past relationships. DON'T bash or talk negatively about any ex. I know that your past experiences made you who you are today, and it might be important for someone that you're thinking of being in a relationship with to know about some of your past to get a grasp of who you are and how you got here. But IMO the first few dates are not a good time to bring these things up. Let her talk also. Sometimes when you're nervous it's easy to fill quiet time with more of your own talking, but instead, just ask her about herself. Be interested in her. What does she like to do in her free time? What are some of her family's traditions? What was her favorite vacation? What does she like about her job? Pay attention to her body language to see how she's responding to you. Does she sit close to you? Does she touch your arm? Does she play with her hair? Does she look you in the eyes? Don't come on too strong. I know that's subjective but hopefully you'll see what I'm saying. If you would like to see her again, before you call it a night say 'when can I see you again?'. If she's interested in you especially, she will LOVE that you made it clear that you would like to go out again. Most of all, HAVE FUN. Be easy going. Roll with it and just enjoy your time with her. Good luck!
Mr Coach Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Just want some basic advise on how to date again. Its been 16 years for me! I met a woman a few weeks ago at a friends wedding and have a date with her tomorrow night. I plan on picking her up and then driving 30 mins to a really good restaurant. I have some basic topics to discuss in the drive and at dinner, I also plan to give her a small gift when I pick her up. Am I getting this right? I feel like a teenager again (I am 35). I just not sure what to do!! I would recommend that you sign up to this dating advice newsletter (100% free) which is targeted to newbies and people who are getting back into the game after a long break. The address is: http://Http://www.TheFreeDatingCoach.com And I would suggest that you DON'T bring a gift for the first date. It just doesn't make any sense to me - and nor should it to you! Cheers,
FitChick Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 You don't know this woman, so no gift. The dinner and your company are gift enough for a first date.
Author jaymz Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 Thank you. She has a two year old daughter, the gift is just a stuffed toy lion: I thought it might be a good ice-breaker and chat topic ie: will your daughter like it? What will you call the lion? Its got to have a manly name like "spike" rather than "mr cuddles"! that sort of thing.
amantis Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 just be yourself . Show interest in her . Sometimes people say that they dont know what to say during the date , what i always do is , when you ask her a question and she answers , listen and dont ask other question straight away , keep talking about that answer , that way you dont feel like a fbi agent asking questions all the time and she feels that you were really listening to her . A date for me is about getting to know someone and see if theres something there between us , dont go to a date thinking that you need to impress her . Just have a good time
Leegh Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I agree with the other folks; it's too much to give her a gift on the first date. It's a nice gesture, but wait until if and when it develops into something more.
g450 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Oh boy, I am there with you brother. Started dating two years ago and was 23 years out of practice. Amantis has it right. Just be yourself. Dont try to be cool. Dont try to be something your not. Nix the gift. Nice gesture but too old school for today. Few things I did wrong when I started dating: I talked about the X. Dont do that, ever. Unless she asks. Then dont go too far into detail about it. I was too touchy feely. Be careful of that. Listen to every word she says and talk about her as much as possible. Most important: Have zero expectations about the date. If something becomes of it great, but if nothing becomes of it, that's OK too. If anything you at least got practice.
Author jaymz Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Thanks for the help guys. The date seemed to go well. I enjoyed her company and the conversation flowed all evening except for an occasional pause but no awkward silences. When I picked her up she looked a million dollars and came running out to the car, I barely had enough time to jump out, say hello and open the car door for her! There was a 30 minute drive to the restaurant where we talked about her job etc. then 3 hour meal and a 30 minute drive back to her mum's place. She kissed me on the cheek goodbye, then sent me a text later saying she got home safe, had a lovely evening and it was her treat next time! So hopefully it went well! 1
amantis Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 I think that it went really well She sent you the txt message , and told you that maybe she is expecting other date with you . Next time just give a good kiss ( not in the cheek ) , go for the kill Even if nothing happen between you 2 , you know that you can do to a date and still have fun , and be yourself . Gratz man , and keep us posted
Wibbly Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Way to go! Sounds like you couldn't have asked for a better ending to the night. Good luck and hopefully this all turns out for you
Author jaymz Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 I called her the next day and left a vm message just saying she looked great, I really enjoyed her company and would love to see her again. She text the following yesterday evening: "Hi Jaymz, how are you today? Sorry I missed your call today, was in the office. Have you managed to get any packing done? I have just got in and feel completely shattered! Early night for me tonight. Thanks again for last night xx" I havent replied as I was busy packing my house, moving out next week, and feel asleep early on the sofa! Do I reply to her today? Or leave it until tomorrow and ask to see her again? The 2nd date i was thinking of something more fun, like bowling or going to the casino. If I can get a day date, then maybe the zoo or a theme park? She said she likes the zoo, days out at country estates/castles and loves the theatre.
amantis Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 (edited) I would go for bowling and then for a drink . Why dont you go help her with the packing ? Btw if you feel that she really liked you , ask her for the second date , and send her a sms today , dont wait until tomorow BUT we cant say when you are going to have the second date . Some people wait one week between dates , some people have 2 dates on the same week . Edited May 5, 2012 by amantis
Author jaymz Posted May 6, 2012 Author Posted May 6, 2012 I am packing my house. Been busy all day so haven't text her, then I go out for the evening and she text me the following: "hi jaymz, how are you? had a busy day today? i have not been in long, complete shattered!! been kids fun place all day then out for birthday meal with friend. roll on bedtime xx"
smith9800 Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Hey, that's good planning...Doesn't matter, how old are you! just apply that, she will surely impressed.
Glove_slap Posted May 7, 2012 Posted May 7, 2012 Basic advice? Don't be too shy and always be willing to make a fool out of yourself. Grab the attention of people by dancing, don't over do it, take breaks in between to talk and socialize. Try having a female friend go with you, it takes the tension off when approaching women. Smile, Smile, Smile. Stay positive and confident. Also, always be willing to walk away from a conversation, don't stay hoping that it may lead to something, if a girl is clearly uninterested just say something like, "my friend just texted me, I'll probably see you later on though" and walk away.
Author jaymz Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 I did text her and told her that I enjoyed her company and want to take her out again. She replies that she will organise a sitter and let me know. Nothing since and that was a few days ago.
amantis Posted May 9, 2012 Posted May 9, 2012 Send her a sms asking her about her day or something like that
Author jaymz Posted May 17, 2012 Author Posted May 17, 2012 Ok have done what you suggested, she did reply back, saying she was unwell and I asked if she was ok. Nothing since thursday last week Sent her a text last night asking if she was better and I wanted to take her out again next week and to let me know if she can do Tuesday or Wednesday. I spoke to her cousin, he introduced us at his wedding back in April, he said she is interested in seeing me again but is busy at the moment being a single mum and juggling finances/part time work/child care with the added worry of her job being at risk of redundancy and she only has her mum which she trusts to baby sit. Not sure what to do...
Author jaymz Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 No reply from her yet. I guess she is not interested?
Author jaymz Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Am going to call her tonight and leave the following message: "Hi XXX, hope you and your family are well and had a good weekend. I understand that’s it can be hard for you to juggle being a single mum, job, house with little help and I know from our conversation that you have some uncertainty with your job so I don’t want to put any pressure on you now. If you have some free time and you want to call me for a chat that’s great, or want to spend that free time on another date that would be brilliant or even just to let me know that you don't, that’s fine too. Have a great week. Bye" Then leave it. If she doesnt respond then I guess I have my answer
Author jaymz Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 OK, called and got through to her VM. Left a message.
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