travelbug Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Hello folks! I want to get back together with my ex, but not sure what steps to take... I was with my ex for over 9 years and we've been broken up for 2.5 years now. We never stopped talking for more than a couple months at a time during our time apart, and our communication has become more frequent over the last year, especially over the last 6 months. He works out of state often, and for weeks at a time, so communication is usually via phone, email, or text. The more recent contact has been initiated by him. I've only actually seen him 3 times since we broke up, but the last 2 were within the last 4 months. One of those times was just a couple days ago... He called Monday asking how I was and what I was up to, then asked to come over. We talked all evening, mostly about non-relationship things, but he did say a few things like, "I talk about you a lot," "you're giving me butterflies," and "I miss you," kept asking me how I've been doing, and was reminiscing about some of the trips we've taken. He was also very affectionate. Very, very affectionate. Like he was when I first met him long, long ago. It got pretty physical and we just laughed all night. Our recent communication has become increasingly flirtatious too, so this wasn't totally unexpected. When he left, he was pretty affectionate again and we said goodbye, but neither of us said anything about seeing each other again. I didn't want to seem clingy or too forward. I realize this is very little information to go on, based on the length of the relationship, but my questions are these: 1) Does it sound like he might be interested again and is testing the waters? Or maybe he was just looking for a fun night? 2) Should I actively attempt to move toward reconciliation, or just let things happen? Either way, should I say something about what happened the other night and suggest we do it again soon? I'm 34 and he's 41 and we've had a long history, so at this point I feel like being straightforward and just telling him how I feel is the way to go, although I don't want to scare him off by sounding too serious. And I don't know how he's feeling either, but again, I don't want to push him away by asking too directly. But I do want him to know that I still have feelings and am interested in more than just the occasional flirtation. I am tempted to think he knows that, but I can't make that assumption. He's the only one for me, and I don't want to blow it. Thoughts?
immitable Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I think that you should treat this like a completely new relationship. Do you think that confessing your true feelings in a completely new relationship gets you far?
Author travelbug Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 Thank you, immutable, that's great advice! When you put it that way, no, confessing my true feelings at this point would definitely seem too much. Perhaps I'll just tell him I had a good time the other day and imply I'd like to see him again. Or maybe see what he's doing some upcoming weekend and ask him to join me for something fun. I think I'll start with that and see where it goes )
wilsonx Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 (edited) Let him keep chasing, he will. You can set your boundaries with him now of what you will and will not accept. so far He's saying and doing all the right things. He understands his feelings. Don't rush him, pressure him, let him come to you Edited May 3, 2012 by wilsonx
Author travelbug Posted May 4, 2012 Author Posted May 4, 2012 Thanks, wilsonx, that's great advice too. And encouraging )
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