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Posted

Questions: 1. Should I go visit her and stay at her house while she is at work and school for a whole month???

2. Is it wrong for me to propose 2 weeks because a month is too much (note: ill be by myself in her house longer than we will actually see each other because by the time she gets home she'll b tired.

 

Story: I've been with this girl for three years. We both live in the same country, but we have to fly to see each other. We have had our fair share of ups and downs. throughout the years we've seen each other gradually. This year, so far, we've already visited each other 3 times at about 1.5 week stints. We just saw each other less than a month ago and already she is getting upset questioning when we will see each other and saying I should come back soon because I have nothing to do (that's not true because I have school just as she does). I propose that I will go to see her for 2 weeks and she says I should stay for a month. Firstly, she is not taking off anytime off of work when I would be visiting for said month. This means I will be staying at her house all day by myself, a tv, pc, and oh yea by myself, though she would come home at night, tired, and be off sundays. Now remember, I did say I would spend a couple weeks, which is still in my mind ridiculous, but I'd still do it because i love her. However, a month in a house by myself would bring me to a level of insanity (once again with the fact she isn't taking any time off). So now, I stick to my 2 week proposal and she gives me the BIG ULTIMATUM to either come for a month or stay myself home (not in so little words). Once again I stuck to my choice.

 

My views: I think it's ridiculous that she would give up seeing me just because I didn't want to stay a month. I'll be home for 2 weeks by myself already I cant do a month man. Am I wrong in this?

 

What do you all think?

Posted

Do you alternate trips or are you the one who is always flying?

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Posted

We alternate, but it really depends on who has more of a "free" schedule that determines which one of us will travel to the other

Posted

No, I think you did the right thing and that she could have been a little more reasonable with the amount of time. Are you two planning to close the gap any time soon? And if so, would it be in her city? I'd understand her desire for you to stay longer if you were to move there, after all, you'd have to get used to being by yourself there to some degree anyway. Is there stuff to go out and do? Do you know anyone in the area? It could be fun to explore.

 

I understand how wonderful it would be to have a LDR partner there for a month and be waiting for us when we got home, but the whole thing about LDRs is that we have separate things to attend to before we can be together. Being there for a month by yourself would make you uncomfortable. Hopefully she cools down and you're able to visit for a couple of weeks soon.

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Posted
No, I think you did the right thing and that she could have been a little more reasonable with the amount of time. Are you two planning to close the gap any time soon? And if so, would it be in her city? I'd understand her desire for you to stay longer if you were to move there, after all, you'd have to get used to being by yourself there to some degree anyway. Is there stuff to go out and do? Do you know anyone in the area? It could be fun to explore.

 

I understand how wonderful it would be to have a LDR partner there for a month and be waiting for us when we got home, but the whole thing about LDRs is that we have separate things to attend to before we can be together. Being there for a month by yourself would make you uncomfortable. Hopefully she cools down and you're able to visit for a couple of weeks soon.

 

Actually, my hometown (not where I'm living now) is about an hour away from there, BUT she constantly says "your coming here to visit me so you shouldn't spend a second away from here if I'm at school, work or not". Mind you this is with her "spend a whole month" plan. The thing is I said I would spend a month if I can go to my hometown for a couple days out of the week, but that was when she stated "are you here for your family and friends or me". I found that pretty hurtful, but stuck by my decision for 2 weeks and it's been a back and forth argument between us.

Posted

Well I feel that each person has to come to a compromise on things like this. It is only logical for you to want to be there for 2 weeks because a month wouldn't be worth it in the scheme of things. She needs to at least sacrifice some bit of her schedule if she really wants you there for a month. Did you try to explain to her how it makes you feel to be spending so much alone time while you're there for so long?

 

Well since you have made your decision and it's been a back and forth argument with regard to it, why don't you take some time to talk this out with her and explain to her how it makes you feel, at the same time telling her that you can understand how she wants you around even when she's busy. I guess it makes her feel secure? Maybe if she knows that you do see her point in this, she might soften down?

 

Would she be able to sacrifice some of her time to spend time with you if you were to decide on staying for a month?

Posted

I guess she was just emotional. When I had a LDR I spent one month at his home, alone of course, and even in different country without any friend. I did it all for love.

Posted
I guess she was just emotional. When I had a LDR I spent one month at his home, alone of course, and even in different country without any friend. I did it all for love.

 

How did you feel about it? Were you the one paying for the costs to fly there?

Posted
Actually, my hometown (not where I'm living now) is about an hour away from there, BUT she constantly says "your coming here to visit me so you shouldn't spend a second away from here if I'm at school, work or not". Mind you this is with her "spend a whole month" plan. The thing is I said I would spend a month if I can go to my hometown for a couple days out of the week, but that was when she stated "are you here for your family and friends or me". I found that pretty hurtful, but stuck by my decision for 2 weeks and it's been a back and forth argument between us.

 

I'm in agreement with the others that you should:

 

  1. Tell your GF how the whole "terms" of visiting are making you feel.
  2. Explain to her the fact that she refuses to consider your time, feelings, and emotional/mental state of mind whilst you would be sitting idle at home while she is at work/school is causing reason for resentment; make it clear to her that it's not her feelings of wanting to be with you that annoys you but the fact that she's trying to control you like you're some dog on a leash--her behavior is what bothered you in the first place.

To answer your questions, I'd say:

 

  1. Yes, you should go visit her, but you shouldn't have to feel like you're a prisoner in her house.
  2. No, it's not wrong, and if school is your prerogative right now (even after the visit), then she needs to understand that it should be the focus. If the two weeks you can spend your own time in your area of operation can be used better constructively to enhance your chances for employment or overall productive activities, then that's two weeks better spent than what you described what you'd be doing at her place.

I do have to ask what are your intentions for the future with her, though. Are you planning on being in the same area once school is done? Are you serious about getting married to her some day? Are you considering finding a job where you can be with her after you graduate?

 

Don't know if you've talked about this in your relationship, but gals do tend to think of these things, so best to be prepared.

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